Never ask a local for directions.

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Finally, an explanation. It used to drive me crazy that my bf wouldn't ask directions. Now I understand! Thanks.

tahitii you don't think much of asking a man the way eh
I don't really think in gender stereo types of men and women, because I don't think they exist in this way, it is something created, imprented by and imbedded in society.
I don't get a connection at all with a person or see a connection before I have to ask the way. I just need to go from A to B that's all.
I learned from womens selfdefence that the way you walk, your attitude is quite important to make the chances less to get harrassed by anybody. Not just useful with asking the way but generally quite useful. If you get into trouble use your voice, be loud, make yourself noticed. And if you have to fight, fight.
I will recommend self defence classes to everybody, especially (shy) aspies without martial arts skills, like me.

Wow, does that post speak volumes.

No, I didn’t “think much” of it at all. All those years, I figured I was just a person interacting with another person. I was not. I was a clueless person (rational and naive) interacting with an unconscious entity that carried a confusing, self-contradictory mixture of hormones, conflicting identities, conditioned reponses, preconceived notions and unresolved issues that had nothing to do with me. It gets even more confusing because NTs come in a whole spectrum of awakeness.

For example, I realize now that ALL interactions between a pretty young woman and a neanderthal man are automatically flirting situations. What makes the well-civilized NT behave well is not that he is awake, but that he has been re-programmed to make all the right moves and give the impression of being reasonable. This is the best we can hope for. As long as he keeps his hands to himself, it works for me.

Me neither. It’s all so stupid. Tribes and genders and aliances make no sense to me at all. What matters is that it makes sense to them, and they need to be educated, one issue at a time. No, not “educated.” The NT is uneducable. They need to be re-programned, one issue at a time. Both the hormones and the culture work to create a mindless creature that is incomprehensible, especially to itself.

Define “exist.”

That’s only half the story. It’s a nature/nurture question, and BOTH the hormones AND the culture say that gender and tribe are important.

That’s the point. I don’t see the stupid connections. But to them, it’s everything. The only way around it is to re-program the individual to broaden his concept of the tribe. Getting rid of the primal importance of the tribe is simply not an option. The well-civilized NT can be programmed to see himself as a “citizen of the world,” and therefore connected to everyone.

Me? I'm from another planet, and not connected to anyone.

I’ve never taken such a course, but I’ve heard bits and pieces and I think I get the general idea. It’s basically just a bunch of NTs trying to make sense of themselves, each other and their own nature. The old mill (elements of culture) makes sense to them because it’s real to them. They neglect to mention those little side streets (basic nature) because they don’t know they are there.

Like I said, never ask a local for directions. They don’t know what they’re talking about.

I do take it as a compliment - of all the people they could ask, I look like I know the most, LOL! I do find people implicitly trust me (I have even had strangers hand me off their kids at a bus stop to "watch them for a minute" - they didn't know who I was, but I just look like I can be trusted, I suppose). My anxiety lies in the fact that I would hate to tell someone to go one way, and then later I realize I said left when I meant right, and they must think I was trying to be a smart aleck. If I can help, like I say, I will, but if I can't, I have to let them know that my directions may be useless. That is the reason why I carry the maps around, a little back up if I need it

For the record, most of the people who have asked me for directions have been males.

Number 1, in the original post, is certainly true for me. I do get asked for directions a lot. I have to really, really think about what I'm telling people, because although I will always know the way and would always get there no problem myself, it is subconscious so hard to put into words.

Something funny happened yesterday. Okay, maybe funny "scary" rather than funny "ha ha". I was riding my bike and happened upon an elderly partially blind man holding on to two red tipped canes, who kept doing his best silent movie imitation of a blind man trying to cross a freakishly busy highway - unfortunately it was real. I watched with horror as this happened over a light change and thought, I have better go and see if I can do anything - I learned a long time ago not to interfere in a situation where a blind person "appeared" to be in trouble, but I thought I would be reasonably safe offering help in this situation because he was fumbling around quite a bit. He kind of accepted my help because he had gotten turned around, but began demanding which way was "West". My mind drew a blank. I am directionally challenged at the best of times, but a slightly irate blind fellow swinging his canes at me demanding "west" at the same time didn't help. Had I had a moment, I would have realized to look towards the happily setting sun, I would have KNOWN then exactly where west but I thought of that too late, and I don't know if that would have brought the words anyway. I was having a devil of a time getting him positioned in the street so he could continue (the man for some reason could not see me pointing, gee whiz, I wonder why...) Finally another pedestrian very kindly took pity on the scene and got the man straightened out. Oh well, if I did anything, I stopped the gentleman from walking out in front of a speeding SUV like I was sure he was about to, long enough for someone else to come to *my* rescue, LOL!

That was an interesting story, thanks for sharing it. It makes me think why your help can be refused when offered or that in general I get the idea that people don't like being helped or seen helpless. I have an elder friend, who requires a cane to walk with now, because of some complications in his knee. When I saw him one day I noticed his difficulty in walking, I asked him why he didn't just use his cane. His response was that he didn't want people offering help or offering him their seat on public transport. Oh that is so interesting, it seems mundane but in reality it opens so much avenues of discussion. It reminds me of the pure vindictiveness I saw on a website where someone posted about his problems with his Aspergers. The comments, in response, were pure verbal violence, it was unbelievable! Why? Because he dared to post about a weakness of his! They even thought it was him trying to sly away from his own responsibilities! On the news I was watching a segment about a supposed gene that may explain why some people can be more in danger of obesity than others. The anchor lady in a discussion with a guest was worried if that would be an excuse for those who are obese to make excuses! I find this culture unbelievable. The more I think about it, the more I come to the conclusion that the sages of the past were right -- pride is the mortal sin.

'I am directionally challenged at the best of times'

I can relate to that! When I was school I remember a teacher being a bit petty and treating me like a moron for not understanding what 3 dimesional was! He kept trying to explain, but to tell you the truth he didn't seem to like teaching (it was a design and technology type class) and once, as far as I remember, he complained that he wanted to be an engineer.

Good move. Better than just standing back and watching him get run over.

By the way, "west" is a matter of opinion. Some roads twist and turn.
On Route 287, while heading "north" at rush hour, the sunset is sometimes right in my eyes, to the extent that traffic slows to a crawl.

Last edited by Tahitiii on 28 Jul 2008, 5:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Okay a few bits and pieces explained for Tahitii (maybe I wasn't clear enough):

* I was not serious with the don't think much of man, hence the .
I really don't understand your explanations about awakeness etc. I just really don't get that at all. What do you mean with awakeness? People sleep or are awake...
People are just funny monkies to me and I am not bothered to analyse them and basically avoid interacting with them, especially when they are strangers to me. I also don't get the pretty young woman and Neanderthal man explanation. Women are not per definition young and pretty and men are not by definition reprogrammed Neanderthals.

*exist in means of existing. I believe there are no such things as stereo typical heterosexual male dominant, female making dinner, caring. Stereotypes is what our society forces up to us. It makes people think within certain sociably acceptable boundaries, so it will not disturb society or give people the opportunity to create their own ideas, plans.

*Not everything is related to hormones, that's giving hormones way too much 'power'/strength or whatever you call it. Humans, the funny monkies, are more than just hormones and culture. Different groups of humans have different cultures. Too much to go into detail right now (maybe I should create another thread ). And it would not be very helpful to get you from A to B.

It doesn't matter from what planet/country/city etc you are from, if you don't know the way and need to ask you have to ask or stay lost. You don't have to connect to any other person to ask the way. It's purely practical and it is brave in my opinion to ask (I am pretty bad with asking the way, I am way too stubborn but I am also even way more worse in finding the way on my own, I get always lost).

Thinking in stereotypes can create a misleading safety, like asking a copper the way. I know people have been violently arrested because of asking a copper the way, just because the way they look and there was something going on in town. I rather ask a stranger who is not able to legally use violence against you than a stranger who is a copper with a gun... Asking your way is always a bit of a gamble. There's always an uncertainty to ask a random stranger the way, but don't think much of it. Just stay practical. You want to go from A to B, so make sure you get from A to B. You don't have to connect with a person to ask a practical question. All you want is going from A to B.

*(womens)Selfdefence has nothing to do with Nts trying to make sense of themselves. It makes you stronger with learning you strategies and tricks to defend yourself and stand up for yourself. I think this is very handy skill to have.

* A few tips to prevent asking a random stranger the way. Plan your route carefully beforehenad, have a map with you, a compass (even handy in cities) or use a gps system.

And before I forget: never ask me for directions, me being a local or not, I will definitely point you in a wrong direction.

I usually give terrible (mis)directions to drivers, then as soon as they pull away ill remember ive got a map in my pocket Last time was just a few hours ago.

I'm a prime example to the topic of this thread. There was a lady once at a gas station that asked me how to get to the post office in my town. I could have gone there myself no problem. But when I had to tell her, my mind went blank. I couldn't remember where the freakin' post office was! I lied to her and told her I was from out of town too.

"old mill" made me laugh a little. When I was a kid, in the town we lived in was a Texaco gas station. When I was about 7 it changed to something else: Petrocan. Later it was soemthing else, then winks, now.. not sure.

So its not been Texaco for almost 30 years. But I heard a little cousin, probably about 7 as well, say "turn right at the Texaco to get to our house". People in that town still call that building Texaco. I have no doubt my cousins kids will call it that too.

Asking for and understanding directions is one thing.

But I don't know what the fuss about giving directions is. Just tell them you don't know. It's not like they are going to disbelieve you and continue pestering you, they will simply ask someone else.

It's just an analogy that got out of hand.
My original point was that the shrinks don't even know the way themselves.
They can't help us. They know less than we do.

Why can't they simply say, "I don't know?"
Because they don't know that they don't know.
They're just locals.
Or loco.

Update -- I missed one of my rules because it’s rare and I didn’t think it was important:

6. If someone answers a question with a question,
it’s because he’s trying to talk you out of your destination.

Me ---- How do you get to Route 202?
JkAz -- Why? Where do you want to go?
Me ---- Morristown.
JA ----- Oh, no, don’t take Route 202. This other road is much better.

Self-to-self: No, thank you. I know Route 202. Once I’m there, I’m as good as home.
If I go that other way, I’ll get lost again and I’ll have to ask another JA like you.

Last edited by Tahitiii on 15 Aug 2008, 11:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.

hmm; I think they were simply trolling/joking.

also interesting thread. When I give directions I do try to say "go west" and the like. AFAIK the locals often can give concise information as where to go to...