THE SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL EYE CONTACT

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If you are convinced that people see you as rude and you're not sure how to introduce yourself, attempting to talk to this girl may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Practice talking with people that are a little bit more in your comfort zone, if you can. Start a conversation with a classmate, co-worker, etc.

where did this thread go? ill do a search ok in the midwest you dont have to be racist cause there arnt as many ethnicities comparably to other areas and maybe its not cause your a minority everyone dislikes you, dont take that too personal but i usually dont know how im acting or looking so it helps sometimes and then i ofcourse have no friends or anything but i enjoy talking to passers by keeping it short but then again i have no job good story but back to eye contact ive been practicing it in a crash course style, this girl 4 2 days and now im even more messed up hah well more stuff about eyes please i just forgot what i was gonna say.

I really am not trying to flame or insult you, but do you think you could clean up your post a bit? I'd like to respond but I'm having trouble understanding it.

play with fire ye shall get burnt.

So anybody else check out the blog/column yet? What did you think?

I've been practicing the eye contact with my wife. An extra tip she mentioned is that NT's usually pick either the left or right eye to look at and don't switch back and forth. She said its best if I look toward the corresponding eye. So if she is looking at my right eye, I look at her left eye (the one which is to my right).

Excellent thing to mention! Yes, it's true that NTs often do that. It's a much more "informal" way to make eye contact.

What I mean is that, when two people face each other squarely, there's much more energy in the interaction. A boss correcting an employee will stand this way. Two people standing at a party having a friendly chat will usually stand like a door hinge, at a 90-degree angle to one another. There's no confrontation involved in such a stance.

Eye contact is analogous. If you look squarely into both of someone's eyes, they'll feel the burn. They'll feel you have a powerful, strong gaze, and feel some pressure from you. But in a gentler interaction, two people will usually look at one eye only. They still make eye contact without facing each other down directly. It would make sense that this is the gaze your wife would expect from you.

I'm so glad to hear you are trying out the eye contact ideas. Best wishes, and keep me updated, please. I'm anxious to hear all about it.

In terms of eye contact, Minnesota is the promised land for Aspies. The custom when conversing with someone is for both parties to stare blankily at some distant point while talking. Its actually considered weird if you make eye contact.

Yes! I know what you mean. The same thing happens in Michigan and parts of Texas where I've been.

It seems to be very common in farming areas to do this. Rural people tend to have much larger areas of personal space, and aggressive behavior such as square stances and direct eye contact they are very sensitive to. This is why city people are so often labeled "pushy" when they visit small towns and farms. In fact, most rural salesmen know that you never go over and shake hands with a farmer. This is an invasion of his space and will ruin a sale before it's begun. You wave from a distance, and he'll shake when he's ready.

yes thank you this is my way and prefer it, although is it even possible to look at both eyes at the same time i thought i did once but wasnt sure if it could be done anyway now this girl says she likes to stare at me but not me her great this is exactly what i hate usually but with her i dont mind but thats because i get used to stuff i dun like even if it bothers me which it doesnt in this case.

As soon as I look someone in the eyes, they tend to look away.

This is pretty normal. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. NTs don't hold eye contact all the time. Some hold much less than others. Usually they will check back in with you after a short time, and you'll make eye contact again.

so then what is the differance between autism eye contact and nt not to flame.

No, that's a good question:

It's hard to generalize, because there is much variation among people--aspies and NTs. But aspies tend to avoid eye contact. When they do make it, they either hold it too long and freak out their partner, or hold it too short a time and make the other person uncomfortable. A third way aspies sometimes make a mistake is to make eye contact for the right length of time but to do it without moving the eyes at all. They tend to look "bug eyed" when they do this, and it has much the same effect as too much eye contact. Their partner feels "stared down."

NTs .... well, some have better eye contact than others, particularly those holding positions of influence. People good at human interaction have a tendency to rise in power, and they usually have very good body language skills to help them. An NT who is good at eye contact will make solid eye contact when introduced. He will instinctively note how much eye contact makes the other person comfortable, and use that amount ... UNLESS he wants to intimidate the person. Then he will use far more eye contact than the other person likes, and he will concentrate his eyes on the other person's eyes and forehead.

i probably made you repeat yourself but thanks i need things spelled out sometimes ...so someone with aspergers might use the same tactics if they did so on purpose but i know that it is mostly avoided and i do that cross/bug eyed thing so its kind of embarrassing but im undiagnosed so that can make it more difficult sometimes but thanks again.

No sweat. I love to talk about this stuff!