How Lonely are you? Try the UCLA Loneliness scale

Post Reply New Topic

23.

My sense of loneliness is only aggravated when I'm in a group and largely being ignored while other socialize among themselves. So, I guess I'm only really lonely when I'm forced to look at how excluded I am.

37. Extreme loneliness. Not surprised.

I should've added "... as much."

Maybe the issue is I think I'm bored when in fact I'm lonely. But just being in company doesn't relieve it at all. It can make it worse and make me feel like I'm about to go crazy. If it bothers me that bad it must hurt somehow. It must be something uniquely messed up about me.

it is a matter of being in the right kind of company. it is quite possible to be totally alone in a crowd. that is me. but when I joined my local aspie meetup group, I finally felt like I was "at home." being around friendly-but-awkward people like myself made me feel no longer defective, but different in a good way.

It doesn't always make me feel better. At aspie meetups I start comparing myself to other people and worrying about my traits more instead of less. It's worse if I can't find anyone with similar interests to talk about something besides aspergers/ASD. I don't want to hear people complaining about being mistreated, fired unfairly, or being unable to cope with life. It's not because I'm uncaring. It's more like the opposite. It triggers all kinds of extreme negative thoughts.

I think I'm actually more comfortable around an introverted NT group, just not the stereotypical party type. People with a common interest.

since i'm not really introverted in the conventional sense, I find that being around introverted people leaves me with nothing to do or say. I am not equipped to deal with such people. but when i'm with my fellow aspies I find great common cause, I love to try to be a shoulder for the others to cry on. it gives me a sense of purpose and a sense of being appreciated. I find my purpose in life to be comforting other people who are suffering, because since I am also a sufferer, it is as though I am comforting myself when I comfort other people. does that make any sense to you?

Scored a 35. Not surprising, but the questions seemed a bit biased towards the lonely spectrum. Five days in the past two weeks without socializing feels rather strange after a month of socializing every day and a few months of hyper-texting.

I understand that. I just find it hard. Like seeing a mirror of my own self and feeling uncomfortable about it. I want to help people but I get bothered too much. I'm just not a strong enough person in that way. I start having too many selfish thoughts.

Also, I guess introvert wasn't the right word. It was a little bigoted of me to label all extroverts shallow. Introverts can be shallow too also. I just meant thoughtful people. AS or NT, introvert, extrovert, it doesn't matter.

^^^
I didn't get to be the way I described myself, until I learned how to love myself first, warts and all. I had to learn how to love the reflection in the mirror. I had to learn also how to recognize myself in the legions of other lonely people I learned to recognize within the last few years. I had to learn how to have a high-enough self-esteem to be able to put my heart out there [again, after decades hiding it away to keep it from getting hurt] in the world and risk other people throwing stones at it. I had to stop caring if other people didn't like me, it was only important if I myself liked me. I had to learn how to treat others how I wanted to be treated myself. it took me 5 decades to learn these things, I am a very slow, very late learner.

my score on that test was 22. but that is lots better than just a few years ago.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

I just feel like I have to help myself better before I can really help others. I can try to do little things though.

I think it's easier to meet people through a shared hobby than through aspergers meetup groups. I do better when I have something in common to discuss besides being a loner.

prego


I helped myself by 1]being laid off from a VERY stressful civil service job that almost killed my health, 2]living out in the middle of nowhere amongst lots of trees and nature, and 3] joining wrong planet and finding others like myself. that last bit showed me that I wasn't the only one and therefore that I needed to love myself better, so I stopped eating bad foods, started exercising and taking better care of myself [regular hygiene, regular sleep hours, etc.]. when I looked better in the mirror I felt better about myself and I could smile at myself for the first time.
as for finding others to be with and share a common hobby, I wasn't so lucky- I have not found one person who is into digital audio restoration and organ music, so I continue to draw uncomprehending stares when I perseverate about my hobby/s at my aspie meetups. oh well.

39

You scored a total of 37


Extreme Loneliness

You answered this quiz consistent with people who are suffering from extreme and severe loneliness.

A certain amount of loneliness is a normal part of most people's lives. But when your feelings of loneliness can become a bit overwhelming or more serious than usual -- like now -- it may be a sign that something isn't quite balanced in your life.

You may find that you could benefit by trying to reach out to others in your life -- right now. A close friend or family member whom you trust and talk to can go a long way in helping to relieve feelings of loneliness in many people.

Iam reading a book about loneliness at the moment, just read a part in which it mentions this test as if it is "THE" loneliness test.

Has anybody read the article about loneliness and its dangers in the first post I posted?

I didn't look at it yet but I think I read it or something like it on the schizoid forum I read.

I'm not saying loneliness isn't bad but a lot of extroverted social people seem to not know the difference between being alone and being lonely. Not everyone needs the same amount of socialization to be happy.