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[ Minor Rant ] I'm ignoring you! Deal with it!

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BenderRodriguez
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26 Apr 2019, 10:21 am

cberg wrote:
All either of you are doing here is gossiping. That is a solid reason for people to explicitly ignore you.


I hope you're not talking about me 8O

I was not aware this is forum drama and if it is I want no part in it. I was merely talking about my experiences in real life.


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Fnord
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26 Apr 2019, 10:32 am

BenderRodriguez wrote:
... I was not aware this is forum drama and if it is I want no part in it. I was merely talking about my experiences in real life.
Same here. Isn't talking about real-life experiences what this website if for? Carry on, Señor Bender!


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magz
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26 Apr 2019, 10:36 am

I used to have very fragile ego, too. But I found out it's damaging and I started working on it. My best defense is logic. I try to extract the factual information from the messages I get, even if they trigger some emotions in me (triggering emotions is also a factual information).


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kraftiekortie
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26 Apr 2019, 10:39 am

It's always good to rely on logic as something that "centers" things. That clarifies things.

But not to rely solely on logic.



BenderRodriguez
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26 Apr 2019, 10:40 am

Fnord wrote:
BenderRodriguez wrote:
... I was not aware this is forum drama and if it is I want no part in it. I was merely talking about my experiences in real life.
Same here. Isn't talking about real-life experiences what this website if for? Carry on, Señor Bender!

Thank you and I hope so!

It's really unpleasant when you're unaware of conflict between members and someone decides you're part of it :?



Offline, every time somebody made a big show of "ignoring" me, it was meant to actually get my attention and punish me.


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magz
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26 Apr 2019, 10:51 am

BenderRodriguez wrote:
Offline, every time somebody made a big show of "ignoring" me, it was meant to actually get my attention and punish me.

I have a different problem.
There is a narcissist-codependent pair in my family. The narcissist often makes big shows of ignoring someone.
The problem is, they interpret my need for alone time as making a show of ignoring them and they always make a fuss when I'm trying to quietly leave the room.

ED: As I wrote it, I saw the logic: there is no higher offence to someone with inflated ego than being genuinely uninterested in their company. They just can't get the "okay, you go your way, I go my way" idea.
But my alone time!


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BenderRodriguez
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26 Apr 2019, 11:05 am

magz wrote:
BenderRodriguez wrote:
Offline, every time somebody made a big show of "ignoring" me, it was meant to actually get my attention and punish me.

I have a different problem.
There is a narcissist-codependent pair in my family. The narcissist often makes big shows of ignoring someone.
The problem is, they interpret my need for alone time as making a show of ignoring them and they always make a fuss when I'm trying to quietly leave the room.


Yes, because ignoring or "making them" feel ignored is the worst thing you can do to a narcissist - everything is about them, including/especially things that are actually not.

They will always project their own motivation and behaviour on you, there's no escaping that or reasoning with them.


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Trueno
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26 Apr 2019, 11:18 am

When it comes to the "my way" and "highway" options I'm definitely a "highway" guy (apologies to ol' blue eyes).
But I wonder if there is a third option... sometimes I just zone out and go into standby mode. It's not so much invalidating the narcissist as stopping myself falling off my chair with boredom. I realise that sitting there with a glazed expression is not making much of a statement to the narcissist, but it's quite a safe option, especially if you're dealing with a family member.

UK comedian Bill Bailey put it really well: sometimes people think I'm listening to them, but I'm actually thinking... if I lie on the bathroom floor and rest my head on the bathroom scales, can I get an accurate weight for my head? What really amused me is that I've actually pondered that one myself.


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cberg
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26 Apr 2019, 11:51 am

BenderRodriguez wrote:
cberg wrote:
All either of you are doing here is gossiping. That is a solid reason for people to explicitly ignore you.


I hope you're not talking about me 8O

I was not aware this is forum drama and if it is I want no part in it. I was merely talking about my experiences in real life.


Well you guys were generalizing others as less logical than yourselves.


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BenderRodriguez
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26 Apr 2019, 11:59 am

^
Could you point to my post calling anybody less logical then myself?!

I have no clue whatsoever what you're on about, but I'm out of here. Whatever issues you have with Fnord, you should sort them out with him, not take it out on innocent bystanders :roll:


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The Grand Inquisitor
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26 Apr 2019, 12:06 pm

Fnord wrote:
I don't get it.

Why would an overly-sensitive and contentious person who sees conflict in even the most benign of statements suddenly declare that they are ignoring you? Do they believe that this will somehow hurt you? Do they think that depriving you of their abuse will somehow inspire you to beg them for more? Are they really so pride-filled that they believe that their presence somehow makes everyone else's life brighter and better?

It happens at work, at church, at the club, and even on-line. Yet when it happens, those people still talk to others about you (i.e., "Fnord is simply not worth my time"), and communicate with you through those others (i.e., "Tell Fnord that I'm still ignoring him.").

My best guess would be that this overly-sensitive, contentious person is hoping that by rubbing it in your face that they're ignoring you and that you're not worth their time, they'll be able to bait you into a confrontation and then assume a higher status by shutting you down and saying something like "dude, I already told you you're not worth my time!"

Fnord wrote:
Sometimes, a person will shout "I'm leaving" or "I never want to see you again", stomp out of the room, and then take every opportunity to impose their presence on whomever they were allegedly departing from.

What's up with all that?

If all you hope to achieve is leaving a situation, then yelling "I'm leaving" is clearly redundant. That is, unless you're doing it for some kind of emotional impact. I think it's generally a way of communicating that "I'm not happy, and you should feel bad!"

When was the last time you heard of someone intentionally slamming a door when no one else was around? Probably never, since someone slamming a door typically indicates to those around them that the slammer is angry, and they want everyone else to know it.



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26 Apr 2019, 12:12 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It's always good to rely on logic as something that "centers" things. That clarifies things.

But not to rely solely on logic.

Logic is basically my religion at this point.



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26 Apr 2019, 12:15 pm

cberg wrote:
I'm here to say I'm ignoring your BS, period.

Irony alert!



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26 Apr 2019, 12:17 pm

Fnord wrote:
TUF wrote:
It's a way to pretend that you're less important to them than they are to you. But if it was true, they would literally just ignore you instead of going around telling people that was what they were doing.
That makes sense. But if I'm not important to them, then why not ignore me? What is wrong with them? (Rhetorical questions, possibly unanswerable.)


Because there's a difference between wanting you to feel it and it actually being true.



magz
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26 Apr 2019, 12:18 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
It's always good to rely on logic as something that "centers" things. That clarifies things.

But not to rely solely on logic.

Logic is basically my religion at this point.

It's not my religion. It's my strength I build my survival skills on.
It saved my life more than once, in some cases, literally.


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cberg
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26 Apr 2019, 12:26 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
cberg wrote:
I'm here to say I'm ignoring your BS, period.

Irony alert!


No, I'm just tired of Fnord being disrespectful & I think it's hypocritical. I see nothing ironic about standing up & saying something when people fail to behave themselves. This is a guy who is constantly telling us to shape up & he talks to me like a 6 year old.


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