Do you disappear for days?

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Travelling with no obligations sounds rather blissful to me.

I spend four days a week in retreat from the world, three days working and its all I can manage. On work days I might also visit family. My safety valve is the knowledge that all the stresses and pressures will be relieved over the 'off' days.

There have been people who assumed that I was alcoholic or living two lives or something like that, but I let everyone know how it was. If you're comfortable with the idea yourself, other people will come around to it much quicker. Most people anyway

My life style makes it hard being a mother and a wife, but given choice I would love to retreat from time to time and often find when my complexities take me to the extreme this is when most creative, but near impossible with a house full of people, I love my boys dearly and never would wish for them to vanish, but guess I have a secret quilt that at times I wish I could close the door on them all and do what I need to, create in my own way with no influence form the outside world...

Yes, I disappear, and some see it as a problem. But I don't. Is this a theory of mind problem if I don't always understand why other people see this as a problem?

It makes my advisors feel concerned because they don't understand why and misinterpret it as a sign of disinterest or doing nothing. Family members think I'm doing something horrible because of my tendency to do this and not answer the phone. Oh well, what can I do?

Actually, my tendency to avoid people is getting in the way of me getting an income for doing scientific work. How do I turn good paper reviews into income? Why are scientists rewarded so poorly, both socially and financially?

i think it's extroverts who don't understand why we disappear. i don't think it's too uncommon for very introverted people not to need to interact with people every day. although when i get depressed i become less social, even when i'm not depressed i don't always feel the need to interact with other people. most of the time when i want to be alone it's because i enjoy it, which is hard for very extroverted people to understand.

i've got a friend who's extremely extroverted. we once talked about how he doesn't like being alone and can't stand it, he's always got to be around people, which i think is worse than being introverted and needing to be alone. either extreme isn't good, you shouldn't be so introverted that you can't interact with people, but you shouldn't always have to be around people to feel good.

Well, the only reason I can do it is because I am a PhD student, living in a different country from all of my family, and not in a relationship. It is one of the reasons I don't want children.......I think I would go mad if I did not have an outlet like travelling from time to time. And contrary to what people believe, you do not need to have money to travel. Here in Europe. you can get super cheap flights through Ryanair, Easyjet and other companies, especially if you book in advance.



If you don't mind me asking, what do you do during your "Off" days? Do you research your interests? Oversleep? Overwork on a hobby?

You're lucky to be in that position. Here, the only place people can fly cheaply is Australia



The first day is spent oversleeping. I avoid people where possible, get enough exercise and fresh air on the other days - thats probably the only time I will see people. I stop answering the phone, tend not to read emails, or at least not reply to them for several days. My activity with my special interests warms up slowly from nothing to a more comfortable (if somewhat obsessive) level.

Yes I do. I find that I just plain have to. It has gotten a bit worse since I got my job. There are certain things about it that takes a lot out of me "socially", and on the days I don't work I just want to chill out and play Warcraft and be left alone.

Can't a man just be left to grow out the neck beard and play Warcraft in peace?!?111!

Since starting university I go for weeks without face-to-face interaction, and I quite like this. I get up at a certain time every day, and go to certain places at certain times. I have a routine and it is certain. The routine gets a thumbs up.

If I had to deal with people, my routine would become smudged and ill-applied, and I think I'd have more trouble coping with being in an unfamiliar city.

This isn't an absolute rule though. My parents, who are certainly not extroverts (though they aren't hermits either), have admitted that they cannot understand how I can go without human interaction without being lonely. In fact, they hadn't even entertained the thought until recently.

You can find cheap flights from almost anywhere if some research is done and you buy the ticket way in advance. Who would not want to fly from London to Prague and back for only 16 GBP (about $21). Ever since I moved to Europe from the US and out of my parent's home, I have found myself.

I am glad in that I am in a relationship with another Aspie who has the exact same tendencies.......I can read his motivations most of the time and he likes the fact that I understand why he needs to dissapear.Apparently it has caused him severe trouble growing up.....when he was a teenager, he'd run away from home to pursue his interests and explore the world and his family never understood why he did this.




Yes, and I bet you sleep at odd hours and stay up for, oh, maybe 24 hours one say and need to sleep 12 or 13 hours the next day or something along these lines.

I wish I could stop answering the phone when I am away like that, but if my parents do not hear from me every two or three days, they will assume the worst and track me down. If I tell them not to call, they will become suspicious and think that I am having sex with random people or something (I am 25 years old for heaven's sake!)

anybody else love taking the Greyhound bus for short trips? anybody ever travelled by rail road? boy was it fun - also a little dangerous in a third world country. and the tea on the rail road was really good

It's comon for me to "disappear" not speaking to anybody I know for days... And as child people always had to search for me, I needed places to be alone !

Last edited by Madfrenchy on 02 Mar 2009, 4:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

He he, I am famous for my vanishing acts! My housemates referred to me as the "invisible flatmate" - they were never sure if I was in or not ( I almost always was, where else would I be?), and I just used to appear occasionally, clean everything, then disappear again!
I have been known to just wander off for a day or so, taking the camera, and the few people that actually want to interact with me occasionally send messages saying something like "are you still alive?".
When younger I used to disappear for a whole day (by myself (shock, horror!)) and everyone would ask me where I had been, and why I wasn't playing with my friends (what friends?). That always seemed strange to me - the idea that you wouldn't want to just wander off alone...
Sometimes it is possible to use the information gathered on a random wander in some kind of social situation, although not everyone is interested.... Still don't understand why people ask about it then don't want the answer...
The longest I have "dropped off the radar" for is about a week. That was remarkably peaceful...

Yes, I tend to "disappear" for periods of time. I work full-time and when I am at home I like to be by myself. I personally see this as an Aspie trait. Autism means to look within. While I am not trapped inside my own mind like some autistic people are, I do tend to be introspective. While I can tolerate being around people, I prefer to be by myself. There are some who can't understand this part of me. I feel Aspies have to learn to be comfortable with themselves to be constantly alone I personally feel sorry for the person that can't stand the personal close scrutiny that aloneness brings. I am what I am and if others can't accept that, I don't have time for them.

I disappear lots, when I'm stressed I go somewhere random near a sea or to a nice hotel. I tell my mum where I'm going but thats it, and I switch my mobile off for a few days so nobody can contact me.

Hrm, maybe it's from watching TV or something, but i would often feel the urge to just go out there and venture in the entire world, if i didn't had to worry about crossing an ocean, food or lodging, i would do it in a heartbeat...

I don't tend to like being alone for days on end, but I *definitely* love to take mini-breaks at work and even at social events (even if it's just to go to the restroom) when I can just rest for a second and re-group.

To make myself sound even stranger , I really like to twitch and shake as much as want for a second when I do break myself away from others (read: NT's). Then I feel like I can go back and play "normal."

Dan