"Why are you so serious?"

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I have only had one major occurance of sensory overload many years ago during a very short period of time wherein I was attempting to split my attention between several very important things. It resulted in a nervous breakdown which caused me to lose conciousness for about thirty minutes as (I was told) I rocked back and forth and tapped my forehead over and over again. Since then I have been rather obsessed about staying calm in stressful situations, even more so than I had before. All things said and done, I still have a very small understanding of my own emotions and whether or not I actually have them. Although, I'm sure that I do. Sometimes. Though I do wonder why I can't seem to force myself to care when terrible personal tragedies affect me. The destruction of my home a year and a half ago, or the death of my grandmother (The only parent I had.)

It seemed like the harder I tried to explain to myself how important and sad the situation I was in was, I couldn't shed a tear or even make myself feel bad or sorry for myself. It's not like I don't miss her. I loved her. I think. But I'm starting to believe I can't feel that either.

Do you ever have delayed responses to highly emotional things.Sometimes I think I take a year or two to actually process my grief.Especially with relationships that have ended.It seems like years latter,I will see something that reminds me of the person and I will get a little modelin or even teary for awhile.As far as personal property destruction.I can be very attached to some of my things.I was once evicted and lost everything and still miss some of the "things" that I had an attachment to...it makes it difficult for me to throw anything away,I never know if I might miss it(somethings I do and some I dont but I never know until after it is gone).

I am weird with death.I have always liked the idea of leaving this planet,no matter what comes after or nothing.So when someone dies I think they are kind of lucky to be out of this life.It gives me mixed emotions about death.I havent actually lost anyone I really loved to death because there just arent that many people I have really loved(I did grieve over my cat),so who knows how I will repond when my parents or sisters die.I know I felt nothing about my grandparents or bio father,because they werent that much a part of my life.I am not sure I understand it.

As a matter of fact, I do. That makes sense, now that you mention it. Now, I'm not a vulcan, or anything. I have emotional responses to things just the same as anyone else. It's just that, well, not to some things. For some reason.

As an example, I'll use my grandmother. I was raised by her and her alone and she was the only family I had ever had. I was only twenty when she died and I was fairly upset. Not immediately, but in the following weeks and months I became more and more distraught. After Katrina passed, my best friends left with it. One moving states and states to the west, the other moving states and states to the east, and the other not making it through the storm. Along with his fiance. Thinking back on it, I'm terribly saddened by how much I miss them all. Not always. Not every time I think about them. Just... sometimes. Music tends to have that effect on me occasionally. Occasionally.

Wouldn't I, shouldn't I feel grief every time that I think about it? Shouldn't I have felt grief when it happened instead of much much later? I don't expect anyone to have an answer to it. But expressing it seems to help me get my thoughts together. I'd like to hear your opinions and points of view.

Yeah, I get those too. The smiling tends to occur mainly when I'm high, most of the time people think I'm not in a good mood. I'm usually just really focused on something. And the talking, well, I usually don't start conversations. I have a guy staying on my couch right now though, and for some reason that's done some good. I get along with him fairly well, and it is kind of nice to have the casual / random conversation available...if I'm in the mood. Usually I just retreat to my room and let him have the run of most of the rest of my apartment. Either way, he's been a positive influence lately, which is kind of nice.

Yes I have gotten this. People find it odd, because I will have a serious look on my face, and not laugh at a joke that everyone else finds funny, then go into hysterics at something that no one else finds funny. I can't seem to help this...

*Runs and hides*

I get told I look sad/angry ALL the time -.-"

at the time when i was most at comfortable in my life i got told i looked lost ... i still do apparently

what i hate is photos i know my smile looks stupid so i spent ages trying to figure out what to do. now i generally pull a stupid face, or try and laugh if its something serious