Pity Friends

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Well, partially it's due to the old saying that "boyfriends come and go, friends are for life". Which is not true.

The thing is, it's considered perfectly acceptable to break up with someone if there is no chemistry or major attraction. This is because we're only supposed to have one significant other (in monogamous culture), therefore, we're encouraged to go after "Mr/Mrs Right".

People have a tendency to have several friends (some much more than others ), therefore quality is not of the utmost importance, like it is with a significant other.

If you "break up" with a friend, it's assumed that the two of you had a major fight. Not that "there was no chemistry". Which is why some people are perplexed with the OP. It is socially unacceptable to say "I'm not friends with that person anymore, I ended it", unless there was a major conflict. People will assume that a person who states that outright is being a snob, and overly critical of their friends. Or, that they are a middle schooler.

Also, it's considered advantageous to have as many social contacts as possible. That's why people encourage friends to "make up", unless the friendship was outright destructive. In which case, many people close to the person who was antagonized will tell them that the "break up" was for the better.

I wouldn't want someone to pretend to like me. I want people to spend time with me because they sincerely like me, and because I sincerely enjoy them.

I've been on the receiving end of pity friendships. Girls who'd looked around the class and felt sorry that I hadn't got a best friend or, even more hideously, because the teacher told them to.

I've had both sorts of "break up". The drifting off type and the more brutal,"We don't want you to be our friend anymore." Both were sh***y, quite frankly. When it happened to me it left me bewildered and upset, not knowing what I'd done.

At least you tried to take into account his AS needs and let him know why, which is more than anyone ever did for me. Whether or not that is less painful than the other ways, who knows? I don't think there is any nice and pain-free way to do it if the decision is a one-sided one.

One thing I do know though - I don't want to be pitied. I wouldn't want people to hang out with me because they feet sorry for me, or out of a sense of guilt or duty.

I'd rather have no friends than people who only liked me because they felt sorry for me. I think what you did was harsh, but I don't knwo whow it can be done unharshly :s