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Sati, I'm the same way. I spend years, like with this case, trying to decipher why people did the things they did, what their intent was, their motivations, etc. I have so many questions in my mind...

Sounds like 'B' has a lot invested in the relationship with 'A' expecting to get something useful from that relationship, and considers tolerating behavior she doesn't like to be a necessary expense to pay to maintain that relationship, and the risks involved in directly contradicting 'A' to be too high.

Sounds a bit like my relationship with past employers - they would treat certain employees poorly, but I would never stand up to the employer directly because I had too much to lose to do so; nevertheless, I would make a point of saying something positive about the employee to that employee or to the employer in isolation.

And that's what the story reminds me of: a situation where 'B' is in a subordinate role to 'A', and your description of 'A' reminds me a lot of a rather common "leadership style" that I have seen. I suspect 'B' almost certainly genuinely resents 'A', and probably genuinely sympathizes with you.

I also suspect that 'A' possibly does not realize you were hurt, might not care, and probably won't understand why you felt hurt and humiliated. I can imagine that, should 'B' say something to 'A', 'A' would be baffled, and conclude that you are being too sensitive for letting such "little things" bother you - and I've no doubt that 'A' feels that his/her behavior really is just the normal way the world works.

If I'm right about all that, then understanding what 'B' has to gain (or stands to lose) from 'A' that she is willing to sacrifice what she says she thinks is right and tolerate 'A''s abuse would go a long way toward solving this mystery for you.

Yagaloth, you're right. That's the way it is with my family, and many other people I've met. They'll always choose siding with whichever devil, never mind morals at all, if the person can give them something they want. B wanted the project very much. She knew that A, with his ruthless manner, would get the project on its feet quickly and surely. Sacrificing her morals and her relationship with me were a small price to pay to get certainty and speed with the project. And since people don't tend to think long-term, B didn't think back then that some day she might want to get closer to me and find a locked door.

This reminds me of someone who offered us 3 girls a lift back home after a dance party, but at dawn, after we'd waited for 2 hours with him saying "5 more minutes", we were left stranded because he had found himself someone at the dance. A few years later we bumped into each other in a totally different setting: we worked in the same building, he was divorced and down, imminently jobless and lonely. He tried to get close and I was glad to get reacquainted with him, but I made sure NEVER to keep a promise to him in things that were important to him.

People never think long-term and they never think they might need me again some day. Then they're surprised when I treat them the way they treated me.