I can only take so much negativity

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I don't know everyone needs to vent sometimes especially people with dreadful lives, this may be the only place people can feel like they can express the negative aspects of their lives.

There is a distinction to be made between venting constructively and taking your negative feelings out on the people around you. Some people do it IRL, some people save it up and blast it at people online. There are ways to vent that are healthier than others. Stewing in negativity isn't constructive and it can lead to people becoming abusive trying to act out their misery on others.

I save my venting for when I exercise, then I direct that energy at improving myself instead of trying to crap on others and make them feel as bad as I do--the latter I see here a lot. There are different ways to vent, some are more healthy than others.

It's the difference between "I'm frustrated and angry and I don't know what to do about it" and "I'm frustrated and angry so everyone else deserves to be frustrated and angry too, so I'm going to make everyone feel like I do".

Yeah abusing people is wrong, I think we should always strive to be polite and welcoming.

I didn't expect this thread to get as much discussion as it has. I would like to clarify what I meant. I'm not going to go very far out on a limb to support, encourage and help the people who are persistently negative. I may tell them how to find a good therapist, but then I'm turning the switch to "OFF."

I sincerely hope this doesn't offend anyone. We sometimes (even in this thread) see people take something personally even when it wasn't directed at them.

If anyone DOES feel offended - remember: Living well is the best revenge.

May you all live as well as possible!

I believe people have to learn to help themselves, while receiving the help of other people.

It’s not a “debt” when someone helps you. You owe nothing to the advice-giver.

Advice should be used as a complement to your own efforts.

Bea Arthur

Sometimes what you call "negative", someone else could call realistic

There is such a thing as too uppity

I know what you mean. Understandably, this is the kind of website where a lot of members are going to have negative experiences in their lives, or negative opinions on the world we're living in, and they feel like sharing their misery with like-minded individuals is a sort of therapy...but for me, personally, it's hard to read it all and not get dragged down into the same kind of pit trap.

I usually medicate with humor, but it's been difficult around here lately. I've been pretty close to just leaving the board entirely. It wouldn't be the first time.

BTW, I can't read anything you type and not picture the real Bea Arthur. I think we could all use a good cheesecake and some rum raisin ice cream.


I don't see a lot of your posts, but you always seem pretty sensible to me, and well-liked.

You do seem to have a habit of withdrawing from people, though. Is it because you think people dislike you?

Bea Arthur is expressing her feelings which is very important.

High positive social energy precious lil "people" are not that great either

They could be manic (like bipoLar)

And then you wonder how they act when they are not happy

There are five emotions and only one of them is happy

It gets on my nerves how some of those high positive social energy precious lil "people" talk so much, talk so loud,

Chuckling wisely every couple statements

The world needs some balance of personalities

(Fine)

But seriously it is like adrenal fatigue


emotional rollercoaster

This thread is you venting too and you unloading is equally as valid as anyone else.

Best thing to do if a thread title offends or doesn't interest you.....don't open it.

i think sometimes people just need to vent and are not looking for advice or someone to take on their suffering. i guess there is the "rant" thread to rant on.

i dont mind negative people. i only mind people who insult me or threaten me but other than that there is not one negative view that "surprises me" lol as long as it's not personally directed at me, people can post what they like ^^

Some "negatively" sometimes serves a function

But being negative for the purpose of being negative, or expressing anger , is not good

Thank you for posting this. For real. You're not alone with the way you feel - I can't stand the ceaseless negativity from certain people here either, especially over on the L&D subforum.

What I find worst is when advice is offered in good faith, is cherry picked and twisted beyond all recognition, and the response is false accusations of being part of the problem or of victimising the OP. I don't mind at all being told that my advice is irrelevant, has been unsuccessfully tried before, isn't something that the OP is able or prepared to do, or that advice simply wasn't being sought. I do also understand that severe depression and a lifetime of bullying can lead a person to see demons in the most unlikely of places, and that persistently being a victim of discrimination can lead to a persistent state of assuming that one is a victim in all situations.

But I'm just some guy on the internet trying to help out where I can, not a psychology professional, and I won't tolerate false accusations at odds with my intentions, nor allow myself to become anxious considering this possibility when trying to write a helpful response - especially with those people who's reflexive defensiveness is so eager that their response comes so soon that they cannot possibly have even taken the time to have fully read or comprehended what I was saying.

FWIW, Bea, I think that you have far more tolerance for this than I do. I think your posts are generally very insightful, your desire to help is obviously genuine, and I don't blame you at all if you occasionally feel the need to be blunt and state what you are really thinking. If we let people who simply won't be helped grind us down, then we don't have that energy to contribute to people who we are able to help, nor for ourselves when we need it. It isn't always a nice feeling to have to turn our backs on people, but it is necessary sometimes.

Being mostly Aspies here, I think most of us will be inclined to take certain things at face value when we interact with others. So if someone seems despairing and in need of help, we'll take that as fact - especially when they say they are.

Here is where it can get tricky. Yeah, really. If you've been "one down" all your life, and everything around you seems to be a competition that you can't even take third place in because all the winners have to be ... different from the way you are, there is going to be a hell of a lot of negative emotional pressure building up inside.

And at least in the US, social structures are NOT designed to help very many people. They're designed to *look* like they work, but they're not designed to *actually work*, most of the time.

Consider for a moment that family court, where you have to go to get a protection order if your SO likes to hit you? Is closed evenings, weekends and holidays. Now, when do you suppose is the highest risk time for domestic abuse? uh-huh.

Consider also that food banks and charity clinics and other good stuff like that have an unpleasant tendency to be open limited hours and usually in the nine-to-five window. Now, if you're on a minimum wage job like most working poor, do you get paid time off? Almost certainly not. You won't even get paid sick days, generally. And you almost certainly won't get time off for things like going to the food bank. Not with pay. So whatever you save on food, you lose in wages.

Great system, isn't it?

How do I know this stuff? (a) I read and (b) for a while I was a seminary student in an urban setting with a church that ministered to the working poor, and we had to know this stuff if we were going to be any credible help to anyone.

Now. What does a life like this do to people?

Sometimes it traps you in a pit of despair, with walls too high and steep to climb. You might get out if someone throws you a rope, as long as it's actually anchored to something (good job training, with soft skills, which is RARE, for instance. And an active placement program, so you actually GET A JOB after all is said and done.)

Sometimes you decide that self medication is the way to go. Funny that there are always bars and liquor stores in poorer areas, but no affordable grocery stores, with things like fresh produce...

Sometimes you decide that you'll give as good as you get, and this isn't always a conscious decision - neither are the others, by the way. But one way to give as good as you get is to tie people up in a web of conundrums and "yes, but that won't work and here's why" when they offer advice, because they're not where you are, they haven't been where you've been, and they simply do not know. That'll teach 'em to think they know better than you do what you've been through and what you're facing. And it will certainly give them a taste of what *your* life is like, all day, every day!

It doesn't, actually, but to the person mired in one awful situation after another, it can feel as if that's the only way to get someone to *really* walk a mile in your shoes. Confound 'em with crap, just like you deal with all the time, let them see how *they* like it, so there. *They* can always leave. *They* have nice lives and other options. *You* can't. *You* don't.

It is a very Pyrrhic victory. It helps nobody. But if it is the only infinitesimal "win" that seems to ever be available to someone, every now and then someone is going for it, because it feels like an accomplishment in the moment, even though it's harmful even in the short run.

There's not much that can be done about this; if someone is engaged in this inverse type of competition they're almost certainly not aware of it. So they first have to figure that out for themselves and then decide that it's not a victory worth having anymore. Efforts to show them this are likely to meet the same type of competition that other helping efforts have met.

It's very frustrating, but understanding that *this* may be happening will help prevent too much animosity towards the person engaged in it, because it really may be the only "win" they think they can get, and that's sad, so sad.

And, finally, sometimes it's just.... true. There ARE no resources. There IS no genuine help. From my own, relatively privileged experience, I have absolutely no adult Aspie support within range - there is no way I'm driving over an hour one way for it, sorry. And I can drive! Those near me who can't? Stuck.

(A common response is to suggest that the person lacking services magically start providing those services for others. Yeah, no. There's already enough self-deprivation going on, usually, no need to add more - with the extra added bonus of being expected to give to others what you cannot find for yourself. So that strangers will be more comfortable around you, basically. Besides, as an extreme example, have you ever tried to remove your own gallbladder or appendix? This. Is. Not. Sound. Advice.)

So... I offer this perspective from the basis of experience; if it helps, great; if not, ignore.