How can you tell a phony person apart from a genuine one?

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Almost everyone is phony to some degree. The question is in what way and will it cause you any harm. Watch out when a person acts one way with you when you're alone, and a different way around other people.

*Robotic voice* Fleshist!

Aurora has my idea too on this, and also dianthus, as quoted below. I find it distressing to notice when someone does this -- act nice to someone then the minute they're gone, start talking trash about that person, or roll their eyes. I've actually caught someone doing this regarding me, and I've also been present when someone openly did it about another person we had both been talking to. I don't like it one bit. It pisses me off that people can be so false.

I also have problems recognizing someone being phony to me. I'm not unintelligent, but I can be naive and tend to take people at face value, and take people earnestly, as I'm a bit too earnest myself. It's taken a long time to learn that people can totally be fake-nice to you.

Someone I work for once a week is like this to me, although it took a while for me to discover this. She acts nice, caring, concerned, and like we're friends, but then one day she went directly from a nicey-nicey conversation with me, to popping outside her door and bitching about me there and then to her next door neighbor who is close friends with her. I wasn't eavesdropping or being sneaky -- it was hard NOT to overhear as they were standing right outside near an open door and I swear I wasn't even trying to hear. I was actually shocked to hear my my name and the things she proceeded to say about me. I knew then that this person was totally two-faced. I had REALLY pegged her as a completely decent person, so it was a bit devastating.

Real people don't make excuses. I find the fake friends are the ones who make excuses, often don't respond to me, but are quick to contact me when they need a favor. They don't do a good job of listening to me or treat me with basic respect. Fake people always show themselves though, and the more you're exposed to the more you can identify them.

Thank you so much for helping me point this out. Now for some examples

1. A lady who I used to associate with for 8 years was supposed to be my friend but was not. For instance- whenever we took a photo she would either not smile or force one. For instance we were posting for wedding photos. Just about everyone of the photos she looked mad or unhappy that I was in the pictures even though I was a bride's maid.

2. I had some kids in high school who claimed to be my friends but I was always shut out of things and then boasted about it afterwards to me. I heard rumors they didn't like me, they made excuses, then I overheard them talking about me to each other. They said mean things.

When someone always has excuses to not do things for you or to not go out with you or to hang out (Most people do this actually)

When someone contradicts themselves, they say one thing but their actions don't match what they said

People who can't keep their stories straight

People who constantly change their minds or their views so they always base their opinion on other peoples opinions and then change it in a different situation when people express a different view and they go back and forth with their view. This tells me they are a people pleaser and they can't even form their own opinion so they follow the crowd ( I don't know if I shall consider this phony or not but I tend to not trust them because they are unreliable, I don't think they are bad people)

People who claim to be your friend but yet they never stick up for you or defend you or even help you and they just exclude you or ignore you or treat you bad

People who say nice things to you but then go behind your back and express their opposite views about you

People who act like everything is okay between you two and then go behind your back and complain about it

People who are wishy washy, they are nice and then nasty and they go back to being nice to you again and then nasty again.

I think the paragraph and the last sentence that you posted both fall under the wishy washy umbrella but just in different forms.

Someone said that phony people tend to talk in really friendly sounding tones that I find absolutely patronizing.