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Tim_Tex
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28 Jan 2009, 6:35 pm

NeantHumain wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
I'm considering letting her know that I now expect a response within 24 hours when I send her an e-mail.

Bad move. That comes across as pretty demanding.

Just tell her you understand she's busy but when a friend doesn't return messages often, you start to wonder if you're even still friends.


I did that, and nothing had changed.



hurricaneseye
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29 Jan 2009, 5:03 pm

Tim, this situation is becoming more and more like my current one, and ones I've dealt with in the past. One word of advice: don't let these things get to you. I once did, and it became a foundation of a depressive episode. :(


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Tim_Tex
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29 Jan 2009, 5:45 pm

My e-mails weren't anything threatening, or anything that could make her uncomfortable. I don't understand why she would just all of a sudden blow me off.



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29 Jan 2009, 6:04 pm

I didn't have any idea why my friend would, either. But he's gone now, so I really can't do anything about it.

If there's one thing I've learned from last year, it's that there really isn't a point in keeping up with 'toxic friendships.' If you ever get the slightest hint that the worry and concern are hurting you in any way, drop the friendship. It may restart years down the line, but who knows? For now, all you can do is hope for the best, and look for friendship elsewhere. I know that may be hard to accept, but it'll make you wiser for the future.


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Tim_Tex
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29 Jan 2009, 10:32 pm

My friend said she "would never disappear from me without a good reason". She broke her promise.

When I noticed that it was taking a month to answer my e-mails, I discussed it on an online forum, because I felt that I could count on her to answer me in a timely manner. She always said she wanted people to communicate directly, which what I was doing the whole time. She was the one not communicating, yet she would turn the story around to make it look like I was the one doing something wrong.



hurricaneseye
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30 Jan 2009, 6:00 pm

Often that's what it boils down to. One side promises stuff that they eventually don't live up to.
As for turning the story around, the same thing is happening to me. My friend blamed me for the collapse of our debate team (even though he had rather stupid excuses as to why he couldn't come. He's made another one for a debate tournament tomorrow).

If you think it's worth it, let it rest for a while, and try again when the issue isn't so heated. If you don't, then forget the whole project by whatever means necessary. Burn the photos, burn the letters, write a poem-- whatever it takes to help you move on.


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Tim_Tex
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30 Jan 2009, 6:21 pm

Since she's being so secretive, I am starting to get concerned, and feel that maybe there's something she doesn't want me to know.



hurricaneseye
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30 Jan 2009, 6:44 pm

I hate being the bearer of bad news, but I think you shouldn't press for the secret, whatever it may be. She already seems to be raving about the whole subject as it seems, so I wouldn't push it. Doing so would make you look demanding, and give her another reason to end the friendship.


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Tim_Tex
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30 Jan 2009, 6:47 pm

I am worried that she is making decisions that might get her in trouble, and is avoiding telling me because she I might tell her she's wrong.



hurricaneseye
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30 Jan 2009, 6:56 pm

I had the same concern about my former friend before he left. I also got the same impression from him.
And to tell you the truth, I still don't know what to do in such situations. They are highly risky: on one hand they might do something that you feel is deeply wrong (my case), or you can possibly turn their life around (what I wished for). All I could really do was pray. I still don't know how those prayers were taken, and I have no idea if they'll have any real effect in either my or my ex-friend's earthly life. All I know is that God heard them, and that He'll remember them on Judgement Day, when all pain is addressed and everything will have a good explanation. (Sorry if I got over-religious there. It's one of the things that help me with things like this.)


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ebec11
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30 Jan 2009, 7:41 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
I'm considering letting her know that I now expect a response within 24 hours when I send her an e-mail.
That's a bit harsh. A week would be more reasonable.



Tim_Tex
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30 Jan 2009, 8:21 pm

She is making some very bad decisions, and won't listen to anybody.



hurricaneseye
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31 Jan 2009, 9:01 pm

Can I ask what choices of hers have your concern? I could help, but I doubt it.
I had my debate today. AND IT WAS GREAT!! !!


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