I guess I am an accidental a-hole.
12 May 2016, 9:03 am
beakybird wrote:
Sphagnum wrote:
beakybird wrote:
Thing is though, beware Aspie superiority.
It wouldn't be as difficult if more people were capable of seeing their own fallacies and issues. But in my experience if someone isn't making sense, is sending mixed messages, expecting you to read their bloody mind, or expecting you to just "go with the flow" even when the flow is illogical or counterproductive, most of the time if you don't just play along, they become defensive and even weirder, and try to spin it around on you.
So then not only are they not making any sense, but they also expect you to just play self-deprecating doormat and pretend like you're just a weird silly-head for pointing out that something didn't make any sense. Like let's all pretend like it really did make sense, while we accuse the aspie of being rude, offensive or difficult, or "stupid".
Sometimes it's like no mfers you really are irrational nutbags. And when people are being irrational and obnoxious, yet ever insisting that you are the stupid one, it can be hard not to push back against it just as much.
I know exactly what you, and, he, means. Completely. But even though the differences are frustrating, you're not better, just better in a certain trait. Strengths and weaknesses. We're all different. Sure, dealing with the differences when you are in an overwhelming minority is extremely difficult. And other people lack the understanding, or perception to realize that. But we do. So why not use it? Instead of using those skills to put other people down in your mind (which I believe to be just overcompensating for an insecurity- in my experiences). You can see why the differences are there, they simply cannot most of the time. It's sort of like getting pissed off at the old lady in traffic. Makes sense to get mad a little, but she just cant go any faster. Her reflexes wont allow it.
I guess maybe years of being married to an emotionally sensitive NT has forced my hand in my development in this area. It was a frequent source of friction, but she was gifted in explaining things of the mind and gave me alot of very valuable insight into the mind of the general population. And having loved "one of them" very deeply, I had to find ways to resolve my love and the idea I had that certain perspectives, or lack thereof were "stupid". Because I couldn't possibly love someone stupid, but I loved this woman. And I didn't think was stupid, though did some things and had some reactions I found to be very "stupid". Luckily she did a good job of breaking a lot of those things down in a way I could understand. And this has helped me recognize this false superiority I've always had. Recognizing that breaks down a lot of walls as it pertains to interacting with a world that sometimes makes little sense. Communication becomes much more possible when you aren't half looking down at the people you are trying to talk to.
Out of all the examples you could have used you used the one with the old lady driving?! I have huge road rage and old people driving slow is my pet peeve! Either they better get off the fast lane and drive on the slow lane or not drive at all and have someone drive for them. Them driving slow is actually a hazard for other drivers and have caused a lot of accidents (at least in Miami). Im sorry beaky but you're just going to have to find another example to use. The hulk inside me almost came out when you mentioned old ladies and driving. I was having flashbacks of me driving on the road this week haha
And I'm sorry but I'm not going to keep bending over for people because they lack understanding and perception. You want us to do that every time? Hell to the f*ck no. They can be made to understand and be reasonable as I have some NT friends (no more than 4) that are pretty understanding especially after I talked to them and explained stuff the way I see them (they still don't know i'm an Aspie though, they just know I'm weird). They outnumber us by a lot so for me to willingly accept and bend over time and time again to their none understanding ways would drive me crazy. I rather work on a way to find a solution to educate and open up their eyes and mind that hey people like us have a clearly different way of thinking than them. Hopefully that would make them a little more understanding and see that we are in no way being disrespectful to them or trying to be an a**hole to them. We're literally just stating what we see and how we see it.
12 May 2016, 9:11 am
Also I was married to an overly sensitive NT as well. Didn't work out so well. I compromised a lot and she tried to compromise the best she could but yeah it just didn't work out. Didn't know I was an Aspie at the time but she just kept trying to make me an NT. My Aspie traits pretty much had to go in her eyes and I tried but just couldn't do it. Drove me insane! I'm sorry but I just couldn't do what you did. I did get more understanding like you did but it wasn't something that made me think like you do on this subject though lol I rather work on making NT's a bit more open minded that not everyone thinks as they do and that there shouldn't be anything wrong with that than to be super understanding of their lack of understanding and think our way of life is a threat or attack on theirs. I'm sorry I just can't do that
14 May 2016, 12:52 am
Gematron wrote:
beakybird wrote:
Sphagnum wrote:
beakybird wrote:
Thing is though, beware Aspie superiority.
It wouldn't be as difficult if more people were capable of seeing their own fallacies and issues. But in my experience if someone isn't making sense, is sending mixed messages, expecting you to read their bloody mind, or expecting you to just "go with the flow" even when the flow is illogical or counterproductive, most of the time if you don't just play along, they become defensive and even weirder, and try to spin it around on you.
So then not only are they not making any sense, but they also expect you to just play self-deprecating doormat and pretend like you're just a weird silly-head for pointing out that something didn't make any sense. Like let's all pretend like it really did make sense, while we accuse the aspie of being rude, offensive or difficult, or "stupid".
Sometimes it's like no mfers you really are irrational nutbags. And when people are being irrational and obnoxious, yet ever insisting that you are the stupid one, it can be hard not to push back against it just as much.
I know exactly what you, and, he, means. Completely. But even though the differences are frustrating, you're not better, just better in a certain trait. Strengths and weaknesses. We're all different. Sure, dealing with the differences when you are in an overwhelming minority is extremely difficult. And other people lack the understanding, or perception to realize that. But we do. So why not use it? Instead of using those skills to put other people down in your mind (which I believe to be just overcompensating for an insecurity- in my experiences). You can see why the differences are there, they simply cannot most of the time. It's sort of like getting pissed off at the old lady in traffic. Makes sense to get mad a little, but she just cant go any faster. Her reflexes wont allow it.
I guess maybe years of being married to an emotionally sensitive NT has forced my hand in my development in this area. It was a frequent source of friction, but she was gifted in explaining things of the mind and gave me alot of very valuable insight into the mind of the general population. And having loved "one of them" very deeply, I had to find ways to resolve my love and the idea I had that certain perspectives, or lack thereof were "stupid". Because I couldn't possibly love someone stupid, but I loved this woman. And I didn't think was stupid, though did some things and had some reactions I found to be very "stupid". Luckily she did a good job of breaking a lot of those things down in a way I could understand. And this has helped me recognize this false superiority I've always had. Recognizing that breaks down a lot of walls as it pertains to interacting with a world that sometimes makes little sense. Communication becomes much more possible when you aren't half looking down at the people you are trying to talk to.
Out of all the examples you could have used you used the one with the old lady driving?! I have huge road rage and old people driving slow is my pet peeve! Either they better get off the fast lane and drive on the slow lane or not drive at all and have someone drive for them. Them driving slow is actually a hazard for other drivers and have caused a lot of accidents (at least in Miami). Im sorry beaky but you're just going to have to find another example to use. The hulk inside me almost came out when you mentioned old ladies and driving. I was having flashbacks of me driving on the road this week haha
And I'm sorry but I'm not going to keep bending over for people because they lack understanding and perception. You want us to do that every time? Hell to the f*ck no. They can be made to understand and be reasonable as I have some NT friends (no more than 4) that are pretty understanding especially after I talked to them and explained stuff the way I see them (they still don't know i'm an Aspie though, they just know I'm weird). They outnumber us by a lot so for me to willingly accept and bend over time and time again to their none understanding ways would drive me crazy. I rather work on a way to find a solution to educate and open up their eyes and mind that hey people like us have a clearly different way of thinking than them. Hopefully that would make them a little more understanding and see that we are in no way being disrespectful to them or trying to be an as*hole to them. We're literally just stating what we see and how we see it.
I intentionally used the old lady because I have the same road rage. Excuse what appears to be getting on a pedestal or anything because I'm not really like that at all. I just know that it really isn't right to get mad, does me absolutely no good to be mad, so I'm getting in the face of hat for myself. Sorry If i projected that in your direction. Not trying to preach or anything too much But when I get on these kicks, I tend to encourage others to challenge what I perceive as their rigid thinking. Which is often very unwelcome, I understand. I assure you it's well intentioned.
I don't think bending over to them is so much what I mean, or intended to. It's more just that we all have our own positives we can add to each other if we choose to look at it that way. It's not always easy. And you don't have to give a f**k. s**t, I mostly don't give a f**k either. But in order to expect understanding for differences you have to reciprocate. If you look down at others they will look down at you. That's all I was saying man.
14 May 2016, 12:31 pm
Yeah getting mad at other drivers is a waste of time because why have them ruin your day? Just ignore them and if you get to a slow drover. Go around them. Many people are annoyed with slow drivers. One of my pet peeves is stupid pedestrians. Running in the middle of roads, not wearing anything reflective at night to catch your attention, and one time some dumb teenager started wandering in the road right as I drove by him and it startled me. He couldn't be bothered to wait for the light. But if I had hit him I would have been pissed about it because it's the driver's responsibility but what if they were dumb and jumped right in front of you? But just as long as they stay on the sidewalk and wait until there is no traffic to cross, I am fine just as long as they don't stop traffic. We even have a law here to stop for pedestrians anytime you see they are trying to cross. So basically you can jaywalk now even though it's illegal but the pedestrian law in place is to avoid any causalities.
I have had dumb drivers honk at me because I wasn't going at a green light because of other traffic. No green arrow, other cars have the right a way when you are turning so last night I had to wait for two cars to drive by before turning left at the green light and the car behind me honked. Couldn't he see the two other cars, dumb ass.
_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
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