EgaoNoGenki wrote:
Pensieve, that link redirects to my homepage. Can you paste it here?
Quote:
Subject: There's nothing mild about Asperger's Syndrome
Body:
I didn't want to bring this up here, but because I am not a good verbal speaker I feel I have no choice.
On December 23 I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. What that is is a neurological condition that affects my communication, social and emotional skills as well as physical skills. I was born this way and there's no cure.
It is usually referred to a mild form of autism, it is on the spectrum of autistic disorders and is similar to high functioning autism, meaning that those that have it don't need to be under constant care unlike those with low functioning autism. But like it says in the title: there is nothing mild about Asperger's Syndrome. Read below for more details.
Social skills: I have very poor social skills. I can't relate to people and I'm no good at this thing called chit-chat. I speak in logic and often regurgitate information that I have read. I also have issues with showing expression and especially find it difficult to express my feelings.
People have been frustrated when talking with me. If I don't reply straight way or I just say 'what' means that it's taking me a while to process what was said. Autistics process sound slower than neurotypicals (non-autistic people). I also can't concentrate very well during a conversation unless interested in it. I also don't notice body language.
Sometimes I don't talk at all and when I do I've said something inappropriate.
Lastly, I get social exhaustion. If I spend more than two days hanging out with people I need a day (or week) to re-charge my social batteries.
Relationships: Epic fail. With poor communication skills, including verbal and the inability to feign an interest in chit-chat it's kind of hard to start or keep a relationship. For some reason I meltdown in restaurants, I think it's got to do with sensory overload and anxiety. Another thing is when dating an NT (non-autistic) they would always want to go out because unlike Autistics they don't need to rest from too much socialising. There's also another thing I have called flat affect, which is showing little expression in voice and body language. I also have low emotional intelligence, which does make relating to people more difficult. Sometimes I think I have something called Alexithymia, which is difficulty in expressing emotions and not understanding what emotions you are feeling. There is the basic ones like happy, sad or angry but most of the time there's a long period of feeling neutral.
So, I guess I need to work on some relationship skills before I date again.
Stimming: Repetitive movements that calm me down e.g. drumming fingers against the table. A classic autistic person would rock back and forwards or bang their head. My most common stims are hand/arm scratching and flicking my tongue over my teeth. Any movement I make with my body that looks like I'm excited is really a nervous stim.
Speech: I hate the way I talk. I can't get my words out properly or in the right order. I often stutter and forget what I'm talking about mid sentence. I either talk in a monotone voice or pick up other accents. I get so fed up with the way I speak I've been thinking about going non-verbal.
Sensitivity: I am sensitive to light, touch, and sound. I'm a little sensitive to smells and taste.
Sensory Overload: This is when those senses become too much. Usually it has to do with too much noise or even seeing too many things at once, like a crowd of people.
Meltdowns/Shutdowns: A meltdown is the inability to control ones emotions or is the feeling of losing control. For males they have aggressive outbursts, for females it's an internal struggle with their emotions. A meltdown can also be in the form of withdrawing from people. A shutdown for me is curling up on the couch and having a lot of 'what if' thoughts. Shut downs for me are rare, they happen after break ups or deep depressive states. My meltdowns have progressed from once a week to maybe 3 times a week.
Motor Skills: I have poor motor skills. I can't ride a bike, hold a pencil or use chopsticks. Walking up and down the stairs is hard too. I even hate playing video games in front of people, and won't join in on any game because of my poor motor skills.
Routines: I have my little routines. I must do certain things at certain times, if I didn't I would not get anything done in a day. Sometimes when a routine is interrupted I might have a meltdown.
Employment: I have never ever worked and I think with my sensory difficulties, occasional meltdowns, really poor short term memory and lack of social skills will make getting employment and keeping it really hard. That is not to say I don't want a job - I really do want one.
Special interests/ other positive traits: I have excellent long term memory, especially about those topics that interest me. People with AS know absolutely everything about their special interests and obsess about them to a point of losing touch with the real world. I also have a great attention to detail, problem solving skills, I'm creative in drawing/photography/storytelling, I have some form of Synthaesia (ability to experience one sense from experiencing another), I'm honest, I'm disciplined (according to my mum) and I love to increase my knowledge.
They are other 'quirks' about having Asperger's Syndrome but I think I'll leave it there.
I don't want people to pity me but I want them to be more aware of what I have to go through. People close to me have been exceptionally rude to me and probably haven't even noticed it. Autistics don't always get sarcasm.
I know there's some people that think it's a mistake to post this. It probably is. I'll probably lose friends over it, but if they won't accept me for having AS then they're not really my friends.
I wrote that a few months ago, so it might not be 100% accurate but I did receive only positive feedback.
11 Apr 2009, 4:26 pm
(I don't use it anymore though, waste of my time)
