Do you feel like you have advanced socially over time?

Post Reply New Topic

Sadly, I am going backward socially...

I had few friends during school and college, now I have none.

I am not advancing at all.

I am now 28.

Sure I have. I"ve learned So Much. But lately I was wondering why I was still not as maturely-advanced socially as others and always still ended up being a bit left out and different. Surprise, AS was the answer... at 43! (But if I finish reading these books on AS, I'll at least have discovered what's left that I hadn't learned on my own...) 'Oh well!' I thought. 'I'm NOT going to 'grow out of' whatever it is.' But yes, you can improve a lot in your affected (if never natural) impulses... It's just a lot of work.

So the question is, do you feel like you have become more balanced socially over time?
Everything is still "forced", to some degree. If I stop trying I quickly revert to my default social behaviors.


When I was 22 I started working at a Bank, so I WAS FORCED to at least try to be courteous to the clients and to my colleagues, and the 4 years I worked directly in contact with the customers helped to improve my social skills, I did get in a lot of trouble because for some reason people never really understood what I meant, always thought I was being rude, so in order to keep my job I had to be extra careful with every little thing I said.
One of the most positive things I improved was my ability to carry on a conversation with strangers.
I totally agree with you if I stop trying or if I'm tired I go back to my old ways. Some days I'm just sooooo tired of trying, i just wish I could stay home.

Every time I think I have become more "socially balanced," I get reminded that there is something beyond my control at work.

I went to a picnic given by a good friend of mine for his youngest child's first birthday. I've met some members of his family; I've know him since 1996 and his oldest child since he was born.

My friend was busy with his duties as family leader and his oldest was just being a kid playing mostly off to himself. I felt like the fifth wheel on a bicycle and once again for whatever reason I felt detached from the whole thing. Not like I was better than the other people there or as if I just didn't want to be bothered. It was MORE like

Most people I know could find a way to fit in to what was going on some kind of way by talking to somebody or trying to help out. But it was like I froze. Thank GOD for the 'Droid! I felt kinda' like I played it off after a while by engrossing myself in a game of Spades, but still felt weird. So I put on a smile and went over to my friend and told him that I had to go because I left some food in the oven.

I don't think he was insulted much - at least I showed UP...unlike the person who was supposed to go with me.

Even though I have learned to become more willing to try some things, I get stumped in the process. What I realize now is that it's the same basic theme over and over. there is a certain point I can't get past. It feels like my brain-and-body-gone-numb.

But whatever this is, I've learned to accept me for me. Doing this, it doesn't matter as much anymore that anybody thinks I'm anti-social or stuck up or too shy and withdrawn, etc. Whatever it is, it's something I have to deal with to the best of my ability.

One week ago I would say I've significantly improved socially, but now it seems, I've just lost a potential future friend becaause of the usual mistakes I always do against people who try to get close to me. ((

I have advanced socially for sure.

A lot of it has to do with the use of internet discussion boards with witty, but harsh people. It is a good way about learning about the extremes of social conventions.

I probably have more friends right now that I have ever had before, but still nobody on the same wavelength I can really be close to. The only other aspie I knew I lost contact with after leaving junior school aged 10. Neither of us were diagnosed, but we were so clearly different from everybody else and did things in a remarkably similar fashion.

Yes. I feel my social skills have improved with time, and my confidence.

I have improved and I feel more comfortable and relaxed, but I stiil often have difficulties with many conversations since I don't feel stimulated by most conversations unless they involve something I'm interested in. I tend to switch off and lose track, which means I don't get involved. The challenge for me is to find a way to keep focused and find things to say to get involved and keep the conversation going.

i never have been interested in socializing. i may have become more aware of other peoples presence in the world however.

when i was little, i saw people as objects, and i did not associate them with me. i always felt as if i was the only thing in the world around me who thought, and that all the other bodies were making nonsensical sounds not borne from thoughts. their talking sounded as meaningful as birds twittering in the trees.

then when i was about 3, i started to talk, but i did not listen to anyone. i just said what i wanted to be given to me, and then closed my mind and got back to what i was doing. if i did not soon receive what i asked for then i spoke again, and i became more and more annoyed until i was presented with what i required, and then i switched them off like a radio and resumed my private "business".

as i grew older (7-9), i realized when people were speaking to each other, that there was some kind of rule that they were following, but i did not realize that it was important. in some way, it seemed to me that they had read books where they learned what to say, and they were essentially following a sort of predefined script. i was not interested in participating in the same way a person may not be interested in joining in a barn dance for example.

as i got even older (10-12), i realized that there was some spontaneity in peoples conversations, and i realized that they were reacting to each others words like a person playing tennis might respond to the way their opponent hits the ball toward them. i knew i was not able to play that game (not tennis but the game of conversation), and i do not like games that i can not play (obviously), and i remained without interest.

when i was 12, i entered a research program into autism when i was in a psychiatric adolescent unit, and i was asked to describe things in detail about what i experienced concerning scenarios that were posed to me by psychologists. i understood language, and i understood that they were going to shut up and listen, so i emerged from my shell and described to the best of my ability how i saw my world with respect to the scenarios they were asking about. that is when i started to like to talk.

but i did not want to listen to what they said about what i said, because i already told them all i knew about my experience and they could not add anything to what i had just said (in my mind). so i became good at answering questions, and i kind of enjoyed it.

there were sometimes 3-4 psychologists sitting around me in their chairs, and they took notes about what i was saying, and sometimes one would ask me to repeat something because they did not have time to write it down, and i liked to repeat it because i felt they were interested extremely in every word i said.

that gave me the impression that what i had to say was very important, and i started to talk much more to people by the age of 13-15. i did not listen however to what they said back to me because i was not interested. after i left the psychiatric system at 16, it became apparent that people really do not care what i have to say if i am not willing to listen to what they say. i never really understood what they were trying to say to me unless it was a concrete question, and when they talked about how they see things, it seemed like gobbledegook to me, so i lost interest immediately, and they stopped asking questions.

so i retreated back into my world of private musings, and to this day, i very rarely engage in conversations with anyone unless they are asking me a question about something.

i know it is a dismal way to be, but i am content. i do no harm to anyone by not being involved in reciprocal or shared experiences. i guess if i was on a desert island with only 1 other person, i would try much harder to understand what they say that is not relevant to me, because i would feel sorry for them having no one at all to talk to.

so no i have not improved, but i did have an adolescent hope that i might be able to have satisfactory one sided conversations for the rest of my life.

I've definitely advanced socially. I still don't have many friends, but after 4 years in the hospitality business, I'm leagues ahead of how i was in high school. I can almost maintain eye contact, and I can go up to people I don't know and engage them in conversation. I still have a long way to go, but I'm proud of the progress I've made.

Right now I am in college. For instance, I can talk about my elementary school experience. Early in elementary school, I would used to throw violent tempers at kids due to bullying. A little later in elementary school, I tried talking to others but it failed. Teachers and counselors complained how I didn't have good eye contact. In fifth grade, I would used to be blamed consistently for things I didn't do, people would used to order me around and when I said the same things to them, that they said to me, they would tell me to "Mind my own business." Also my teacher in fifth grade would consistently bully me as well. Middle school, I would consistently talk without thinking, try to look cool buy trying to make funny jokes, and had poor decision-making skills, hence getting bullied a lot.

High school, it was the worse time for me, I would consistently talk without thinking like I did in middle school, as well as making dumb decisions and try extremely hard to act cool. I also continued some of my habits from middle school, which attracted tons of bullying (the bullying was as brutal as brutality can get). I also hated communicating with my teachers and parents about school related issues too. In High School, I was flunking all of my classes, I sometimes even wanted to fake sick due to the fact kids were giving me a hard time, I didn't really give a damn about classes, plus more issues. As time passed by in High School, I was like the most negative stressed out person on the planet. Fought with teachers, parents, counselors, and even friends. I even got close to getting arrested twice back then, but my family bailed me out luckily. I dealt with lots of bullying and it literally sucked out my self esteem back then. Heck, during the middle of high school, I even contemplated ending my life (and I am serious about this) and even dropping out of high school too.

Towards my last year in High School, I started to get less stressed out, met some pretty cool people from my classes then and then my happiness level increased. Now I am in College (community to be exact), and I feel like I can get along with my classmates, friends and teachers, (having little arguments now and then with parents), I have much more self esteem then I did 2-3 years ago, I know how to understand social communication even more then some of my NT friends, to the point that I even tell them some of things they do can be wrong sometimes. Plus, this is the first time I in my life tried in school (I haven't really cared for many years, let's not forget), and got actually got A's, B's and C's on my report card, even though it was hard and painful. (I screwed up a few semesters in my classes and got very close to getting kicked out from school, but finally this semester, I actually tried in my classes, so now I am starting to get the hang of things). I also want to make sure that I can straight A's at least when I take my transferrable classes, so I can go to any four-year university of my choice. I must say that as I learned better social skills, it has increased my self esteem from low levels to high levels. Sometimes I have a bad habit of being hard on myself, but I think I have made tons of progress in a short time.

Nowadays, the only issue is I am less talkative then compare to when I was younger and I sometimes get bored at school (I actually am a member of clubs at school) , plus I am more tired and exhausted then I used to (due to the fact that I am starting to take more units in classes), as well as the fact that I get easily tired sometimes. Otherwise, I am impressed in the progress that I am trying to make as a person and I just hope I get better results as I keep up the progress. Sometimes trying to tackle my issues in life can be frustrating, but hey, as they say "No Pain, No Gain."
I also have finally came to acknowledge that I have AS and LD, and I don't hide the fact that I have these things as much as I used to in High School. But despite these issues, I hope I can get my Bachelors degree, enjoy a handsomely-paid career and live live happily like everyone else. You can say I made lots of good changes due to the fact that I worked on adapting good social skills. All I need to work on is being more patient as a person in tense situations and there will be no problems for me later in life.

I think I've advanced somewhat socially. I got stuck at eight years old or thereabouts, it seems, and now have the social level of a thirteen year old at seventeen. That is mostly thanks to trial and error, and careful observation of the behavior of NT's.

Do to a number of circumstances, I think I've regressed. When I was growing up, I made an effort to hang out with my friends, even though they were few in number, I joined different activities, etc. Now, I pretty much just go to work or stay home and watch TV.

Not tonight, I don't. I thought that it would be a great idea for me to go to my clubhouse, and watch the home baseball game. I've snapped at a member, for being condescending, towards me, and than I've ran to one of the staff, saying that I wanted to play, and than he told me that I needed to come to practice, in order to play. I walked away, as fast as I could, out of embarrassment. I was almost back here, posting on WP, an hour and a half, sooner, but I've decided to stay, and watch the game. I'm not going to attend anymore games to watch, any more this summer. I still don't believe in a cure for autism, despite the social blunders, that I've experienced, this evening.

Probably only in terms of self-confidence - I'm not inhibited by shyness to the degree I once was. Nowadays, I'm willing to take lead and actively participate in group work - I won't just sit on my own and have nothing to say. I am also more relaxed, able to smile, and joke around more comfortably especially in the company of people I don't know, or don't know too well. I would describe myself as more social in other words.