College "Friends"

Page 3 of 3 [ 38 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3

Previous topic | Next topic

Andras
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 809
Location: Netherlands

24 Apr 2013, 4:54 pm

daydreamer84 wrote:

Andras wrote:

cakey wrote:

daydreamer84 wrote:

I hate people like that. Why do they pretend to be your friends and then bully you? They might really think they're your friends.....I'm not sure. It seems like some girls like to have a punching bag in their group of friends....someone they think of as lower than them so they can feel better about themselves or something.

Yes, I agree with this! I also seem to sometimes see a trend where all the firends actuallylike to have a girl in their group just to pick on. They don't see it as a bad thing and consider it "teasing". I find that dumb though.

For real? That's really messed up. Maybe it has to do with insecurity? There has to be a motive behind this.

Yeah maybe they probably feel insecure and want to feel better about themselves. They feel better about themselves by putting others down. What I don't like about this explanation is: I'm an insecure person, I have low self esteem but I wouldn't put down others and bully them to make myself feel better while pretending to be their friends.........
What causes a person to respond this way to their feelings of insecurity instead of some other way?

I also have a low self esteem but would never do such a thing and i think many people would never do this.

Maybe they do it because:
- They have seen their friends do it and think it's acceptable if they do it to
- They are extremely desperate on having a higher self esteem and see this as an effective way.
- Their parents do it

....Can't think of anything else at the moment.

_________________
Self-diagnosed HFA

1000Knives
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jul 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,036
Location: CT, USA

24 Apr 2013, 11:35 pm

Do the standard NT thing and just pretend you're busy instead of outright saying "nah you girls seem like b*****s." AND/OR if you want to mess with them a tad or see wtf is really happening, say you'll invite them later, on your terms to make up for missing the dinner/whatever. If you don't do anything, find something to do. If you don't have friends to do stuff and look socially competent, blame your parents, and be like "my mom is taking me shopping for curtains for the house" or uhm, something. Maybe gotta study? I think I've finally found out how NTs work. Just BS everything and be passive aggressive. Success.

Anyway, I'd be suspicious of these girls, too. In my case after being burned by people so much in semi-similar situations, I tend to flip out unneccessarily (ie, be too blunt.) Girls don't seem to get the Aspie-asshole bluntness thing as much. So I'd keep a distance with these people, and don't make "enemies" of them, but don't make friends with them either. You've used time as a gauge for their intentions already, if things change in more time, maybe then think about being friendlier with them.

ALSO, you should try to make some friends. In this case here, you'd be a lot safer, maybe literally (who knows) and figuratively for said dinner date thing if you bought a friend along. Just ask "Hey _______ would like to come, too." Also gives you a witness, too.

These type of people sound like, worst case scenario, want you to rag on, maybe even do something bad to you, or best case, wanna convert you to a club going drunken slu*ty girl like they likely are and legitimately wanna make you "cool." Either way, neither are probably appealing to you.

Man, I'm glad I'm not in college and don't gotta deal with people. Good luck.

1000Knives
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jul 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,036
Location: CT, USA

24 Apr 2013, 11:42 pm

Kinme wrote:

OliveOilMom wrote:

I've sort of been in similar situations when I was in high school. It's almost like they want to make you their "project" to "help you" be more like them but then when they get you there they just can't see you as equal to them. It's like they invited me to make fun of me behind my back. Of course sometimes girls would truly try and help me and one group of them actually did help me a lot. I wouldn't really trust people who seem to make fun of you though. Now, sometimes friends do make jokes about each other like that and thats' ok but if it's not an all in fun type thing then I wouldn't go at all.

This sounds like it could be very possible. It's just really unfortunate that I cannot find true friends. I keep finding people that just want to hurt my feelings, use and manipulate me. These girls are definitely not trying to help. Honestly, come to think of it, they were asking me about whether or not I was enjoying myself because they knew I didn't shop and that kind of crap. It does seem like they are trying to get me to act more like them... More like an "adult." I don't trust them at all, and I've only shared a couple things about myself. And of course the thing about my family being poor for a period of time was made fun of the next day by girl b. What the hell is with people wanting to model people into miniature "thems." Why the heck would I want to be anything like girls like that? Run their friends down and call each other names... No interest in anything aside from material goods. So, the intention is that they want to change me into one of them?

To find friends, just go find people that are quiet, shy, and nerdy (like pocket protector and pens nerd, not "omg NES is so neat. and I'm wearing a 8bit Mario shirt even though I never played one in my life" nerds), and be like "Yo talk to me about stuff." They will generally be alone and friendless. Find people that are alone and friendless and be alone and friendless together and become friends. Yay.

Kinme
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,002
Location: Spaghetti

29 Apr 2013, 2:02 am

1000Knives wrote:

Do the standard NT thing and just pretend you're busy instead of outright saying "nah you girls seem like b*****s." AND/OR if you want to mess with them a tad or see wtf is really happening, say you'll invite them later, on your terms to make up for missing the dinner/whatever. If you don't do anything, find something to do. If you don't have friends to do stuff and look socially competent, blame your parents, and be like "my mom is taking me shopping for curtains for the house" or uhm, something. Maybe gotta study? I think I've finally found out how NTs work. Just BS everything and be passive aggressive. Success.

Anyway, I'd be suspicious of these girls, too. In my case after being burned by people so much in semi-similar situations, I tend to flip out unneccessarily (ie, be too blunt.) Girls don't seem to get the Aspie-as*hole bluntness thing as much. So I'd keep a distance with these people, and don't make "enemies" of them, but don't make friends with them either. You've used time as a gauge for their intentions already, if things change in more time, maybe then think about being friendlier with them.

ALSO, you should try to make some friends. In this case here, you'd be a lot safer, maybe literally (who knows) and figuratively for said dinner date thing if you bought a friend along. Just ask "Hey _______ would like to come, too." Also gives you a witness, too.

These type of people sound like, worst case scenario, want you to rag on, maybe even do something bad to you, or best case, wanna convert you to a club going drunken slu*ty girl like they likely are and legitimately wanna make you "cool." Either way, neither are probably appealing to you.

Man, I'm glad I'm not in college and don't gotta deal with people. Good luck.

That's good advice, which I think I'm going to follow, honestly. It's an easy way to dodge it, and they will eventually leave me alone if I keep at it.
God... Have I tried to make friends... It always ends in the scenario like those girls; people just like to kick me around and make fun of me. I'm different, which means they prey on it.

No, they're not appealing to me in the least. I have no interest in that kind of life. I'm sure they'll still try, but I'm going to take all of your advice and distance myself from people like this.

Kinme
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,002
Location: Spaghetti

29 Apr 2013, 2:03 am

1000Knives wrote:

Kinme wrote:

OliveOilMom wrote:

It's hard to just go right up to people and open-up to them. I do tend to find it easier to speak to nerds/goths/emos. Not preppies. I never have luck with those. Way too shallow almost EVERY time...

PrncssAlay
Deinonychus

Joined: 17 Apr 2013
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 321
Location: Midwest, Southwest, Northwest, California

29 Apr 2013, 4:58 am

Feralucce wrote:

They often speak ill of each other to solidify their place in the social pack

I've had family members consistently do this, but only in certain combinations. Person A has certain fairly open and obvious malicious running jokes with Person B right in front of me, but each of them acts hurt if I'm not chummy one-on-one with them afterwards. Thank goodness I have some control over spending the least amount of time possible with them (minimum of twice a year).

Page 3 of 3 [ 38 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3

Jump to:

College "Friends" Post Reply New Topic

College "Friends"