Who else has difficulty making friends?

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Manders
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21 Apr 2009, 11:24 pm

JmackonDeck wrote:
Who else has this issue?


Meee.

I either run them off, or they lose interest. :roll: I'm trying desperately to work on my relationship skills, but is there really any hope?



Tim_Tex
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22 Apr 2009, 6:55 am

My issue is because I'm not a left-wing hippie environmentalist, vegetarian, atheist.



b9
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22 Apr 2009, 7:16 am

i do not "make friends" because i see people as objects like stones.
this world is crowded with 6 billion "attitudes", and i think that none of them need to be heard by me.

sometimes i would like a real friend, but if i had one, i would consider them a chore to "maintain" i guess.

i have 2 "friends" who come to hear me babble, and they come around about once every 2 months.
i have a girlfriend who clings to me and i can not be so nasty as to brush her off.
i do not want to brush her off anyway, but i can not go as deep as she goes before drowning in confusion.
she is mildly ret*d, but in many ways she helps me see deeper "sense".

as for meeting "new" people, i am not interested.

the way i have reasoned it is this:
the world would be the same if i never was in it.
the people i think are nice would exist whether i ever lived or not.
they would have just as nice personalities, and they would be as adorable even if i never met them.

so sometimes i think that it is not necessary to join in the "transcript" of interacting with anyone.



gemstone123
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22 Apr 2009, 7:37 am

Me. I think it's because I haven't really had much contact with anyone around my own age for a long time because I don't go to school properly anymore. So when I did rarely it was very awkward for me and I felt very uncomfortable if I tried to say "hello" back to someone. Also I haven't met anyone yet, apart from occasionally online who shares my current interests. I hope to improve my social life when I start sixth form/college next year.



sevysgrl
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22 Apr 2009, 10:36 am

Quote:

sometimes i would like a real friend, but if i had one, i would consider them a chore to "maintain" i guess.




That is the problem I have with making friends. I would love to have a close friend, but when I think about all that is involved with being friends, it freaks me out. I inadvertantly push people away and then wonder what happened. I dont even know or understand what I do that causes people all of a sudden stop being my friend.


I have never had a "BFF", I had friends in high school, but not good ones. I kinda hung out with others because I liked them and they tolerated my presence. Someone else mentioned being picked last, I remember in second grade and having to pair up with a reading partner, I cried because the only two people left were me and the "gross kid" and the teacher made me pair up with her. The other kids didnt like either one of us, but for different reasons. Another problem I have with friends is my being naive, I was always taken advantage of by others and sometimes still am. This pisses my husband off to no end, he gets ill because they take advantage of me and ill at me because I let it happen. Its not that I let it happen intentionally, I just dont realize its happeing until afterwards when it is pointed out to me by a third party.[quote]



gina-ghettoprincess
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22 Apr 2009, 11:12 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
My issue is because I'm not a left-wing hippie environmentalist, vegetarian, atheist.


I'm all of those things, LOL, why can I still not make friends?! :lol:


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Ligea_Seroua
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22 Apr 2009, 6:35 pm

hate to tell you this, but it doesn't get better with age :( :( :(

I have acquaintances, but never a "best friend"... and sometimes I could do with one.


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Manders
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22 Apr 2009, 8:48 pm

sevysgrl wrote:
I inadvertantly push people away and then wonder what happened. I dont even know or understand what I do that causes people all of a sudden stop being my friend.


This is an issue for me as well.



Amajanshi
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23 Apr 2009, 4:09 am

Quote:
That is the problem I have with making friends. I would love to have a close friend, but when I think about all that is involved with being friends, it freaks me out. I inadvertantly push people away and then wonder what happened. I dont even know or understand what I do that causes people all of a sudden stop being my friend.


OMG yes that's how I feel too.

I actually had several close friends and lots of other friends in my previous course at Uni, but when I switched to Medicine, it became really hard for me to maintain contact with everyone. I'm gradually losing contact with them, and I don't feel like making close friends in Medicine anymore even though it makes me look like the "black sheep/loner" within the year level, because I know I'll have a very hard time maintaining contact with them after my Pre-Clinical years finish too.

Also coz I don't have much in common with them anyway, so it's frustrating for someone like me with no sense of NT/banter humour to converse with them about common topics unless it's about trivial things. I HATE banter, I don't understand how it's funny so I don't laugh, and I rarely go down to that level. Tbh I find small talk frustrating because few people are willing to be straight serious right from the start, but I can manage it sometimes usually by asking questions and making comments about what they do (*pretending that you're interested in something which you're ignorant/not interested about*). If they don't want to answer my "smalltalk" questions/comments, then I get pissed off because they don't know how much effort us people put into making conversation with them.

...

sevysgrl , you've probably heard this before, but you are your "best friend". You know yourself better than the other people at school or Uni. If you have difficulty maintaining contact with people, maybe you could search for 1 person who you have lots in common with, but isn't clingy if you know what I mean. Perhaps through a club or a specific activity group. You meet once or twice a week and communicate, and you have stuff to talk about each time you see each other. So over time, that friend can be considered close I guess.

From my experience, friends don't just stop being your friend, they drift apart over time. They could be considered old friends who you could see once every few months. Lack of communication is what happens. If people just "stop" being your friend even though you haven't really done anything to annoy you, then I don't think they were friends in the first place.

Any good luck with whatever you do ~~~



angelgirl1224
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23 Apr 2009, 6:21 pm

yeah i find it hard. been slightly better at college. but is hard



Homer_Bob
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23 Apr 2009, 8:35 pm

Welcome to the world of Autism, most of us have a hard time making friends one way or another so you certainly aren't alone. I often feel very depressed because I know I could have friends if I was normal. I see others around me make friends so easily and yet I'm the only one who seems to not be able to do it. I have casual conversations with some people I may like but other than that, I got nothing after that. I really in my heart want certain people I like to be my friend but my fear of rejection gets the better of me. My acquaintances never become nothing more then just that, acquaintances. Yet, if an acquaintance were to invite me to hang out with them, I wouldn't know what to do. If they were to invite me to places with their friends, I would reject because I can't do, "new people".



Jol
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23 Apr 2009, 9:49 pm

Couldn't make friends until I was 25 - Didn't know how to keep them til i was 30.

Hard work learning to take an interest in other peoples live



CaptainTrips222
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27 Apr 2009, 3:50 am

Jol wrote:
Couldn't make friends until I was 25 - Didn't know how to keep them til i was 30.

Hard work learning to take an interest in other peoples live


Well, good on you man. Some people say it doesn't get better with age, but that's not always the case. Thing is, people don't get any more interesting. :wink:



nansnick
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28 Apr 2009, 10:07 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
Jol wrote:
Couldn't make friends until I was 25 - Didn't know how to keep them til i was 30.

Hard work learning to take an interest in other peoples live


Well, good on you man. Some people say it doesn't get better with age, but that's not always the case. Thing is, people don't get any more interesting. :wink:


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29 Apr 2009, 11:43 am

I can make friends OK as long as they start the friend making. I have quite a few good friends but only one BEST friend who I love to bits and have a strong connection with.
I'm not good at keeping them unless they do the friendship thing, I can't do it on my own I usually want someone leading the way.


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29 Apr 2009, 8:39 pm

I have trouble both making and keeping friends. Although lately, I've been talking to two more people. We talk at school almost every day now. Even if it's just for a few minutes, it still makes things alot easier.


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