Bluntly ending a friendship with an Aspie.

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I have tried not getting involved with him as much (e.g. by saying I've got work to do when I see him) but he doesn't seem to be able to recognise that I haven't spoken to him as much as I have done before. He assumes that the friendship is carrying on as normal. Do you think I should ignore him completely and look occupied with something else?

Also, another AS friend of mine is a nice guy but all he talks about is video games (it's his obsession).

Do you think I should move on from all my AS friends altogether?

That sounds exactly like how I was when I was younger. I saw my behaviour as a joke that no-one would take seriously, so I never worried about what to say; I'd just speak my mind. I was in mainstream high school, and everyone thought I was a selfish, arrogant, annoying twat.

When it reached the point that no-one really wanted to speak to me, I moved away from the area which gave me a chance to make a fresh start. I've completely changed, I go to college, and I have lots of awesome friends.

I think that although my behaviour before was in my control, it was hard to break the habit of making cheesy yet offensive comments, 'cause that's how everyone knew me. It was just some vicious circle.

After I broke up with my ex-gf, she pretty much ignored me for three months before speaking to me again, and I knew exactly why; it was because of how I was, but after we got back in contact again, I had the utmost respect for her, and there was never any problems, and there still isn't.

By the way, one of my friends, who I'm unsure of is obsessed with his Xbox 360, it's all he ever talks about. What games he's bought, how he's progressing in some game I've never even heard of, what bosses he's beaten, etc. and I just nod and agree, but it's hard to look interested. I feel like saying "just shut the f*** up", it's driving me insane but I was like that a couple of years ago, so I'm trying to put up with it.

I don't think words are obvious enough for people with Asperger's. They're certainly not for me, so if you want to change things you've gotta take pretty drastic action to make an impact. Most important thing is not to give up! We might not express them as well, but we still have feelings, and we appreciate a friend as well as the next person. Hope this helps (sorry about the life story thing, heheh )

He is idiot, but so are you for getting hurt by his inanities.

(Some strong language, sensitive readers may wish to go back.)

I've got a friend with AS, but he is the most arrogant person I've ever met.

> He is very self-opinionated, arrogant, and thinks that only his views are right, and that he is better than everyone else.
> He is often analytical about people, and often points out analyses of them, regardless of whether they are appropriate or not.
> He is a very inflexible person, and doesn't really tolerate the views of others. He will listen to what someone says and will deliberately oppose it.
> He has deluded views and senses, and still thinks he is right.
> He always tries to make his views heard, regardless of what the actual social convention is.
> He will make statements that infuriate other people, such as by adressing them in such a way that creates a heirarchy where he is at the top.

I posted some of these bullet points on this forum a few months ago due to built up annoyance of this so-called 'friend'. I thought about giving him another chance but I didn't exactly manage to tell him how much his Aspie behaviour annoys me. Although he is an Aspie, it is often hard to tell when he's just deliberately using it as an excuse to behave egotistically and sadistically. I'm just thinking of not being friends with him any longer, full stop. For example, he spoke to me rather agressively after one of his stupid generalisations: he said that "all people who own Xbox 360s are a**holes who can't unstick themselves from the television", and I replied "That's a very extreme sweeping statement", to which he retorted, "Ollie! All people who own an Xbox 360! Listen!" To think that a friend would speak to me like that is just unacceptable, regardless of whether he has Asperger's or not.

There are characteristics that are expected in a friend that he does not display:
> Valuing other people's opinions and thoughts.
> Showing empathy (i.e. by observing behaviour).
> Showing an interest in some of the things I say.
> Doing favours for me in return for something I have done for him.
> Being diplomatic.

What would be the best thing to say to him to make him think, "Oh sh**, I've just lost a friend."?

I've got some ideas about what to say to him if the circumstances arise (some of these do involve expletives, because they reflect the annoyance that I've got for him):

- When he says something daft or deluded, I could just say to him, "Oh shut up, you're full of sh**," or, "Stop talking out of your arse."

- If he says something rude or if he is being arrogant, I could say, "Wow, for someone who's a devote Catholic, you're the most self-opinionated, obdurate, arrogant and socially inept person I've ever met!"

- "Throughout the years, you've made absolutely no effort to correct your selfish behaviour despite tellings-off from your parents, your peers and your teachers!"

- "Hey, you know you said mathematics was fundamentally flawed? What about your A-Level results?" (He got bad AS Level results, which is justifiable evidence that he is not right all the time )

- If he continues, I could just say to him, "I'd like you to do one thing for me. Piss off," and possibly "I might just stop socialising with you altogether."

- When I finally throw in the towel, I'll just say to him, "You've just lost a friend."

I know this isn't the most polite was of calling off a friendship, and I wouldn't normally do this, but I feel that this is a special case where it is required.

Would anybody like to make any suggestions?

To the OP,

I have a friend just like yours (sweeping statements etc). I used to like him a lot and as a result, took his words personally and for a while, came close to hating him (despite being his closest friend).

I eventually distanced myself from him and after a couple of months, we came back to conversational terms. We're less close than before, but at least now I'm able to laugh at his banal statements and occasionally wind him up (e.g. by making broad statements about something he completely disagrees with).

My advice is that you do the same; don't waste your breath trying to reason with him, or even bother making excuses. Just chat to other people and hang around with them for a while. Be civil to your friend, but remember that it's not your job to correct him, even when he's pissing other people off. If he offends you, turn around and walk off; don't take any BS from him.

Kaytie,

I wonder if we have the same friend? I have a friend of 20 yrs who I am sure has AS but she's a hundred times worse than me. She calls multiple times in a row on both my phones plus leaves voicemails that say "hey, hey you... are you there". She also won't talk unless she is alone. So if her boyfriend comes home down the phone gets slammed without so much as a bye sometimes. He is verbally abusive to her, but she was the same way when she lived with her family and could not allow herself to be seen or heard by anyone else in the house so she would hang up the phone and call me back 5 times through out the day. She also consults me to make simple every day decisions like should she go to work today, what day and time should she get her hair cut. She also calls regularly thinking she is dying of a sinus infection and panics. Or she doesn't know if she should eat something because she might get an allergic reaction from it. I've just learned to not answer the phone sometimes because she's just absurd though I know she can't help it. I would ditch her completely but she has no friends in the world and no family now that both parents passed away.