22 Nov 2016, 3:51 pm
Quote:
i did once meet a guy whose "normal" and i thought he was AWESOME in everyway, we got on really well, like really well, and i actually felt happy for once, its like, i was looking for actual friendship, someone i actually have that normal friendship thing i see people have where they "get on like a house on fire" and for a while there, i had it, its amazing, but he doesnt talk with me anymore, he just....forgot about me even though i messaged him most days. i miss him, and ive been trying to get that back ever since but never have......sad really.
Yes! All of this!
22 Nov 2016, 3:57 pm
22 Nov 2016, 8:31 pm
mr.freeze wrote:
248RPA wrote:
I feel like that there are people who really enjoy and care about me, but I just can't reciprocate the feeling to their level of intensity. For some people, I am completely indifferent toward them, but they seem to be really attatched to me.
When I was younger, I thought people who said that they were SO sad to say good-bye to me were exaggerating their reactions. I wonder if they were just doing things the NT way or if they truly do care that much about me. If they truly do care that much, then it scares me how easily I can let people go.
When I was younger, I thought people who said that they were SO sad to say good-bye to me were exaggerating their reactions. I wonder if they were just doing things the NT way or if they truly do care that much about me. If they truly do care that much, then it scares me how easily I can let people go.
How about someone you cared for, someone who was important to you? Have you had feelings of attachment and affection towards those people?
The reason I ask is because I very much relate with what you are saying, but it is totally different for people I actually genuinely care about (of which there are few.) I'm not misanthropic, I'm usually just overwhelmed with my own needs. On top of that, I don't really know what others need unless they specifically ask me! When I try to do something for them it's either to inappropriate, late, redundant, or over the top.
I certainly did have strong feelings of attatchment and affection when I was very young. My parents tell stories that seem to corraborate that. However, over the years, it's almost as if I lost the ability to form deep connections to anyone. Or that I will try to shut down feelings of attatchment and affection that are getting too strong. Often, I'll just "play along" just for the sake of keeping everyone happy.
Right now, I do have people that I truly enjoy, but I won't care too much if I have to say good-bye. Hence, the concern about how easily I can let people go.
22 Nov 2016, 9:11 pm
Quote:
I certainly did have strong feelings of attatchment and affection when I was very young. My parents tell stories that seem to corraborate that. However, over the years, it's almost as if I lost the ability to form deep connections to anyone. Or that I will try to shut down feelings of attatchment and affection that are getting too strong. Often, I'll just "play along" just for the sake of keeping everyone happy.
Right now, I do have people that I truly enjoy, but I won't care too much if I have to say good-bye. Hence, the concern about how easily I can let people go.
Right now, I do have people that I truly enjoy, but I won't care too much if I have to say good-bye. Hence, the concern about how easily I can let people go.
Hm. Not to go full shrink on you, but it sounds like you're protecting yourself from disappointment more than anything else.
I've faced serial rejection by people I wanted to befriend / have care about me. This created a sort of abandonment experience. Sounds very similar to what I went through... dunno. I got to a place where I just shut it off, put up walls, didn't want to hope anymore. I know others who have gone through that kind of thing too.
Fortunately, given time, learning from experience and meeting some nice people, the heart can be healed.
But, something happens enough and you get to feel like it's inevitable. Keep your chin up. Your not alone.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,219
Location: the island of defective toy santas
22 Nov 2016, 9:16 pm
I just fail at reading people. 
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