Was this woman making fun of me?

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funeralxempire
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26 Jan 2020, 3:06 am

FletcherArrow wrote:

Joe90 wrote:

I used to speak to this woman who got on my bus often, and one late afternoon as I was on my way home from seeing a friend I was chatting to this woman and before I got off the bus I said, "oh, I'll be lonely when I get home." And she said, "talk to your imaginary friend." So I said that I don't have an imaginary friend, and she said, "don't you? I do, I say hello to her when I'm at home and I talk to her." I was like, "OK...."

I found it strange for a grown woman to openly talk about having an imaginary friend. But then I wondered to myself, was she making fun of me? Was it a subtle way of saying "I don't think you have friends, I think you're making it up" or something? I did have a few friends, OK I might have exaggerated a little and said I had more friends than what I really did, but it was still believable enough and I'm a friendly chatty person so it's not like I'm unlikeable or unapproachable. She only knew me as this chatty girl on a bus, so she didn't really know my whole life.

The situation you described is a typical Aspie situation. That is, some NT says something and you can't figure out what they mean by it.

From what you said, she could have been making fun of you. She could just have been weirder than you. Or, she might have been joking in a friendly way, or a little bit of all three.

May I suggest that you figure out how to tolerate not knowing what she meant. You might never be able to decode it. So, instead, try to figure that she is weird, and even if she was teasing you, don't let it bother you or matter to you.

If she's also weird, she might just be looking for someone to bounce weird comments off of.

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chemicalsandotherpeopleswords
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26 Jan 2020, 9:30 pm

Seconding funeralxempire. I highly doubt she was making fun of you.

People who get asked out by guys and have the opportunity to go on dates may not have much opportunity to be with people they can really talk to and depend on.

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Joe90
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27 Jan 2020, 2:02 pm

I hope nobody's sugarcoating anything here, because while I usually prefer people to be less blunt, in this case I'm asking for real blunt and honest answers. I'm not really upset by her, I'm just weirded out more like.

I don't think this was an "Aspie misunderstanding", because it didn't take me long to get the feeling that she was subtly making fun of me, and usually an Aspie misunderstanding would come from taking it literally and not taking a hint. I think she was trying to say "you look like a weirdie, I don't believe you have any friends, you just made them up". I just have that feeling. Like I said, I found out by someone else that she was rather fake and would pretend to like you when really she was laughing at you or just being nosy.
She started to pretend to be stuck up, which I think is worse to make out that you're stuck up than actually being stuck up in the beginning. I'm glad I finally realised that she was not a very nice person. I'm not the only one who was fooled though. I saw other regular passengers, and the bus-drivers, make a huge fuss of her and when she wasn't on the bus for a few days people would start asking each other where she was. Little do they know who she really is.

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kraftiekortie
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27 Jan 2020, 2:51 pm

Even if she was making fun of you.....big deal!

She doesn't know you. It might not be YOU that causing her to make fun of you. It might be her own problems that's causing her to make fun of you.

People used to make fun of me all the time. They had no basis for making fun of me. They did it because they had their own problems.

You don't go around talking to yourself on buses. This person might not be making fun of you at all. She might really have an imaginary character in her life.

I'm not sugarcoating this.

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27 Jan 2020, 3:12 pm

Joe90 wrote:

I hope nobody's sugarcoating anything here, because while I usually prefer people to be less blunt, in this case I'm asking for real blunt and honest answers. I'm not really upset by her, I'm just weirded out more like.

You asked for it.

I genuinely believe she was bantering, and that the people on this thread, including yourself, are taking what she said VERY literally. She was taking the mick out of you AND herself, as a form of banter. She wasn't being serious. Some NTs do this type of bantering a lot. It's nothing to be concerned about at all.

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Joe90
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27 Jan 2020, 4:18 pm

smudge wrote:

Joe90 wrote:

You asked for it.

I genuinely believe she was bantering, and that the people on this thread, including yourself, are taking what she said VERY literally. She was taking the mick out of you AND herself, as a form of banter. She wasn't being serious. Some NTs do this type of bantering a lot. It's nothing to be concerned about at all.

I figured that out myself.
I don't think I was taking it "VERY" literally, otherwise I wouldn't have had a feeling that she might have meant something else.

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smudge
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27 Jan 2020, 4:57 pm

Joe90 wrote:

smudge wrote:

Joe90 wrote:

I figured that out myself.
I don't think I was taking it "VERY" literally, otherwise I wouldn't have had a feeling that she might have meant something else.

First rule of communication: NEVER assume anything.

Definition of banter: The playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks.

You were right that she might have meant something else. I use capital letters for emphasis.

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Joe90
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27 Jan 2020, 7:14 pm

smudge wrote:

Joe90 wrote:

smudge wrote:

Joe90 wrote:

I figured that out myself.
I don't think I was taking it "VERY" literally, otherwise I wouldn't have had a feeling that she might have meant something else.

I knew what the capital letters were for.

I do normally "get" banter. There's banter that goes on every day at work and I don't have any issues understanding it.
But the way this woman expressed her jokes was a bit confusing. Or maybe she just isn't funny.

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smudge
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28 Jan 2020, 3:02 am

Alright, you missed that out at the beginning. How did she express her jokes, and what was it she did that made them confusing?

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funeralxempire
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28 Jan 2020, 3:30 am

Joe90 wrote:

smudge wrote:

Joe90 wrote:

smudge wrote:

Joe90 wrote:

I figured that out myself.
I don't think I was taking it "VERY" literally, otherwise I wouldn't have had a feeling that she might have meant something else.

One thing I've had to learn in life is to never assume you're the only weirdo in the interaction. She's a bit odd, oh well, so are many people.

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28 Jan 2020, 3:34 am

^ The woman wasn't being serious, she was messing about.

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funeralxempire
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28 Jan 2020, 3:56 am

smudge wrote:

^ The woman wasn't being serious, she was messing about.

I'm aware of this, I pointed it out earlier. :wink:

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28 Jan 2020, 4:17 am

funeralxempire wrote:

smudge wrote:

^ The woman wasn't being serious, she was messing about.

I'm aware of this, I pointed it out earlier. :wink:

Since this is British type banter, I have heard and seen joked about quite a lot that you yanks find it odd and don't understand it yourselves.

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funeralxempire
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28 Jan 2020, 1:26 pm

smudge wrote:

funeralxempire wrote:

smudge wrote:

^ The woman wasn't being serious, she was messing about.

I'm aware of this, I pointed it out earlier. :wink:

Since this is British type banter, I have heard and seen joked about quite a lot that you yanks find it odd and don't understand it yourselves.

I'm not a Yank though, I'm from the grim and frostbitten northern wasteland known as Canada. :nerdy:

smudge
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28 Jan 2020, 2:01 pm

What's the difference? Just kidding!!

I honestly hardly know anything about Canada and its inhabitants though.

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