How do go about being friends with someone with Asperger's?

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I'm glad he called. If it were an NT, then it seems like "game playing."

It might be a scared, shy Aspie, though.

He's asked me to come and visit him I promised him I would. I did tell him in April before but I was thinking maybe in September around his birthday. I know September is a long time from now I'm not sure how he'd feel about that.

Why can't you do it in April?

September is a long time from now.

I'm fed up with this guy I asked him today if there was a reason why he wanted to meet me. He said he wasn't interested in meeting me at all. Now remember I said he called me the other day just to say hi? Now today when I texted him he says this? Well I gave him a piece of my mind and told him I was done with him.

My impressions from reading this whole thread in less than five minutes (meaning I skimmed some posts and may have missed a few points):

1. I agree with all the Aspies who said he's probably alexithymic and that's why he doesn't respond well to "How are you feeling" type questions.

2. I get the impression that he wants to be friends with you, and maybe more than friends, but he's taking things very slow because he knows that socially awkward men with Asperger's syndrome don't seem like boyfriend or good friend material to most neurotypical females.

3. He probably isn't doing what you call attention-seeking behavior on purpose for the reasons you suppose. It's far more likely that these are either his own attempts to retain control instead of having you see him have a meltdown, or attempts to maintain his routines and rituals without being judged a total freak for having them.

4. If he has used the s-word (suicide) take it seriously. It's very difficult for an Aspie to ask for help at all. It is more likely an indication that he is deeply disturbed and depressed and needs than that he is trying to mess with or manipulate you.

5. KraftieKortie is right that what he is doing may seem like playing games with you in NT behavioral patterns. But he is not NT, he has Asperger's, so what he does must be interpreted in that mindset. He probably doesn't solidly know what he wants from you any more than you do. It might be--and this might sound harsh, but I'm Aspie too so I'm not sure how to say this tactfully--that he does want a relationship with you but you are making him work at it too hard by interpreting everything he does according to NT relational norms. Relationships are difficult without autism getting in the way. It may be that he really wants and needs a friend, and he thinks you're the closest thing to a true friend he's got right now, but he can tell he's putting you off by acting in ways other than what you expect.

Bottom line: don't expect an Aspie to act the way any other guy you've made friends with does (even another autistic guy). Autism is largely a difference in the way people do social interaction. He probably will not interact with you in a neurotypical way, and if he does, it's because he's making a conscious effort to do so.

And it takes a lot of effort for an Aspie--especially a depressed, introverted Aspie--to "act normal" according to the NT relational conventions. It's not something we pick up intuitively by the time we graduate from Kindergarten, like most kids did/do; we have to think about it and practice it. So when he gets it "right" from your perspective, try to appreciate it instead of taking it for granted. And when he "messes up," give him a little grace. He likely doesn't know what you expect from him and doesn't want to be slapped down when he doesn't perform up to your standards of NT behavior. Above all else, friendship between an Aspie and an NT requires patience and understanding.

How would I be making him work too hard? I get the fact that people with Asperger's have a hard time communicating with other people I accept that. He asked me to come to his state I told him I would and he said ok. That was about two weeks ago then when I asked him was there a reason why he wanted to meet me. He tells me that he's not interested in meeting me? What am I suppose to think about that? Isn't that sending mixed signals and being toyed with? He's not interested in meeting me yet he called me just to say hi? If that's not playing a game then I don't know what is. I've been nice to him we've been talking online since May I've always accepted him for who he is. I never thought he would carry on like this though one minute he says one thing then the next minute something completely different. I'm starting to think he probably hates me and is just using me for attention. He's said so many times he was going to commit suicide and he still hasn't. It's like he enjoys seeing people upset and worked up over him.

I can understand all that really I can but it's just weird how one minute he'll say we aren't compatible and then call saying he just called to say hi. Then five days later say he's not interested in meeting me after he asked me to come and visit. It's just too much it's like playing mind games and for no reason. He never gets rude while we're on the phone though only in texts. He use to even make multiple profiles and talk to me. Well I told him I was done with him I'm sure he probably won't care I don't expect him to.

Saying hi isn't the same thing as wanting to meet you.

Yes of course I understand that but he actually asked me to come and I said I would and he said ok.

He hasn't told me directly that he wanted to commit suicide I've just seen where he has made comments about doing so. I didn't think there was anything wrong with wanting to be friends with him. Yes I know he has mental issues and it seemed as though he maybe needed a friend. I thought maybe I could be but apparently I was wrong a lot of people meet in real life even though they have met online. I guess I kind of felt sorry for him I'm not trying to be in a romantic relationship with him.

Yes, well, please don't pity autistics. We don't need your pity. Let him get on with his life and you get on with yours.

Are you really a youthful person?

I'm pretty youthful for age 54.

Anyway...I hope you could get it straightened out with this guy. I sense that you want to "heal" him in some way. Nothing wrong with that.

It has nothing at all to do with pity I'm not that kind of person. If I want to be friends with someone it's because I genuinely like them kraftiekortie I'm in my late 20's so I don't know if I'd be considered "youthful" lol.