It's hard to interpret what people mean.

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Co-worker-"So, I heard you went to Arizona." and then stares at me.

Me-thinking, He wants me to say something about Arizona. It is a huge friggin' state, what the hell does he want to hear? Why didn't he just ask what he wanted to know? He already knows that I went there, I don't think he needs confirmation. Oh, no! Too much time is passing! Say something dammit.

Co-Worker- Realizing he stumped me, "Did you like it?"

Me-thinking still, That is awful vague. Let me see if I can make a likes vs dislikes chart in my head of everything I saw there to get an accurate average for a simple yes or no answer.

TIME IS UP- He shakes his head and walks away.

I really wanted to talk to that guy but his questions were too fast and indirect. If I just blurt out any answer to save time, I will be asked to explain it later and therefore, my response should be as accurate as possible.

Paranoia. Wow, do I understand that one! My daughter is the worst for that! I could be, but I'm middle-aged now and too tired for all that unnecessary stress. I prefer to just remain without a clue. I have no idea what people mean a lot of the time, but I just leave it hang there. Whatever.

Don't get me wrong. I care about the people in my life, as well as individuals around me at any given time. I just didn't come equipped with that. I do my best and that's what people get. What they think of me is actually none of my business.

I know just how you feel, Sequoia. I've become paranoid because of such circumstances, which isn't helped by my mother's paranoid and overprotective behavior rubbing off on me, either.

This, amongst a bunch of other things, has caused me so much anguish that common self-healing advice does nothing for me. The lack of access to a mental health professional doesn't help, either. It's extremely complicated.

Sherry, sorry for not getting back to you for a while, but your post is truly epic. I didn't understand a lot of it, but I was able to trigger out on the Greek words.

I learned around age 25 that all this hidden stuff was going on behind words. It took me about ten years to puzzle it out and now I get a lot more of it. Once I know it's going on, I can collect data on conversations I have until I understand how it's used. Now I do it a lot, too. But I use it for good, not evil, which is to say: sometimes people seem uncomfortable with a subject, so I avoid saying it out loud to make them uncomfortable. But otherwise I find the use of this kind of language completely stupid, because people always seem to imagine there is hidden meaning behind my words when there is none at all. So annoying.

So here's an example dialogue. In both I am thinking on multiple levels while I talk -- and I burn out really fast if I have to have a lot of conversations like this, so I try to limit them. I keep a mental rolodex of ways to handle these situations, based on what I've tried that's worked and what I've heard over the years.

A conversation with someone who is pregnant again after a miscarriage, where we talk around it and neither of us mention the miscarriage at all:

Me: I'm so happy for you.

Them: I'm not getting too excited yet.

Me: It's still early, but you might as well enjoy it.

And here's an example of me trying to avoid someone misreading what I'm saying:

Me: Let me know if you need any help with that recipe I gave you.

Them: Thanks.

Me: Not that you need my help in cooking -- I know you know your way around a kitchen.

But two additional thoughts on this:

1) You don't need to be an expert or learn about it at all. Just ask. It's socially awkward, sure, but it's better than not knowing. You can just say straight out that you are not sure what they mean because you're bad at reading social cues. It's not a test -- you're a human being, and you are allowed to be bad at some stuff and to ask for clarification. If you practice saying it sweetly, or at least politely, and then they seem to still take offense, well, that's on them, not you.

2) I have a friend who is NT and blind and she is also terrible at understanding hidden meanings. It's because she lacks the understanding that eye contact and other body language can give. So this may also be a blind thing. I'm an aspie, but I've learned how to read these things so that I'm pretty OK with it most of the time. But blind people don't get this advantage. However, my friend is always asking for clarification and everyone is more than happy to explain what they really meant.

What's frustrating for me is I really do prefer to communicate in a straightforward way...but because other people tend not to do that, I find myself sort of bending and adjusting to their way of communicating, and it's just not natural for me. It drives me crazy trying to interpret what is going on, feels like it twists my brain into a thousand knots.

I've gotten to the point that I just don't want to interact with people who leave me guessing about things. With some people, even though they might be indirect about things, I still KNOW they aren't trying to insult me or play mind games with me. But other people, for one reason or another, I never feel sure about it. I feel like I'm always trying to figure them out, and I've realized the problem is probably them, not me.