"People will stop bullying you, when you just ignore th

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Yes, I heard the whole "ignore them" and about 20 other pieces of "expert" advice and they are all wrong. I ignored them and they just ramped up the attacks until I had an uncontrollable crying meltdown as I couldn't take the abuse anymore. I was always told that violence didn't solve anything and I was still delusional about high marks=good job and my the point I realized I had to fight back it was too late. To anyone who says 'fight back and you will eventually succeed', would you do that if 10 armed SWAT team members broke down your door and ordered you to the floor? I didn't stand a chance because NOBODY would stand up for me, period and it was 3-10 on 1. Good luck in that situation!

Another reason why I'm so jaded and angry most of the time. I know that 99.9% of people are complete cowards and don't know what the term fair fight means.

I was never bullied for two reasons:

a) I'm my own biggest critic. Nobody insults me better than I can, and I have an amazing capacity for self-deprecating humour. Those that try, get laughed at.

b) I have some pretty terrifying rage issues, which has been used to spectacular effect when confronted by violence that I can't otherwise defuse or escape from. Violence makes me feel physically sick (for which I am grateful) and I have only been in a handful of fights my entire life - these have all been with bullies that have either tried to hurt me or those I care about - but whether I have 'won' or been hospitalised, said bullies have given me a very wide berth afterwards. For this reason, I include the times I've been hospitalised as victories too.

I have seen the effect that bullying can have on people with ASD. Aside from my own experiences, I care for my uncle who also has Asperger's. He's nearly 60 and appears to be at the more unfortunate end of the spectrum, and he's been bullied all his life. He was bullied at home by his mother (my crazy grandmother), at school by other kids and uncaring teachers, and by colleagues in the few and very short-lived jobs he had as a younger man.
This has produced a TERRIFIED individual who I wouldn't dare even raise my voice to. If this is what happens to people who don't confront bullies, then I'm grateful for the broken bones and head trauma that I've suffered confronting mine.

I do think "ignoring" only works if you TRULY DON'T CARE, which is not always possible - particularly if you have nobody in your life to reassure you that the comments/teasing/violence reflect poorly on the bullies, and not you.

That being said, bullies DO get off on their victims' reactions. I've had people escalate their bullying after I told them to stop. For a while I thought that these bullies were full-on EVIL, because they ENJOY the suffering of others. But nowadays I actually feel sorry for the bullies, because they were likely abused and/or bullied themselves and feel like the only way to get any self-esteem or "success" is to bully others. Bullies set bad examples for the other kids - especially AS kids who are desperate for any clue how to behave - and more bullies result. THIS DOES NOT, HOWEVER, EXCUSE THE BULLYING. I do think they need to be punished, quite severely - as long as their lives aren't ruined. They are in DIRE NEED of the message that THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR, regardless of any social status they may enjoy in the moment.

But punishment alone won't solve the problem. We need to teach children - regardless of neurology - better alternatives to breaking someone else down to advance your own standing. Contrary to popular belief, life is NOT a zero-sum game. Fear-based, negative obedience is how we get so many "sheeple" who will believe anything Fox News, televangelists, bosses, etc. tell them - and ultimately, in America, votes for politicians who are NOT AT ALL interested in what's good for America!!

Pretty much the only advice I can give is to remember that unwarranted nasty comments, teasing after you tell them to stop, and especially violence reflect poorly on the people engaging in those behaviors, and not you. The bullying may still occur, but at least you know it's not right!!

I've been treated like absolute shite in my life. Not bullied as such ( apart from once when I was young, but I dealt with that ok).

I've been ignored, ostracised, pushed out, left out, talked about, lied about and treated like I don't matter or even exist.

All this has resulted in me putting up defences, not letting people in and just not giving a s**t about anyone else apart from myself and my daughter.

I'm ok and I do ok, and that is that.

People told me that as a child and as a result I tried to ignore the fact that I was bullied half to death every single day.

It is the stupidest, most evil thing anyone could say to a bullied child.

Eh? She wasn't going to slap them over the head or anything. It was verbal bullying. She didn't have to pull apart a fight. She could have told them that what they were saying was unacceptable or given them detention at lunch time. They were talking during class too, which she could have told them to stop doing. She was quiet frankly just a b!tch. This was the 80s as well. No one would have sued her.

Ignoring doesn't always work because some bullies seem to get some sort of thrill from trying to provoke reactions from people that ignore them or act like they don't care.

I remember when I was about 11 or 12 I had two girls (who were a little bit older than me) yell out names to me as I walked down the hill if they were behind me on the way home from school. I never reacted, just walked along like they weren't doing it, but it still didn't make them stop. They done it every day, by waiting for me to come along at the top of the hill then pretend to politely be letting me past, just so they can humiliate me once again. I hated it, because I felt like they were showing me up. And I would march along and ignore them, which made me look weak, like I can't stand up for myself. Then one hot summers day I felt quite confident for some reason (maybe I had an exceptionally good day at school that day), and when I met these stupid girls waiting in the same place for me again, I smiled to them. Then as I walked in front of them and they started calling me names like usual, I turned around and smiled to them, then waved at them in a cheerful way. And they did actually stop after that. I even saw them looking confused, as if to say ''touché...''
And they never tormented me since. I found that sometimes works, because it shows that you are reacting but it hasn't got to you. By ignoring them, they don't know how they're making you feel, and the whole point of bully behaviour is to make you feel upset or insecure or worried, etc. So they keep on doing it and doing it until they get a reaction, and if your reaction is full of rage or tears, it will encourage them to do it more, because they know that they have won and it is working. If you just turn round and smile at them in a really confident, cheerful way, or give them a friendly laugh, sometimes it makes them stop.
Please note this may not work with all bullies.

I found it in my experience that bullying stopped when I fought back.

Yes, but I and probably most Aspies too are usually in too deep when we realize we ARE being bullied. By that point, it's 3-10 on 1 and good luck fighting back in that situation. As I have previously said, even if you are armed you don't stand a chance with that type of mob.

The whole, "ignore them" crap never worked for me when I was in elementary school and the teachers were of no help, either (they would say the same thing..."ignore them"). The more I ignored them, the worse they kept on until the point where I would explode and fight - usually on the playground. I won most of the fights, but even if I lost, kids rarely started on me again. Those who did, I fought again and again and again until they finally shut up or I was sent to the principal's office. I was on the verge of being the first kid suspended/expelled from that elementary school after arguing with teachers and fighting other kids. I once concussed a kid so bad he blacked out on the way to the nurses office and cracked his head open. No, I wasn't apologetic and I have never apologized to this day, either. I stopped fighting in 7th grade when I got my ass kicked. I figured it was time to grow up.

In that case you attack the jerk who's running their mouth the most. Most of the "posse" are just there for show. Always attack the barking dog and 90% of the time the rest will disperse.

When I was in school I was weak and didn't know how to fight so I couldn't fight back. The couple of times I remember trying it didn't help any and I was the one that got in trouble, like the time a boy on the bus grabbed my hand and was bending my fingers way back. I couldn't pull away and I think I hit him with no effect. I spit on him which made him stop but also got me suspended from the school bus and the other kids got revenge on me later.

My only way I had to deal with it was not go to school which got me in a lot of trouble.

stop caring WHILE they spit on me and surround me and laugh or for the years after while I am having flashbacks of the years of abuse, decades later I am still in therapy for everything people have done to me.

I remove myself from situations now, even if I have to use force, and I am vocal about people stopping what they are doing both to myself and others.

for me making them stop is what stopped the bullying, every time I let a person use me as a doormat they wiped and wiped themself all over me screaming stop is all that worked. Set limits for people period - they respect you more if you stand up, anyone who does not like you saying no you can't hurt me is not worth your time.

Yeah tried that since I was twice his size although I am too nice to actually harm anyone. Didn't do a damn thing except make me out to be the 'enemy' in everyone's eyes. I swear to God if the 'alpha' kids wore pink dresses to school people would start emulating them rather than laugh at them. My problem was (is) that I am a people pleaser and wanted to make everyone happy, assuming that would make me well liked. Didn't quite work that way and since I'm become a bit of a jerk and started setting limits and demanding a bit of respect, I have been getting much more positive attention in my life.

Again, the single hardest thing to understand is that bullies simply don't care and ENJOY causing pain and suffering. Many came from decent, stable homes and they are just plain bad people because they made the choice to be bad people.