Theory about smalltalk.

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I do not know why people feel the need to engage in small talk (but, that's obviously not going to stop me from responding). I have noticed, though, that when people decide to chat, whilst waiting in line at the market (or wherever there happen to be lines to wait in) they enjoy complaining. They bond over the terrible weather, their physical ailments, and/or personal tragedies. I feel embarrassed/uncomfortable, even hearing them chatter on and on. Is it normal to reveal personal information to strangers? I suppose it must be.

Small talk is a bonding mechanism between humans, just like grooming is a bonding mechanism between monkeys.

I think your theory is right. It's just a way to acknowledge the person. Next comes the digging for personal info conversation. Then the secrets get shared like bananas. Soon after that your place on the hierarchy is established. Of course, drama occurs and you pulled up and down the social ladder. The stronger in character a person is and/or the more determination to climb the ladder, the more popular the person will be. Of course there is a lot of BS people spew to keep their rank and reputation clean.

I think I don't engage in this behavior so much because I have a good BS detector. Small talk is a bunch of BS and is very similar to ape grooming.

I agree with what you say about small talk. Unfortunately, for me though, it´s not so easy to "bond" through small talk; I only seem to do it best with people I know well already, as a beginning, when I know we will move quickly into another topic. When people I don´t know use small talk with me, I notice I can´t stand still, and my head looks every which way, like I´m unfocused...I just can´t help it! This disinterest in small talk makes it awfully hard for dating, too, I just can´t seem to feel interested in any one through small talk, and, unfortunately, that´s what they all want to do! I definitely prefer real conversations.

The only time I can get into it is if I share an experience with people around me. For instance, if I´m sitting in a subway somewhere, and something weird happens, then I and the people around me can talk about the weird thing that just happened. I can bond better in that type of situation.

Well, I'm not going to insult NT's, my wife is one... and actually would score more NT than most NT's. She connect very well; so well in fact she never does small talk. She goes right for the jugular and gets away with it. It's really amazing for me to watch actually.

The funning thing is that I am really good at small talk; there are simple rules to it that I can follow and I'm good at mimickry... so I can adjust to the situation. There isn't much threat of gaffes or revealing too much in small talk.

It's funny how my wife hates small talk when it is such an normal NT thing to do... she is SUPER NT, and has no need for stinking badges, ...I mean small talk.


Anyway, reading this post helped me realize, or at least theorize, why I can't follow sports, like almost every other guy. That is, I think its because its all about the small talk. It gives guys something to talk about and bond on; that's hard to fake without real dedication.