Wanting to be NT

Post Reply New Topic

I can really relate to what you're saying Davius. I really like being an aspie, but the NT traits you were describing-the ability to become friendly with strangers, to make friends easily, to have a positive effect on someone-are ones I've always wanted to have too. I've always had this urge to do these things. I guess I just try to do the best I can-I have tremedous difficulty starting conversations and talking with people I don't know very well (and even with people I do know well) but when I do, I try to be as nice and friendly as possible. I try to do little things for people when the opportunity arises. I also try to positively impact people and things by doing behind the scenes work. That's great that you have the desire to do these things and are taking the initiative to become better at it. You might not always be able to do it in the way NT's do, but I think you can find your own way of doing it But sometimes I become depressed too.

One of the reasons I love being an aspie is because of the extraordinary freedom of my mind-the ability to think big, deep, boundless thoughts. I like living in my insular world too. And if I weren't aspie, I would never have met my fiance, the most wonderful person I can ever imagine having as a husband

Sometimes I wish I were an Aspie or an HFA. I sense that difference and independence are often valued, and somehow I ended up being sensitive to this value and tend to get in a funk of reeling about not being different and independent-minded enough. But then, when I think back to my childhood, it seems I was plenty different then, although still frustrated with not being smart enough, and it seems most of the Aspies and HFAers I hear about sound smarter than I am. The downside of Asperger's doesn't seem like that big a deal, given that I already have a "nerdy" temperament and had social and behavioral issues as a kid anyway thanks to ADD, temperament, and whatever other circumstances and unnamed neurological features conspired...although I do kinda like not being ritual-bound and frequently being able to tolerate/ride out discomfort and discord. I've generally seen adaptability as a positive, which I might not have as much of, at least in certain areas, were I on the autistic spectrum.

I've got the nervous system I've got, and I've just gotta live with it. I'm always analyzing and strategizing about how to do so, but tend to think that I'm just spinning my wheels when I analyze and strategize, yet I keep going back to it anyway.

There need to be more NTs like you. Seems like you'd value us a little more and want to change us a little less. From what you've said you seem like a wonderful person no matter what your neurological configuration. Also, I love your user name. Is that a music or literary reference?

I don't think I've ever seriously wished to be different. Occasionally I've thought about what life would have been like if I was NT or heterosexual or attractive or had wealthy parents, but in each case I usually conclude that changing any one or two of those factors would not really have improved my life significantly because the others would still shackle me in some way, and changing all of them would have resulted in a life so different I can't even imagine it. I have occasionally met people who seemed to be having such a good life I contemplated reincarnation and thought I would kill myself to come back to a life like that, but then reality sets in -- since there's no way to prove reincarnation happens, it's a huge gamble and probably a waste of life; even if I was reincarnated, the odds are in favour of me being born to an AIDS-infected and impoverished family in Africa; I could never come back to the life I envied (because someone else is already living it); the person I thought was having such a good life invariably has problems I don't know about and really wouldn't want to have. I voted that this poll is pointless. We can't change history.

Consequently, the only REAL wish I have is that I had found out about AS when I was young. I spent a lot of years not understanding why I had such a hard time socializing, and thought maybe it was because I was simply not interesting as a person. That lead to all sorts of attempts to redefine myself in order to gain acceptance from any peer group that would have me - I went through (in no particular order) a punk phase, a drug abuse phase, a slut phase, a "good boy" phase, a "pretend to be hetero" phase, a Christian religion phase, a non-Christian religion phase, etc., and then eventually I tried to kill myself (in the "end it all forever" sense, not the "get reincarnated" sense). Eventually I just accepted that I'm weird and stopped trying to fit in. The other place where knowing about AS would have helped was in dealing with teachers, as homework and term projects were a constant source of agony.

Being an Aspie doesn't mean you can't be social. It just makes socializing difficult. Most of us are probably limited more by our fear (or expectation) of failure than anything else, and getting over that fear allows you to grow because of the many opportunities that become available to you. I've been social (although in a dysfunctional way) for most of my life because of when and how I was raised. Back in the 70's nobody knew anything about AS and I wasn't autistic enough to get a label. I was too high-functioning to require Special Ed (which at the time was limited to very low-functioning kids), so I was mainstream all the way through school. I guess I was a drain on my mother's patience, as she enrolled me in every youth activity she could find and sent me on summer vacations away from home every year. She recently apologized for making me go through that (she thought she was being selfish sending me away so she could de-stress), but I think it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Had AS existed as a diagnosis back then, the doctors would have probably reccommended forced socialization anyway, as the best way to learn social skills is to actually try to socialize. By the time I finished high school I had learned to deal with my fear of talking to strangers. I *still* have that discomfort and fear, but it's like the fear I get when swimming in deep water -- I just have to remind myself that I didn't die last time and probably won't die this time, either, as long as I'm careful. I owe a debt of thanks to my first boss who hired me as a part-timer when I was still in high school. Getting that first job can be very difficult for Aspies, but once you've had one it gets easier to find others. That first boss was a real "father figure" to me and taught me a LOT of social skills that other kids my age took for granted -- "shower before you come to work", "think pleasant thoughts so your smile doesn't look forced", "here's how to start a conversation", "here's how to end a conversation", "here's how to answer the phone". In retrospect, I'm amazed he decided to hire me in the first place, but I'm glad he did. I think his own son was also Aspie, so maybe he recognized my needs and abilities and decided to take a chance.

And with the socialising thing, I don't have a lot of friends but those that I have are wonderful. We care deeply about one another, being more like family than friends and can have long, deep conversations all night. I wouldn't trade them for popularity.


Like you Jetson I wish I had known sooner. I think I would have come to terms with who I am in a less painful way. I took the route you did and came out barely knowing who I was. Having to build from the ground up at twenty-two.

The way I see it, being AS makes you who you are, if you were to become an NT then you would not be you. I have NEVER wanted to become an NT, and never will want to, all because I wouldn't be me

I'm an aspie and proud of it

Precisely my point (mmm point *grins* and points to his signature). I'd far rather be me. If I were an NT I'd not amuse myself half as much and I don't think I could deal with that.

-Another proud aspie

Flattered.

I think my appreciation of Aspies could be clouded somewhat by my own inferiority complexes and envy and stuff...but yeah, I wouldn't want to change you guys, nor would I want to change my fellow Earthlings either. I would just want to change myself, and am ambivalent even about that, because (a) I don't know how much I could change myself even if I tried, and tend to be lazy about putting in the effort to try when it comes down to it, and (b) I'm not sure to what extent I would be better off or not if I could change myself.

My user name comes from neither music nor literature. I think you read my intro thread...so if you have, then you know where it comes from. For anyone else curious, I direct them to my intro thread.

Incedently I read your intro after your reply to this post.

If given a choice, I would rather be NT. I used to say that if I were normal, I would lose who I am but thats changed. Lets face it, Asperger's is a big MINUS. Its a MINUS to your communication skills. I dont feel that having a different outlook makes up for the fact that being an Aspie is a lonely, cruel existence.

I know what you mean, but think AS is much more than just a different outlook. When I was a teenager I might have been willing to trade places with an NT because my future was as yet completely unwritten. I couldn't make that choice today because not only would I be a completely different person (and I *like* who I am), but I've also experienced too many good things in my life that I would inevitably lose if history was re-written. There's no guarantee life would be easier as an NT anyway. Some problems would go away but others would replace them. I don't know very many NT people who are as happy with their lives as I am with mine.

Somehow I don't find my existance lonely and other people are what makes it cruel, when I let them. I actually like who I am. The problems in my life are rarely caused by me. If I could give up anything about myself I'd give up my bipolar, I could live without that...I can't see any reason to want to be one of them. It guarentees no happiness. I think true happiness is just accepting and loving who you are for you. If you don't then you are your own abuser.

I like being the way I am, but oftentimes, I wonder what it would be like being normal. It never amounts to anything more than wonder and some questions, however, and I am proud to be different. Normal people bother me.

I think it would be dreadfully boring. But I suppose you'd have to be that way to know.

Also proud to be different. And normal people bother me too. Sometimes they outright scare me.

lol, NTs being "normal". That stereotype doesnt fly. I think that they are just as different from one another as we are of them. The biggest difference being between the two of us is that they can bridge that gap with one another, and we cant.

I've met a few other Aspies IRL, and haven't had any problems "bridging the gap" with them, if by that you mean having conversations to compare experiences and preferences, share humour, etc. The difference is that we use more words to do it than NTs do because we know better than to try using body language to convey meaning. Our disadvantage is that there are so few of us and so many of them, so having an opportunity to spend time with another Aspie is relatively rare. The other disadvantage in numbers is that we are usually the ones who must accomodate the majority instead of the other way around.