Being ignored, dismissed, and disrespected by other people.

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Mirror21
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19 Oct 2011, 2:42 am

ialdabaoth wrote:

I'll try again.

People will not simply 'back off' from someone who weirds them out, because they see no reason to. In fact, they feel justified in ganging up on you, and forcing you to conform - one way or another - to a role that they find comprehensible. And if you cannot present a positive role that they find comprehensible, they will use every bit of power they have access to to push you into a negative one, because you operating in a socially incomprehensible role is precisely as grating to an NT mind as scratchy clothes, loud buzzing noises or intense staring is to certain AS minds.
.....
Put another way: Stop treating other peoples' social behaviors as things they have any control over, and start treating them like a force of nature. They can't help being cruel any more than you can help being socially misunderstood. You are both simply responding to stimulus the way your brain is naturally wired to, and you will both need to learn to adapt that wiring if you expect to get along.

I agree with you on both these points. The problem lies in the fact that most people do NOT want to get along with you. I have yet to see a viable way to get along with an NT that did not mean I had to compromise my comfortable behavior and personality.

ialdabaoth
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19 Oct 2011, 12:24 pm

Mirror21 wrote:

ialdabaoth wrote:

Precisely - which is exactly how they feel about AS. The thing is, there's more of them than there are of you, so they see no reason why they have to compromise.

autisticstar
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19 Oct 2011, 2:35 pm

So it appears that it is necessary for us to adapt to the world. The question is, how do we do this? I am fortunate to have some local autism resources at my disposal so I am hoping that people who are familiar with autism would be able to tell me how to go about adapting to the world. I think I am getting better at picking up on signals from other people based on becoming more self aware. For example, I do not try to turn other people into my friends when they have shown no interest in me as a person. Has anyone found ways to send better signals to others or ways to put other people at ease?

Ashuahhe
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22 Oct 2011, 8:50 am

I'm a friendly, loyal friend but somehow I don't have anything to offer. It's a bit like finding a job actually, if you don't have experience (good social skills) they probably won't hire you. So I asked someone once "can you teach me social skills" in which she replied "I can't teach you these skills, you have to observe". The problem is if I don't get invited anywhere, how can I get experience?

Aimless
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22 Oct 2011, 9:03 am

Ashuahhe wrote:

I feel that way about relationships. You can't know me until you get to know me.
Most people don't see the quiet one.

_________________
Detach ed

ialdabaoth
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22 Oct 2011, 1:49 pm

Ashuahhe wrote:

Well, and even if you do get invited places, if all you 'observe' is people treating you poorly, what can you expect to learn?

Ashuahhe
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22 Oct 2011, 5:50 pm

ialdabaoth wrote:

Ashuahhe wrote:

Well, and even if you do get invited places, if all you 'observe' is people treating you poorly, what can you expect to learn?

Again, it is a bit finding like a job. No experience, no job. Some people are lucky enough to be offered experience on a regular basis and have a high chance of getting a job. Then are some people that don't even get that at all, no matter how hard they look for it. It depends on your enviroment I guess

Dark_Lord_2008
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25 Oct 2011, 10:54 am

Aspies are victims of circumstances and can not be blamed for being different from others. They can not do much about external factors and situations that make their lives more difficult. Having Aspergers is hard enough in an alien world controlled by strangers who do not have Aspergers.

Aspies are special unique snow flakes waiting to be discovered. It is hard for non-Aspies to understand us if they do not have the condition.

Non-Aspies either accept us for being disabled and different or they simply leave us alone.

ialdabaoth
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25 Oct 2011, 1:06 pm

Dark_Lord_2008 wrote:

It would be nice if the world worked that way, but it doesn't. People on the AS side are different from others, and (at least in our culture) all such differences are considered a matter of choice, and therefore they can absolutely be held morally accountable for those differences. Even if it's scientifically provable that they do not have a choice, people on the NT side do not necessarily accept scientific proof as a legitimate reason to revoke moral accountability.

LjosalfrBlot
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Joined: 22 Oct 2011
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25 Oct 2011, 3:08 pm

Dark_Lord_2008 wrote:

People accept you for being you or they can go straight to hell. Ignorant and intolerant people like that are simply not worth knowing at all.

You realize that's the majority of people on Earth right?

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