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How to tell if someone likes you (as a friend)

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Idealist
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18 Jan 2016, 1:52 am

nurseangela wrote:
Idealist wrote:
Gracey72 wrote:
How to tell if someone likes you?

Ask them. :|


They will lie or just choose not to answer you and change the subject.


Do you know her friends well enough to say so, or are you just generalizing?

The only reason I suggested asking, is because I've tried it myself, and I've had a decent measure of success with it, even though I didn't always like the answer.


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nurseangela
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18 Jan 2016, 2:21 am

Idealist wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Idealist wrote:
Gracey72 wrote:
How to tell if someone likes you?

Ask them. :|


They will lie or just choose not to answer you and change the subject.


Do you know her friends well enough to say so, or are you just generalizing?

The only reason I suggested asking, is because I've tried it myself, and I've had a decent measure of success with it, even though I didn't always like the answer.


So these people you asked were treating you like a friend still and then they told you they really didn't want to be your friend when you asked them?


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Idealist
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18 Jan 2016, 2:41 am

nurseangela wrote:
Idealist wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Idealist wrote:
Gracey72 wrote:
How to tell if someone likes you?

Ask them. :|


They will lie or just choose not to answer you and change the subject.


Do you know her friends well enough to say so, or are you just generalizing?

The only reason I suggested asking, is because I've tried it myself, and I've had a decent measure of success with it, even though I didn't always like the answer.


So these people you asked were treating you like a friend still and then they told you they really didn't want to be your friend when you asked them?


Their answers were a lot more complicated than that, I've also seen a lot of different answers, some of which were really out their, while others were deeply unique to that person and what they were currently going through.

The occasional answer I get that further muddies the water, is when they say that they're still my friend, but that they recently stopped/never liked me. Some said they disliked me, and even hated me, but still considered me a good friend. 8O

A long time ago, I would never have been able to comprehend such a concept, but now that I'm older, and wiser, I've come to understand that Friendship is just another word for Alliance. So when you approach the subject from that point of view, suddenly the relationship becomes a bit more functionally understood.


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Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment, but the last step on the path to salvation.

Idealist wrote:
My Autism was cured/treated in late childhood (this makes me a walking, talking, contradiction to 90% of the Forum who all believe Autism is incurable)


nurseangela
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18 Jan 2016, 2:48 am

Idealist wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Idealist wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Idealist wrote:
Gracey72 wrote:
How to tell if someone likes you?

Ask them. :|


They will lie or just choose not to answer you and change the subject.


Do you know her friends well enough to say so, or are you just generalizing?

The only reason I suggested asking, is because I've tried it myself, and I've had a decent measure of success with it, even though I didn't always like the answer.


So these people you asked were treating you like a friend still and then they told you they really didn't want to be your friend when you asked them?


Their answers were a lot more complicated than that, I've also seen a lot of different answers, some of which were really out their, while others were deeply unique to that person and what they were currently going through.

The occasional answer I get that further muddies the water, is when they say that they're still my friend, but that they recently stopped/never liked me. Some said they disliked me, and even hated me, but still considered me a good friend. 8O

A long time ago, I would never have been able to comprehend such a concept, but now that I'm older, and wiser, I've come to understand that Friendship is just another word for Alliance. So when you approach the subject from that point of view, suddenly the relationship becomes a bit more functionally understood.


OK, those answers make no sense to me and I would (for myself) cut those people out of my life.

What does your last paragraph mean? A REAL friendship between two people should be just like a marriage - love, trust, honesty, sharing, caring, etc.


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Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


Idealist
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18 Jan 2016, 3:19 am

nurseangela wrote:
OK, those answers make no sense to me and I would (for myself) cut those people out of my life.


Very few people, even those with Autism, stand alone. If I were to start cutting ties with people that didn't like me, or whom I didn't like, then it would cause needless friction among those that remain.

I've already passed the point where I could realistically cut people off without suffering some kind of social backlash, though I think my political situation is stable enough that I could rock the boat without losing barely any of my accumulated status. It just seems needlessly unnecessary to me, besides, I'm not so full of myself that I need surround myself with only people who love and adore me.

nurseangela wrote:
What does your last paragraph mean? A REAL friendship between two people should be just like a marriage - love, trust, honesty, sharing, caring, etc.


To me a "REAL Friendship" is one that is mutually beneficial, founded on desire, built up with trust, and then reinforced with blood, sweat and tears.


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Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment, but the last step on the path to salvation.

Idealist wrote:
My Autism was cured/treated in late childhood (this makes me a walking, talking, contradiction to 90% of the Forum who all believe Autism is incurable)


nurseangela
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18 Jan 2016, 3:35 am

Idealist wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
OK, those answers make no sense to me and I would (for myself) cut those people out of my life.


Very few people, even those with Autism, stand alone. If I were to start cutting ties with people that didn't like me, or whom I didn't like, then it would cause needless friction among those that remain.

I've already passed the point where I could realistically cut people off without suffering some kind of social backlash, though I think my political situation is stable enough that I could rock the boat without losing barely any of my accumulated status. It just seems needlessly unnecessary to me, besides, I'm not so full of myself that I need surround myself with only people who love and adore me.

nurseangela wrote:
What does your last paragraph mean? A REAL friendship between two people should be just like a marriage - love, trust, honesty, sharing, caring, etc.


To me a "REAL Friendship" is one that is mutually beneficial, founded on desire, built up with trust, and then reinforced with blood, sweat and tears.


My mouth is wide open because I can't believe what you are saying. A "friend" who says they don't like you or that they hate you has no desire or trust built up for you and they sure are not going to put out any blood, sweat or tears for you. Being around only people who love or like you does not mean you are "full of yourself" it means you want to be in respectful and trusting friendships and relationships. The ones you speak of are when people want to use you for their own good and throw you away when they are done with you.


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Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


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18 Jan 2016, 10:49 am

I should also mention that you have people who don't like you all along but they will play the part so they can get what they want.

1. Some do it because they are incredibly lonely and will lie about all their interests to so get you to like them. This is because they are bored. They may tell you that they love you like a brother or sister and all that but there are other things to look for.

1. They aren't excited to see you and stiffen up when you give them a hug.
2. They are often insecure and will find a way to put you down. They can also try to make you envious by rubbing things in your face that they got something that you wanted and didn't get.
3. They will cut you down by making it clear that their friends, family, spouse and co-workers don't like you in various hints.
4. They constantly make cutting remarks
5. Insult the way you look or how you do things



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20 Jan 2016, 3:26 pm

nerdygirl wrote:
My life is full of people who genuinely act like they are happy to see me when I talk to them, but do NOTHING to keep in touch with me in-between. They wouldn't talk bad about me, but they don't seek out my companionship either.


I wouldn't be surprised in this instance if these people have many people to share their time with. For people like us we may only have a few, if any, so when we do find a person we make sure we keep it that way, by showing real enthusiasm and genuineness. In a way, for them, they take having friends for granted, when we won't.



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20 Jan 2016, 4:57 pm

i_wanna_blue wrote:
nerdygirl wrote:
My life is full of people who genuinely act like they are happy to see me when I talk to them, but do NOTHING to keep in touch with me in-between. They wouldn't talk bad about me, but they don't seek out my companionship either.


I wouldn't be surprised in this instance if these people have many people to share their time with. For people like us we may only have a few, if any, so when we do find a person we make sure we keep it that way, by showing real enthusiasm and genuineness. In a way, for them, they take having friends for granted, when we won't.


I've had the hardest time keeping Aspie friends. Actually I have no Aspie friends now. The NT friends I don't have is because I cut them off for doing something unforgivable. The NT friendships did go for 10+ to 20+ years. ALL (and I mean every one of them) of the Aspie friends just stopped talking to me - no explanations from any of them of why they were going to stop. That happened even with my Aspie that I was friends with for 18 months going on 2 yrs. So in my experiences, Aspies are the ones that take friendships for granted.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


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20 Jan 2016, 9:42 pm

nurseangela wrote:
i_wanna_blue wrote:
nerdygirl wrote:
My life is full of people who genuinely act like they are happy to see me when I talk to them, but do NOTHING to keep in touch with me in-between. They wouldn't talk bad about me, but they don't seek out my companionship either.


I wouldn't be surprised in this instance if these people have many people to share their time with. For people like us we may only have a few, if any, so when we do find a person we make sure we keep it that way, by showing real enthusiasm and genuineness. In a way, for them, they take having friends for granted, when we won't.


I've had the hardest time keeping Aspie friends. Actually I have no Aspie friends now. The NT friends I don't have is because I cut them off for doing something unforgivable. The NT friendships did go for 10+ to 20+ years. ALL (and I mean every one of them) of the Aspie friends just stopped talking to me - no explanations from any of them of why they were going to stop. That happened even with my Aspie that I was friends with for 18 months going on 2 yrs. So in my experiences, Aspies are the ones that take friendships for granted.


In my experience, other people do not put so much effort into keeping the relationship going and I get tired and then sort-of collapse. Then if the person doesn't come around and get the friendship going again, it looks like I dropped the ball. But I really didn't.



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21 Jan 2016, 4:58 am

nurseangela wrote:

I've had the hardest time keeping Aspie friends. Actually I have no Aspie friends now. The NT friends I don't have is because I cut them off for doing something unforgivable. The NT friendships did go for 10+ to 20+ years. ALL (and I mean every one of them) of the Aspie friends just stopped talking to me - no explanations from any of them of why they were going to stop. That happened even with my Aspie that I was friends with for 18 months going on 2 yrs. So in my experiences, Aspies are the ones that take friendships for granted.


I wasn't distinguishing between ASpies and NT's, instead those who have a lot of social interaction and those who don't. But it would be normal to think that Aspies would value friendships more, since they're likely to be harder to come by for them.

I've had that experience online as well. I think I may know the reason why though (in some cases). I'm sorry you went through that, I know it's really frustrating to say the least. I wish I also knew for certain why people just cut off any communication, but I give them the benefit of the doubt since sometimes it's hard to explain your way out of talking to someone.


nerdygirl wrote:

In my experience, other people do not put so much effort into keeping the relationship going and I get tired and then sort-of collapse. Then if the person doesn't come around and get the friendship going again, it looks like I dropped the ball. But I really didn't.


I think they might not put in the effort because to them others may already be adding enough interaction to keep them satisfied. That sucks though, since we all wanna be made more of a priority. I've had friends like that in the past where they are to me my best and most valued friend, and I am to them someone near the bottom of their list.



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21 Jan 2016, 5:59 am

i_wanna_blue wrote:
nurseangela wrote:

I've had the hardest time keeping Aspie friends. Actually I have no Aspie friends now. The NT friends I don't have is because I cut them off for doing something unforgivable. The NT friendships did go for 10+ to 20+ years. ALL (and I mean every one of them) of the Aspie friends just stopped talking to me - no explanations from any of them of why they were going to stop. That happened even with my Aspie that I was friends with for 18 months going on 2 yrs. So in my experiences, Aspies are the ones that take friendships for granted.


I wasn't distinguishing between ASpies and NT's, instead those who have a lot of social interaction and those who don't. But it would be normal to think that Aspies would value friendships more, since they're likely to be harder to come by for them.

I've had that experience online as well. I think I may know the reason why though (in some cases). I'm sorry you went through that, I know it's really frustrating to say the least. I wish I also knew for certain why people just cut off any communication, but I give them the benefit of the doubt since sometimes it's hard to explain your way out of talking to someone.


nerdygirl wrote:

In my experience, other people do not put so much effort into keeping the relationship going and I get tired and then sort-of collapse. Then if the person doesn't come around and get the friendship going again, it looks like I dropped the ball. But I really didn't.


I think they might not put in the effort because to them others may already be adding enough interaction to keep them satisfied. That sucks though, since we all wanna be made more of a priority. I've had friends like that in the past where they are to me my best and most valued friend, and I am to them someone near the bottom of their list.