amaren
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 23 Apr 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 187
Location: wallowing in bed
08 May 2008, 10:16 pm
Speckles wrote:
So in the case of the camp-sort-of-gay acquaintance, he's probably trying to indicate that dispite the fact that he's contradicting you, there's no hard feelings. A good way to test this is to touch him back the same way he touched you. If he gets upset, then it was a dominance touch. If he's neutral or gets more friendly, then it was a friendly touch.
With the doctor, he's also probably trying to reassure you. Most doctors know that some people find them scary, so some of them do stuff to try to reassure their patients. He's likely talking about something fairly personal with you, so he may be trying to indicate that what he's saying shouldn't be regarded as an attack. However, using the touch test from the previous example probably wouldn't be a good idea. In the doctor's office, the doctor is by definition the one in change, and so clearly the dominant one. Letting someone touch you is a submissive behaviour, and so could threaten the doctor's control of the situation. There's also the issue of professional distance - doctors get in real legal trouble if they get too emotionally close to their patients. So he probably won't react well regardless of the context.
With the doctor, he's also probably trying to reassure you. Most doctors know that some people find them scary, so some of them do stuff to try to reassure their patients. He's likely talking about something fairly personal with you, so he may be trying to indicate that what he's saying shouldn't be regarded as an attack. However, using the touch test from the previous example probably wouldn't be a good idea. In the doctor's office, the doctor is by definition the one in change, and so clearly the dominant one. Letting someone touch you is a submissive behaviour, and so could threaten the doctor's control of the situation. There's also the issue of professional distance - doctors get in real legal trouble if they get too emotionally close to their patients. So he probably won't react well regardless of the context.
Thanks for your comments, it was really interesting.
It was made quite clear to me that in the first case, the acquaintance didn't like me at all, and he generally tried to be very dominant socially, so it would make little sense if he meant it well. Now that I think about it, perhaps it didn't suit him that I don't play my role in his social scheme, just mindlessly agreeing because he was 'coolest'
I have continuing trouble with this doctor.. you're right, she probably is trying to be reassuring, but it really doesn't work. She regularly comes close enough that I panic, then treats me like a moron because I'm breathing too fast. Asking her not to gets a 'don't be silly, it's just me, I'm not scary' response, and without an AS diagnosis, trying to take such things further with non-specialist doctors just leads to sedatives and useless talk therapy (how many people do I have to tell I'm not depressed?!).. sorry, rant rant rant - this is a sensitive topic for me - but it's the only free medical care I can get. I'd rather get free prescriptions and injury treatment and put up with stupid-doctor than pay $100 for someone sensible, so I should be quiet about it
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