Trouble keeping friends?

Post Reply New Topic

^^this.

It's a crime don't you know, lock us all up!

What you have to remember about keeping friends is that it doesn't actually matter what kind of person you are. You can lie, cheat, steal, stab people in the back, ditch them the moment it becomes inconvenient and be a general sociopath. But if you have a plausibly engaging social manner, then people will like you regardless. The reverse is also true. Commit a single social faux-pas in front of enough people and you will never be forgiven, no matter what you do or how hard you try.

I am never more socially comfortable/normal than when I am with my "posh" friends. By "posh" I mean people I meet through my parents or in particular clubs. Most of them come from the stereotypical "old-money" socialite background. The prescribed ceremony, rules, and clear distinctions in relationships actually makes it much easier for me to maintain friendships with them.

I realize how elitist that sounds, but it is strangely comforting to know that I have a group of people who are very clearly my friends.

hey death sign... it really touched me what u wrote.. I'm 25 male, switzerland, have the same problem. I know that after a while I come over as awkward... sometimes I play with it, I provoke people by showing myself off extra-weird... because I know that after a time they would start to find me weird anyway... And it has hurted me many times, when I notice that people find me strange suddenly, and start to either avoid me or make fun of me.

Kinda developed a defense-mechanism, unconsciously I guess, I can put on a rather sever facial expression, which often frightens people, so they won't even come up to me to make fun of... but the distance remains. I have a couple of people, who I know they would be there if I'm in trouble and I know they appreciate me for who I am. But most of the time I feel isolated and alone and particularly misunderstood. I feel like an alien lol. Over the years getting quite cynic about this situation.. I'm actually a nice guy, who has good intentions. ^

So yeah university with all these people.. meeeh ! !! everybody just goes blabalbalbalblalbal talking around fuss I dont even know how they do it... how can you manage to talk so much stuff and their conversation just f*****g seems to flow

I just found this forum...and it actually touches me what is written, and fills me with anger and frustration

... but one key of happyness is acceptation I know it and it has no sense complaining about one's situation.. but yeah just got a bit emotive finding out that such forum actually exists, or other people who seem to have similar issues

) Peace

Social abilities can be learned. Behavioral Therapy is supposed to help.
I am going through one right now. I am just in the beginning but the therapist seems to understand how to put stuff to me to convince me.

On a different note I started another thread on similar lines without noticing this one!

Let me add my 2 cents here anyway.. Well I am extremely defensive and passive..In my head it is a competition to see who throws away/distances the other first. So I am always looking for signs. So I end up seeing even when there aren't any in reality

EDIT: More ramble.

I find that keeping friends takes more energy than making friends so it's too tiring for me. It is a lot easier for me to just start talking and be friendly with someone I first meet than it is for me to pick up the phone and call that same person a few days later when I am home alone.

If someone is out of sight that person is out of mind. If s/he's out of mind I never think about him/her and I never think to call or make plans with him/her. Even if I think of the person it seems like such a tiring hassle to maintain contact with someone. Then I never see the person and even though we liked each other at first the relationship falls apart.

The easy solution is to make an effort to maintain contact but that's so tiring I can't keep it up and I don't even feel like it's worth the effort. If I meet people in person by chance I'll have an easier time socializing than if I have to keep calling people and arranging get togethers.

i have the same problem too. luckily, i have my online friends to keep me company