advice - what can i do to accept being alone?

Post Reply New Topic

I'd love to have a million pets. But I can't because:

a) I'm not able to establish myself as the alpha of the pack, which creates an impossible living together situation.

b) I have no friends or relatives I'm in touch with, so when I travel nobody would look after them.

Get an imaginary friend. It could be a person or an animal or something made up.

I once saw a movie where the main character had a human-size rag doll as her only friend. I'd love to have one, if only I could sew.

You know I saw a documentary once where there was a company in the US making life like women dolls made to order for men. They had options for hair colour, breast size, height etc. Apparently they can't keep up with demand. The price was something like $7000US. They probably have a website.

Personally I find such an idea too strange.

They are called "Real Dolls" I've seen a few You Tubes about them. I had an intrest since i am a special effects artis and a former GIJOE collector.
AT SPFX school I learned there are a number of jobs in the porno industry, but I'm not interseted enough to apply.
Childrens puppet shows in the new millinium arent what they used to be.Thatss what i went to post grad school forSPFX. Ever think what the world would be like if the world of grown ups was like what they taught us on childrens' TV?is an
But it seems to me that having sex with areal doll would be like a corpse.
Being the senseless AS that I am I know that making love is more than that. It s an unevocabale feeling between two people that needs to be built up to.
In this western world being a male who wants to to take it slow has problems, but once in a decade it's worth it.

My thing is, I never accepted anything like that. I would refuse to accept it. Maybe you should try learning social skills manually, if just going out there doesn't help.

Well I can help on the friends front as I never had any and I managed to do it at age 23-24 for the first time. Can't help on the girlfriend front but I'm working on that. Though personally I think friends first is the natural order.

What does that mean?

I actually met people and made friends locally through MySpace. It eliminated all the stupid social beginnings crap I'm so bad at. It helped me to open up and me more social. And then once I made a few friends and they actually wanted to hang out with me, I realized I suck at all the social things people expect from a freind, I found it overwhelming, and now they're basically aquaintances. Really all I wanted was some people I could occasionally hang out with if I got in the mood. I prefer e-mail, I HATE TALKING ON THE PHONE and in fact I refuse to do it for the most part unless it's my husband or it's necessary. So that's how I found friendship...then acceptance of being happily independent of close friendships.

I mean, if you are still not doing well when you go out and try, maybe you should try learning social skills before going out. Like this website here:
http://www.succeedsocially.com/

*sigh*

I hate this too, but I don't like admitting that being lonely bothers me. Just be yourself, and speak to girls properly. Don't look like a "nice guy", that annoys women. That's all I know.

Hey dude, I don't want you to give up on developing a decent social life, but you really DON'T wanna rush friendship. Friendship takes time and will happen naturally.

I've personally made some progress in the building friendship. For instance, I would always visit and hang out w/ a girl in my area every summer and school vacation (and we both graduated from the same high school during the same year).

Second, there was a friend (a dude) from Israel who was in my chemistry class and lab in college during last spring. After spring semester ended, we planned to chill out together and socialize.

Thirdly, there is another friend from Israel (it was a lady) who has been my hip-hop dancing class for like a year. When she returned to class after summer vacation, she warmly invited me to her birthday party at an Italian restaraunt and I was so damn thrilled and was willing to go to it.

The more you get to know people, the more likely you will be to hang out and socialize with them. So once again, try not to rush friendship. If you meet someone for the first time and are interested in him/her, give yourself some time to acquaint yourself with him/her more. When you've done so, you can plan to hang out anywhere fun. This is how I did things in the friendship-building area. I'm not trying to force myself to see my friends every single day because we're all busy w/ so many things, but we usually keep in touch on in a while.

Also, try to doing things that you like. Taking karate or dancing classes may be one-step in making friends because you'll be interacting w/ many people in such classes. Friendship will happen naturally.

I live in rented accommodation so i couldn't get a dog. also, i had bad experiences with pets in the past (a psychotic cat) so i'm not that keen.
my past experiences with friendship are that (for me) it's not worth making much effort - good or lasting friendships are something that happens to other people, and friendship doesn't happen naturally in my case. all the friends i've ever made were at school, uni, a flatmate, never in clubs that catered to my interests for some reason - this is a good example of things that work very well for most people but not at all for me. whenever i try to 'open 'up', that just alienates people even more.
on the gf side, i don't know any single females in my city at all (and even among the taken ones there are few i would've had any interest in dating), but apart from that i'm pretty sure that i'll never date again. women don't hate me, but they find me as romantically interesting as a brick wall (sexually, the same is true). i've been in a relationship only once, i have no idea how to hit on a girl. i've been to a club only once in my life and have no idea how to behave, no one to coach me and no one to go with to one. i don't get invited to parties, and in my experience they've usually been a complete disaster.
so basically i will never date again and it's unlikely i'll make friends again, hence i must adapt to this situation.

It helps if you have something in your life that you are really passionate about. For me, thats writing. I write poetry and short stories. Recently I had a poem make the semi-finals for a monthly poetry contest held by the international society of poetry. I also had that same poem accepted for publication. When things like that happen, it makes me happy and encourages me to go on with life.

That's what I thought before, and indeed I started writing a novel. But then I realized that who am I writing for? Who will like my writing if nobody likes me or anything I have to say? So I stopped writing. I don't need to write for myself. Writing is my passion, but only to communicate with others.

People would probably pay NOT to read my books.

Greentea, why answer for other people? If people do not like your writing, why not let them tell you no? You should try putting your writing out there. At least give people the chance to tell you no. I never knew my writing would go anywhere. Now it looks like I might have a bright future as a writer.