jaboticaba wrote:
Morgana wrote:
I also feel that because I am not in a relationship- ("single" is the most consistent state of my life)- that I have to do other great things to show that I´m good enough, or something.
This is one reason why I struggle to get over relationships, and when one is over, I try relentlessly to find someone else until I am no longer single again. I am jealous of people who can be single and not feel wrecked all the time, just kind of take in stride somewhat. I get it in my head that I have to prove that I'm not a loser or something... I used to be quite nonchalant about all of this before I discovered love, slightly late, around age 19 or so. Now during the times I am single, fooling around from time to time merely makes me depressed as opposed to excited.
Gee, I seem to be the total opposite in this point! When a relationship ends, I can´t go right into another one. I seem to need a very long time to process it all and recuperate. Usually, though, I would throw all my energy into my work. After every relationship, I went through periods of intense workaholism; it was like what you said, I felt I needed to prove somehow that I was worthy and not a "loser". (I think I was almost trying to prove this more to myself than to other people!) It was great for the resume. But I couldn´t keep up that pace any longer; eventually I got very sick, and I learned that I had to take care of myself. Nowadays I´m much better at this, but there´s still a nagging voice in my head that says I should be "doing something". It´s like a perfectionist-vicious circle.
_________________
"death is the road to awe"
01 Dec 2008, 8:17 pm
