Easier and better to socialize with NTs

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starkid
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11 Sep 2015, 1:38 pm

RubyTates wrote:
starkid wrote:
RubyTates wrote:
As for me, being female, I am a bit more on the social side and i can mask my Aspie traits a little more and act NT to get to know someone.


Seems like you've got your personality mixed up with your sex.


I thought it was common knowledge that female Aspies tended to be a little more social than males (this is a generalization, but rings true for me). And yes, in order to get through life without being totally harassed and bullied, I observed many NT girls and the way they were behaving and copied them in order to form connections with people I otherwise would not have. I wouldn't know any other way to go about it.


It's not common knowledge; it's just something that people say that's never been proven, probably never even systematically investigated. However, whether it's common knowledge or even accurate is irrelevant, because it is stated as a correlation, whereas you have implied that being female causes you to be more social.



Eternally500
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11 Sep 2015, 3:02 pm

LordRikerQ wrote:
99% of my socialization these days is online, and I'll echo what has been said NO. Most NT's seem to find one reason or another to hate on me, even NTs I don't even know.

I just never get a break, and many just have problems communicating with me, they never say what they mean and i always say what i mean.


I can defiantly relate to this, one thing that I just don’t get is that people with NT is if you usually go outside the routine of normal conversation something that just goes a little more in depth you almost never see this passion in them to continue that conversation.

Talking to people around my age about like a passion thing like outside of day to day normal talk is usually quite hopeless. When I talk to people that are older then me say 45 and upwards it becomes easier to talk about deeper things.

I had earlier a good friend that had asperger where we could talk about more deeper topics, but then I went to study in England for a while, as they say paths change and it become quite hard to stay in touch.

Also when I lived abroad in England I made a couple of friends, then after a while when I was done with my studies I moved back to Norway and it became harder and harder to stay in touch with friends, its like when I talk with them on instant messaging they hardly ever have something to talk about its usually me that needs to do all the talking.

After a while it just becomes to much of a hassle. its like the world has turned upside down or something when I move back home. Even today with the world being so connected today this to me is still the the hardest nut to crack.



Eternally500
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11 Sep 2015, 3:10 pm

AspergersActor8693 wrote:
I kind of find that this is the case with me. It is not like I prefer spending time with NT's over other Aspie's, I enjoy both. It is just that I have not had that much experience interacting with other Apsie's. So it sometimes makes for awkward moments when I don't know what to do. It is easier with my NT friends because I've had more experience with them.


I'm confused when you say you have more experience with them, I was wondering when it comes to younger and older NT are these two different age groups just as easy for you to talk to.



LordRikerQ
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12 Sep 2015, 3:27 am

Eternally500 wrote:
LordRikerQ wrote:
99% of my socialization these days is online, and I'll echo what has been said NO. Most NT's seem to find one reason or another to hate on me, even NTs I don't even know.

I just never get a break, and many just have problems communicating with me, they never say what they mean and i always say what i mean.


I can defiantly relate to this, one thing that I just don’t get is that people with NT is if you usually go outside the routine of normal conversation something that just goes a little more in depth you almost never see this passion in them to continue that conversation.

Talking to people around my age about like a passion thing like outside of day to day normal talk is usually quite hopeless. When I talk to people that are older then me say 45 and upwards it becomes easier to talk about deeper things.

I had earlier a good friend that had asperger where we could talk about more deeper topics, but then I went to study in England for a while, as they say paths change and it become quite hard to stay in touch.

Also when I lived abroad in England I made a couple of friends, then after a while when I was done with my studies I moved back to Norway and it became harder and harder to stay in touch with friends, its like when I talk with them on instant messaging they hardly ever have something to talk about its usually me that needs to do all the talking.

After a while it just becomes to much of a hassle. its like the world has turned upside down or something when I move back home. Even today with the world being so connected today this to me is still the the hardest nut to crack.



Exactly. I never get what's wrong with these people, passion frightens them to death it seems and they are always talking but not about what really matters, even to them. I can work around those parts but never saying what they mean I just can't get.

Nothing turns me off faster then all the bs and double talk with them, but I too have had better luck talking to people 45+



AspergersActor8693
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14 Sep 2015, 8:18 am

Eternally500 wrote:
AspergersActor8693 wrote:
I kind of find that this is the case with me. It is not like I prefer spending time with NT's over other Aspie's, I enjoy both. It is just that I have not had that much experience interacting with other Apsie's. So it sometimes makes for awkward moments when I don't know what to do. It is easier with my NT friends because I've had more experience with them.


I'm confused when you say you have more experience with them, I was wondering when it comes to younger and older NT are these two different age groups just as easy for you to talk to.


What I meant was about NT's in general, no specific age groups. I have not had the opportunity to meet many other Aspies, I have met less than 10 my entire life, and about three or four of them I have relatively consistent interaction with. A majority of them have not learned some of the social skills I have therefore making it harder and a bit more challenging for me to interact with them. Whereas I have been dealing and interacting with NT's pretty much all my life, so I know how to socialize with them.

An example being three of the Aspies I know have a gaming obsession and talk about games frequently, where I am not as passionate about gaming as they are (shocker, an Aspie who isn't obsessed with gaming. 8O ). With NT's, I seem to be around the types that do have meaningful conversations relatively frequently, they talk about things I can relate to and are willing to hear me speak. If it isn't something I can relate to or discuss, I just sit and listen without saying a word.



hmk66
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18 Sep 2015, 3:19 pm

I can both socialize with NTs and with autistics. In both groups there can be gentle people and nasty people. Autistics are necessarily gentle and NTs are not necessarily nasty. You can have good people in both groups.



GarrettC
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18 Sep 2015, 3:57 pm

LordRikerQ wrote:
99% of my socialization these days is online, and I'll echo what has been said NO. Most NT's seem to find one reason or another to hate on me, even NTs I don't even know.

I just never get a break, and many just have problems communicating with me, they never say what they mean and i always say what i mean.


It also depends on the NTs. All of my best friends are NTs, and I'm very open about AS with them. They are incredibly patient, and help me along, prop me up, act as sounding boards, etc. I do the same for them, when I have the chance. Of course, most of them have some sort of disorder themselves (bipolar, generalized anxiety, and PTSD are the ones I know of).



Eternally500
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20 Sep 2015, 4:43 pm

AspergersActor8693 wrote:
Eternally500 wrote:
AspergersActor8693 wrote:
I kind of find that this is the case with me. It is not like I prefer spending time with NT's over other Aspie's, I enjoy both. It is just that I have not had that much experience interacting with other Apsie's. So it sometimes makes for awkward moments when I don't know what to do. It is easier with my NT friends because I've had more experience with them.


I'm confused when you say you have more experience with them, I was wondering when it comes to younger and older NT are these two different age groups just as easy for you to talk to.


What I meant was about NT's in general, no specific age groups. I have not had the opportunity to meet many other Aspies, I have met less than 10 my entire life, and about three or four of them I have relatively consistent interaction with. A majority of them have not learned some of the social skills I have therefore making it harder and a bit more challenging for me to interact with them. Whereas I have been dealing and interacting with NT's pretty much all my life, so I know how to socialize with them.

An example being three of the Aspies I know have a gaming obsession and talk about games frequently, where I am not as passionate about gaming as they are (shocker, an Aspie who isn't obsessed with gaming. 8O ). With NT's, I seem to be around the types that do have meaningful conversations relatively frequently, they talk about things I can relate to and are willing to hear me speak. If it isn't something I can relate to or discuss, I just sit and listen without saying a word.


You defiantly have a big advantage that you area able to talk to NT's around your age. I know what you mean many aspies can have a obsession with gaming defiantly when it comes to rpg's. I do have an interest in games but it never takes up to the big level for me.

I have deep passion for learning that I just cant shut off, when I was around 18 and 19 I was more deeper into gaming. When I started studying again I got more access to information, when I discovered a website called thegreatcourses.com it took me up to a completely new level in my learning.

I used to have an aspie friend here In Norway didn’t know him that long I met him in my last study years in Norway the country that I come from. Then I moved to England for a year and it was more difficult to stay in touch and times changed as they say. That is the only real aspie friend I've met. When I studied in England at a University I had 2 NT's I had regular contact with, but when that year was over and I moved back home it become harder to stay in touch.



Eternally500
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20 Sep 2015, 4:51 pm

LordRikerQ wrote:
Eternally500 wrote:
LordRikerQ wrote:
99% of my socialization these days is online, and I'll echo what has been said NO. Most NT's seem to find one reason or another to hate on me, even NTs I don't even know.

I just never get a break, and many just have problems communicating with me, they never say what they mean and i always say what i mean.


I can defiantly relate to this, one thing that I just don’t get is that people with NT is if you usually go outside the routine of normal conversation something that just goes a little more in depth you almost never see this passion in them to continue that conversation.

Talking to people around my age about like a passion thing like outside of day to day normal talk is usually quite hopeless. When I talk to people that are older then me say 45 and upwards it becomes easier to talk about deeper things.

I had earlier a good friend that had asperger where we could talk about more deeper topics, but then I went to study in England for a while, as they say paths change and it become quite hard to stay in touch.

Also when I lived abroad in England I made a couple of friends, then after a while when I was done with my studies I moved back to Norway and it became harder and harder to stay in touch with friends, its like when I talk with them on instant messaging they hardly ever have something to talk about its usually me that needs to do all the talking.

After a while it just becomes to much of a hassle. its like the world has turned upside down or something when I move back home. Even today with the world being so connected today this to me is still the the hardest nut to crack.



Exactly. I never get what's wrong with these people, passion frightens them to death it seems and they are always talking but not about what really matters, even to them. I can work around those parts but never saying what they mean I just can't get.

Nothing turns me off faster then all the bs and double talk with them, but I too have had better luck talking to people 45+


Its a thing that has also puzzled me for quite a long time to, sometimes I feel being an asperger is like being some sord of different human but in a good way though. I sord have gotten this feeling after I finished a course on metaphysics a while back.



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21 Sep 2015, 4:17 am

Eternally: I can relate sir and know what you mean.

N.Ts to me just talk about such shallow and meaningless things.

Mostly pop culture e.g. gaming, celebrities, movies, and other trivial stuff.

I don't think there's anything wrong with talking about these things.

As in I am not judging and I am tolerant. People should have a write to talk about what they want to.

But I should as well. I love deep conversation about politics, philosphy, psychology, life and the universe etc. and can almost never find a kindred spirit who shares my love for deep conversations.

I'd like to think the only reason most people I know talk about pointless stuff like movies and tv, etc. is only because they are the same age as me and we are teenagers, but that's not true at all, because even this kind of stuff carries on into young adulthood.

I too find older, middle-aged adults 30-50 much easier to have deeper conversations with.

But, one thing I did want to say though:

OP: I DO find it much easier to converse with N.T's.

The reason being that, and I mean this in the least offensive way possible, the majority of N.Ts I find are homogenous. Due to conformity and cultural norms, social rules and expectations in your society, this means most N.Ts behave the same.

Now, this depends on a lot of factors like age, background, gender, etc.

But I find most N.Ts my age are easy to talk to. They are like a formula. I know as an aspie our diffuctly is actually following social rules and integrating with society, but I am a confident aspie with good social skills.

Not only can I 'play the game' and act like a 'normal teen', I can also non-conform and just be my confident, non-conformist self, and actually make it work for me.

N.T teenagers aren't too complicated. It's like a formula. Once you figure out that 2 x 2 = 4, then it all becomes clear.

That's not to say N.T teenagers are 'all the same' or 'stupid' or any of that stuff. Just that there are clearly defined social rules and values taught to most people by their society, and that knowing these rules and bending them is going to work.

also, of course there are many, MANY exceptions out there.

This is why I find it harder to talk to Neurodiverse people - they deviate from the norm. Not in a bad way, just that I can't apply my formula's for a positive social interaction with them. I'm much more likely to stop 'acting' and be myself with them, and just let them like or dislike me for who I am.



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21 Sep 2015, 2:53 pm

About teenagers there is something strange going on. I sometimes talk to teenagers because of my work at school. Sometimes I have to interact with them. I have most problems with NT boys. Some boys are polite, and there maybe boys on the spectrum and they can be a good conversation partner. I avoid boys most of the time, because they are unpredictable.

NT girls are very gentle and respectful, and apparently very honest about their intentions. They see me as a father and they may find me awesome and interesting. They at least show respect. There is also a minor chance that they find me handsome, although that is really irrelevant, because personnel and students (especially at teenager age) are supposed not to have relationships.



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21 Sep 2015, 2:58 pm

Generally about NTs, they should not know about your autism, unless you and they know eachother very well, like in friend- or relationships. Then you can open up. If you mention your autism too early, it could work against you. They will use that as a reason to avoid you or question your sayings, even if they should know that you are right and they are likely wrong.



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23 Sep 2015, 11:02 pm

Eternally500 wrote:
You defiantly have a big advantage that you area able to talk to NT's around your age. I know what you mean many aspies can have a obsession with gaming defiantly when it comes to rpg's. I do have an interest in games but it never takes up to the big level for me.

I have deep passion for learning that I just cant shut off, when I was around 18 and 19 I was more deeper into gaming. When I started studying again I got more access to information, when I discovered a website called thegreatcourses.com it took me up to a completely new level in my learning.

I used to have an aspie friend here In Norway didn’t know him that long I met him in my last study years in Norway the country that I come from. Then I moved to England for a year and it was more difficult to stay in touch and times changed as they say. That is the only real aspie friend I've met. When I studied in England at a University I had 2 NT's I had regular contact with, but when that year was over and I moved back home it become harder to stay in touch.


I had a phase where I was obsessed with gaming. Then one day, like someone turning off a light switch, my obsession was nowhere near what it used to be.

When it comes to staying in touch, my preferred method is Facebook. I can not only stay in touch, but I can see what they're up to, share things with them, chat, etc. Facebook also has some added advantages for me in that there are certain pages and groups I follow pertaining to a particular subject. I can use phones too, but I've never been comfortable solely relying on phones for contact, not have I ever been fully comfortable talking on one.



Eternally500
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24 Sep 2015, 7:23 am

AspergersActor8693 wrote:
Eternally500 wrote:
You defiantly have a big advantage that you area able to talk to NT's around your age. I know what you mean many aspies can have a obsession with gaming defiantly when it comes to rpg's. I do have an interest in games but it never takes up to the big level for me.

I have deep passion for learning that I just cant shut off, when I was around 18 and 19 I was more deeper into gaming. When I started studying again I got more access to information, when I discovered a website called thegreatcourses.com it took me up to a completely new level in my learning.

I used to have an aspie friend here In Norway didn’t know him that long I met him in my last study years in Norway the country that I come from. Then I moved to England for a year and it was more difficult to stay in touch and times changed as they say. That is the only real aspie friend I've met. When I studied in England at a University I had 2 NT's I had regular contact with, but when that year was over and I moved back home it become harder to stay in touch.


I had a phase where I was obsessed with gaming. Then one day, like someone turning off a light switch, my obsession was nowhere near what it used to be.

When it comes to staying in touch, my preferred method is Facebook. I can not only stay in touch, but I can see what they're up to, share things with them, chat, etc. Facebook also has some added advantages for me in that there are certain pages and groups I follow pertaining to a particular subject. I can use phones too, but I've never been comfortable solely relying on phones for contact, not have I ever been fully comfortable talking on one.


I see your point and I fully to see the advantage it can be in using Facebook since the biggest platform in terms of social communication. I used to use it but I don’t really feel that comfortable using it as a way for socialising. There are plenty of other platforms to use.

I do use forms of social media like Twitter because I see it has more of a platform for keeping up to date on relevant things that happen in the interest’s that one is interested in. The thing with socialising over the net in many ways today in my opinion is to primitive it just puts me off it can have so much more of a deeper user interaction in the future if you read on this site it might give a perspective insight. http://hplusmagazine.com/

The technology today is possible only the tech companies aren’t investing innof in the area's where its relevant in order to make it happen. Mostly tech companies are to afraid today in my opinion with all the privacy information war going on to care much a about a deeper user interaction.

This advancement could also be helped more If only more private companies invested more in space. The space industry can not survive on government investing alone in order for it to reach a totally new golden age level private investment is needed. The way the society of ours work today is that for every investment that is made in space in the long run all industries see a kickback from that investment either through more profit or new tech that advances out from that investment.