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University/College Age Friendships 18-24

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samtoo
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25 Aug 2007, 2:19 pm

BenJ wrote:
I'm 19 and feel the same way. People dont want friends they seek a "gain" of sorts. You really described it very aptly. No one is selfless in relationships at that age and it sucks. People who are truly kind and give of themselves are outcast. It is bizarre.


Yes it's a dog eat dog world out there I'm afraid... this has taught me to be more ruthless and tougher, but at the same time more 'out for myself'. But my strategy is this - start out like one of the people who looks after themselves more... and eventually I can sink my teeth deeper... and once in a less vulnerable state I'll open up more... and so on and so on until we've created a great chemisty, whoever this will be with, and I can be just myself... then, and only then, can I afford to give myself to the one I want, whoever that be.

But I'll only do that once the chemistry is there - this would have to take months. So basically the majority of my relationships (I hope there are some in the future lol) I'll be 'out for myself' until the one I be with has proven they like me to such an extent they are willing to stick it out for months, and then I'll open myself up completely. This may only happen once in a lifetime then... lol.


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Wolfpup
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29 Aug 2007, 3:28 pm

I wouldn't have the foggiest idea what to do at a "party". I have no clue what it is people do at those, and they terrify me.



tcorrielus
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29 Aug 2007, 8:32 pm

I once thought that college would be a good place to make friends w/ better people unlike back in high school. But that never came true. I'm just in the same situation that jkrane is in. And I do believe that this currency idea is essential in making friendships or social connections. If one person always calls the other guy, and that other guy doesn't call him ever, then that's NOT friendship. I would exchange cellphone numbers, email addresses, and screennames w/ people in college and contact them on a Friday or Saturday night, but they would never contact me or were just too busy socializing or partying with their other best friends. They also would never bother asking me to hang out with them. Friendship involves treating others equally.

I also discovered that there were lots of partying and boozing at my college,, and I never believed in boozing and getting drunk. What was the point of doing so??? The big problem in college, especially today, is that I cannot appeal to anyone very well and thus, cannot establish friendships with them. I want to make friends w/ people who are kinda like me. People w/ the same interests and morals, and those that deeply care for me and will not exploit me. I would never do any kind of sh*t to become anyone's friend.



Wolfpup
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30 Aug 2007, 3:23 pm

tcorrielus wrote:
I once thought that college would be a good place to make friends w/ better people unlike back in high school. But that never came true.


I think I was told that too-or at least that it would be easier in terms of not getting bullied. That part was true, but I never made any friends at all during college. I did have a few guys I hung out with for a while, I guess, but I think I screwed that up because I didn't know how to keep that going right.

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...and I never believed in boozing and getting drunk. What was the point of doing so???


I never understood that either. Plus, I have way more than enough problems as it is. I can't imagine adding drinking to the mix!



JerryHatake
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01 Sep 2007, 7:58 pm

I agree with Cyanide.


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01 Sep 2007, 10:25 pm

Cyanide wrote:
I say just be yourself. If you're yourself, you'll be more likely to find people that are worth associating with. If you don't find anyone in college that's worth associating with, then that sucks, but it's better than being a façade and associating with people you don't care for. Even though the typical NT response is to not be yourself, that's crap. Be yourself, don't be afraid of it. You're probably so angry, because you can't come to terms with who you are. You have AS and take a painting class with significantly older people. So what? You don't have to be ashamed of it. If people don't like you because of things like that, then screw them, they're not worth your time.


I'm not ashamed of anything I do and love.

The problem is, I don't have access to girls (a valuable resouce, apparenly) and/or good parties, so people want nothing to do with me. It's only when they suspect that I will share academic material, that they talk to me.



tcorrielus
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02 Sep 2007, 12:41 pm

How can you not have access to college girls Cyanide? Do you live far away from campus or what?



jkrane
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03 Sep 2007, 3:34 pm

tcorrielus wrote:
How can you not have access to college girls Cyanide? Do you live far away from campus or what?


In order to have access to them, he needs to trade with them.

This means that if you had access to 1 party (not your own), you would be able to get 4-5 girls to go with you, and like you for it.

Welcome to the "market of college love and friendship".

If you made you're own party, you would earn tonnes of girls, and you can trade them for other benefits on the market. More parties, more girls. Throw a good party, and you have assets.



Wolfpup
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04 Sep 2007, 2:13 pm

Is this stuff for real? I've never heard of anything like that before. Didn't have the slightest clue about it. What do people actually DO at parties? Why do they want to go to them?



woodsman25
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04 Sep 2007, 2:49 pm

Wolfpup wrote:
Is this stuff for real? I've never heard of anything like that before. Didn't have the slightest clue about it. What do people actually DO at parties? Why do they want to go to them?


I like to make an apperence, its how you stay connected with people, if you dont get out their you will find yourself alone without any avenue to return and obtain some kind of social connectedness. I go even when I know ill hate being their and I dont stay a long time, ill drink a few beers, and, well... its soo damn hard when you dont know people, but I put on my confidence face (a few beers later) and start mingling and guess what?? Ive met some very cool people that way, and made new friends. You gotta get out their weather ya like it or not.


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04 Sep 2007, 3:29 pm

I don't drink either, so this really works great for me :D

Ah well, too late either way, since I've basically given up on college :(



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05 Sep 2007, 1:13 am

jkrane wrote:
** I've tried to fit in many times and failed at it. I tried to change myself for this dehumanized mass, failed miserably, and ended up pissed off at myself, and them.

I've tried to be known for something but I suck at everything the NTs are interested in. I suck at the following:

1. Sports (that's a big one)
2. Comedy (I'm just not 'ha-ha' funny)
3. Acting (Can't put on a show that these people will buy...sigh...I guess I'm just not stupid enough :roll: )
4. Lowering my intelligence to the level of a grapefruit (I'm being generous here, most people aren't that intelligent, but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt).
5. Using People (I don't know how to do that, and I have a conscience, so I guess I'm not cool)
6. Taking other people's crap (Mess with me, I mess with you...an eye for an eye...don't mess with jKrane)
**I know the difference between joking around, and actual disrespect.**

7. Everytime I try to please NTs, I just keep screwing up. I can't change who I am, and it is damn hard to pretend I am someTHING (emphasis on the word, "thing) I am not. I am someONE, not someTHING.



Jkrane, your first post rings very true. I believe there is a currency system and I have found out first hand that you need friends to make friends. I was excited to enter college in my freshman year and thought I was well prepared to make a friend, starting sophomore year I'm depressed because it hasn't worked and doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon.

Being known for something isn't a cure all. Being one of the basketball stars at my college hasn't helped me socially, neither has my sense of humor. It's something else.

Todd489 wrote:
So while your average dumbass frat boy is working at Best Buy trying to save up enough cash to buy the latest season of Family Guy on dvd, I'll be making tons of money, going places, and doing important and awesome stuff.


It's nice to look at the bright side but school success won't get you everywhere. I'm on pace to graduate with high honors, I go to a prestigious college, and I am afraid that I will still end up working at Best Buy. The reason is simple: I suck at job interviews, I won't be able to network well either.


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Kepler
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05 Sep 2007, 9:15 pm

Yay, social currency!

What's funny is when you ammass a lot of social currency, so to speak, but have no idea how to use it. When I was a freshman, I was quite well-known in my college for being an amazing original piano player... but I had no idea how to use that to my advantage and make close friends, get girls, etc.

Honestly, most of the friends I have in/from college are people who I spent a lot of time around... or to phrase it a bit differently, people who spent a lot of time around me. I'm not quite sure what happened and really have no idea how to go about "choosing" friends and whatnot; there's just some kind of an inevitability to it. And even then, I feel a bit guarded and uncomfortable around most people I kind of consider "friends." I actually withdrew from a certain group of them last year, just because I was getting a lot of mixed signals and was afraid they all hated me or something. People can be very confusing, especially when placed together...