some NT's do not want get involved in a serious conversation

Post Reply New Topic

This topic is one I could have started, I can relate to it so much. It's one of the things - possibly the thing - that frustrates me most about interacting with most (NT) people. It is virtually impossible to engage them in an actual discussion. And I don't just mean a discussion about my specific personal interests; I mean a discussion about virtually anything. If you try to turn a comment they've made into a proper topic, they still don't want to know, and leave/change the subject just as soon as they can. All they seem to want is small talk. No subject is allowed to go beyond a very brief, shallow mention.

gsilver:

Someone having a sense of humor I like. Someone who is virtually incapable of speaking without trying to turn everything into a huge joke I feel like just walking away from in disgust.

This reminds me of another question that always bothers me: why is it that when most NTs are in a conversation with others, they insist on laughing and giggling every few seconds when nothing funny is being said? Or why, even if a joke is made, it can be the weakest, corniest, most puerile line in history, yet it's met with screams of laughter as if it was the most witty and original remark ever? I don't think it's just a case of my having a different sense of humor - there has to be another reason that I'm missing.

I refuse to talk small talk.

I have a reputation for refusing to talk about silly s**t.

I will just walk away when people start talking "the secret language of idiots." HAaaaa.

But every now and then people seek me out to talk to me. If not, I am AUT in I don't care. But I like poeple, so I am not a person hater.

Sometimes we HAVE to do the small-talk-thing.

We can ALL fake it, at least for a while, right?

I am serious. I don't talk small talk. I leave.

If I ever am forced to I am very distressed and have to do twice as much as before in terms of mental cleaning.

I hate small talk. I used to not talk at all, so I decided my compromise would be to oen my mouth at all, but I did not ahve to talk like they wanted me to.

Maybe they just don't want to with you in the settings you try. They won't want to in teh average random social situation. They might sometimes. I've spoken to NTs about politics, autism, whatever.

Wow, this is so interesting to read these posts. My Aspie hubby always wants to talk about serious things, and honestly it really depends on the time and place and what else is going on as to whether or not I am interested at that moment. He can run on and on and on, and scarcely notice if I am listening, or stop long enough for me to reply. I agree with the previous poster who said that conversation is a back and forth, sort of like a dance for NT's. I think it is an art form, and as such can be learned, just depends on whether or not you care enough to make the effort it takes to pick it up. I could be way off-base, but I used to have immense trouble making "small talk" with others, it seemed so pointless to me, even though I am NT. I have always been introverted and used to thinking in my head rather than out loud, so it took an immense effort from me. However, I came to a point in my life where I was just so lonely I decided, "Screw it, instead of making fun of the pointless conversations, I'm going to make an effort to join in." It really isn't about the topic, its about connecting to another person as human beings, and relieving your own loneliness. I have practiced enough now, that I enjoy being around others, not necessarily for the conversation, but for the sense of belonging it provides.

Hi wyattsmom - I can understand what you mean there, I think. Perhaps whether someone feels the urge to engage in small talk-type conversations depends whether or not their desire to connect with people outweighs their disinclination to talk when there's no real topic. In the case of most NT people, it probably does; in my case, it doesn't. I can enjoy a conversation nearly as much as anyone if there is an interesting topic, but I just don't seem to have the same need to step outside of my head and communicate with people just for the purpose of communicating; for the feeling of belonging that you describe. How much of that is because of being a (mild) Aspie, and how much is just a part of being me, I don't know.

I've also had to learn to reach out to others and do the small talk as much as I can when I feel lonely. Most of the time I find other people intrusive unless they want to talk about something deep and meaningful, but I've had to find a compromise and meet others on their terms sometimes so that I don't spend my entire life alone.

It's not just NT's. I once went to an aspie social group and even though the topic was 'how to combat global warming', hardly anyone was taking it seriously & people were off listening to music, eating food & doing anything except what we were supposed to do. This happened almost every time I went there, they didn't take anything seriously even though it was a social skills 'class' that their parents were paying for.

On the other hand, I have some very serious discussions with my grandma & she's doesn't have AS. I've also had serious discussions about serious things with other people. It depends on the personality of the person I think, not whether or not they have AS.

Well, as an "NT" I often think the same thing so I don't think it's an Asperger's vs non-aspergers thing.

I'm in a science course in college now and I kind of thought everyone would talk about science all the time. Fat chance. I've been there for nearly a year and not once have I ever had a conversation on the subject.

Well-said. I think it has to do somewhat with Asperger's, although I think personality also plays a large hand. I felt like you do FOREVER...my desire to talk about silly things did not outway my desire to stay in my head. But now I notice I have to "check myself" on a regular basis...that is to say, I still prefer a good deal of solitude and don't feel the "need" to participate, but when I feel depression coming on, it is usually do to the fact that I am lonely and unaware of it....I have learned to "notice" when to participate, and it keeps my mood on a more even keel. There is a balance to be struck, at least for me. I used to RESIST it, and I was miserable until I started attempting to "go with the flow of it". It did NOT come naturally at all. But 10 years of practice has helped me a lot. Does that make sense?

The more I read these forums, the more I start to think I may not be entirely NT myself...