17 Toxic Phrases Emotionally Intelligent People Notice

Post Reply New Topic

You know what I mean!

How many times do I have to tell you?

You should know by now!

btw Fnord this is how your posts read on dark.
I actually asked around to find out why you keep posting blank pages lmaoooo.
I thought you'd been being very passive aggressive for a long time.

So, are you saying that when I format the letters to be black -- like this -- you cannot read them?

I am sorry.  Looks like I will have to stop using black format.

I honestly didn't know what it was about.
I thought you weren't posting anything, for a long time.
I kept asking people if you were OK lol, and they didn't know what I meant.
Then you'd quote people and their quote would show, but you'd have no comment.
(Sorry I can't find an example of that.)

It's not a big deal.
I think it was Recidivist who told me it was your lettering.
Now I just flip over to white screen to read you.

lol - I'm just pointing out how we can think someone has an ulterior motive and they don't.

It's not WHAT you say. It's WHO you are while saying it.

NTs already pick up that something is OFF about us, but can't put a finger on it. I think that's why a lot of these expressions are then used as "evidence" to justify whatever problem they have with us. But they're already uncomfortable/unhappy with us before we open our mouths. They're not listening to our words, per se, simply already feeling a sense of disgust toward us. Anything said thereafter is just more fodder to justify and "prove" the need for their hostility.

If another NT they were cool with said these same expressions, they probably wouldn't even register them as problematic. It's not the WORDS. It's the PERSON speaking them.

No, it is what the recipient imagines as the speaker's intent or motivation for saying what was said.

For instance, one person hearing the words, "Cute kids" during a school play may think "Aww ... a compliment!", while another person hearing the same words at the same time from the same person may think, "Uh-oh ... a peadophile!"

It happens.

Why did you ignore the spellcheck when you misspelled pedophile?

While it's true that a speaker's words can be misperceived by various listeners, this post seems to be discussing one-on-one conversation. It's not simply a misperception on the part of the listener. The question becomes WHY does that listener get so frustrated without asking for clarification? The answer is not simply a miscommunication, but the NT listener also having a preconceived bias against the Aspie for being different / "off."

^ Leading with criticism -- another toxic phrase emotionally intelligent people notice.

It was an honest question. I wondered if you were trying to pretentiously spell it the British way, but got that wrong, too.

And it's toxic to hone in on that starter sentence and ignore the crux of the argument, as emotionally intelligent people may also notice.

a lot of us are hermits because it's a minefield out there. i never know what particular will come out of my mouth that will make me persona non grata.

On the other hand, you never know when some random snowflake will be offended by something that comes out of your mouth and makes you persona non grata.

When you confront them “I don’t appreciate this…”

“It’s clear that you don’t….”

“It’s clear that…”

“I know better.”

I can think of reasons.

My "favorite" has always been "You're the smartest guy I ever met, but..." followed by the sort of lecture one gives to a child. Although later in life I've learned how better to avoid such situations.

Regarding Fnord: If I fully retire, perhaps I'll develop a Chrome plug-in that I'll call a Fnordinator. It will strip [black][/black] markup from his posts so everyone can read them. BTW when did WP start supporting Dark Mode anyway? The "new" WP was stood up almost 10 years ago, and I don't think Dark Mode was a thing back then. Would love to know the identity of that person.

^ Meh, go ahead.  I have already stopped using it because someone I consider a friend said they had to go to extra effort to read my posts.