How do you cope with loneliness?
auntblabby
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Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,219
Location: the island of defective toy santas
I seem to have aged out of it somehow.
but my days are generally full with wrong planet, and I force myself to go outside in the sunlight and exercise, work up a sweat. then I practice on the guitar and home organ. then I work on my audio [audio restoration/enhancement is a rather involved hobby]. plus I have lots of penpals ![]()
You cope with it by seeking out friendships and/or relationships, or at least seek out and build better connections to your family, to fulfill your social needs.
Don't believe for a second that simply distracting yourself with your studies and hobbies and interests will get rid of the feeling of loneliness - it will never go away, and whatever temporary distractions you can give yourself, the feeling of bitter loneliness will simply come back when the initial euphoria wears off.
I have heard, however, that some people become numb to it and get over the feeling of loneliness at about age 40-60, but, no offense to them, but do you REALLY want to be in that position yourself?
A friendless, dateless hermit, NOT by choice?
I casually remind myself of the jerks I've dated in the past and all of a sudden, being alone doesn't seem all that bad.
_________________
"I got to keep you on your toes. When you think I'll zig, I'll zag. Then when you think I'm gonna zag, I do zag, just to mess you up for the next time, when I might zig" - Lorelai Gilmore
Don't believe for a second that simply distracting yourself with your studies and hobbies and interests will get rid of the feeling of loneliness - it will never go away, and whatever temporary distractions you can give yourself, the feeling of bitter loneliness will simply come back when the initial euphoria wears off.
I have heard, however, that some people become numb to it and get over the feeling of loneliness at about age 40-60, but, no offense to them, but do you REALLY want to be in that position yourself?
A friendless, dateless hermit, NOT by choice?
I am not between the ages of 40-60 and I haven't felt lonely like you guys describe in a long time, maybe ever. I just don't feel this emptiness or aching or whatever it is when I'm not around other people, I feel content when I am by myself (which is most of the time). So are you wrong or am I lying?
_________________
"Ego non immanis, sed mea immanis telum." ~ Ares, God of War
(Note to Moderators: my warning number is wrong on my profile but apparently can't be fixed so I will note here that it is actually 2, not 3--the warning issued to me on Aug 20 2016 was a mistake but I've been told it can't be removed.)
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
Frequent workday things (routine):
-Work (very stressful at times) which often requires overtimes sometimes traveling.
-Gym
-Gaming
-Extensive night courses (programming) every Tu/Th from 6 pm to 9pm.
-Trolling on wp ![]()
Weekend things:
-Going to pool in summer with my sister
-Hanging out on weekends usually with my one lady friend, sometimes she brings her friends along.
-Sometimes hanging out with the few geek friends (very busy, one works in Damascus and we usually garher when he comes back to Beirut for a visit)
-Spa and massage via coupons
-Reading something.
-Trolling on wp
-Android game development (periodically, very time-consuming once I start on something).
-Gaming if there's nothing else to do.
but none really cures it much.
Don't believe for a second that simply distracting yourself with your studies and hobbies and interests will get rid of the feeling of loneliness - it will never go away, and whatever temporary distractions you can give yourself, the feeling of bitter loneliness will simply come back when the initial euphoria wears off.
I have heard, however, that some people become numb to it and get over the feeling of loneliness at about age 40-60, but, no offense to them, but do you REALLY want to be in that position yourself?
A friendless, dateless hermit, NOT by choice?
I am not between the ages of 40-60 and I haven't felt lonely like you guys describe in a long time, maybe ever. I just don't feel this emptiness or aching or whatever it is when I'm not around other people, I feel content when I am by myself (which is most of the time). So are you wrong or am I lying?
I was speaking generally, i.e. most N.T.'s and aspies.
I do know some aspies and Asexuals care less about social interaction and thus feel loneliness much less.
I have heard a lack of interest in socialization can be a symptom of Autism.
Anyway, it is in my experiences, online and real-life, that it appears men are far more likely to NOT enjoy being single or alone at all.
Yes, I've seen plenty of women express being upset and feeling depressed and miserably lonely, but for every female I see who does this, there's at least 10 males who feel the same.
You'd think because men and women are equal in numbers internationally, and the fact that both men and women express themselves more on the internet than real-life, that a seemingly equal number of men and women would express great misery in loneliness if they both equally felt it.
Still, there are some cases where many women express loneliness:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comme ... dor_alone/
Also, do you at least have friends or a caring family to spend time with?
Some, if not many of us here don't just not have a relationship, but have no friends and/or weak/long distance friendships and cr*p families.
I also enjoy being alone sometimes and my solitude, I think everyone to an extent needs time alone, but the difference between most of them and I is they have a CHOICE.
Don't believe for a second that simply distracting yourself with your studies and hobbies and interests will get rid of the feeling of loneliness - it will never go away, and whatever temporary distractions you can give yourself, the feeling of bitter loneliness will simply come back when the initial euphoria wears off.
I have heard, however, that some people become numb to it and get over the feeling of loneliness at about age 40-60, but, no offense to them, but do you REALLY want to be in that position yourself?
A friendless, dateless hermit, NOT by choice?
I am not between the ages of 40-60 and I haven't felt lonely like you guys describe in a long time, maybe ever. I just don't feel this emptiness or aching or whatever it is when I'm not around other people, I feel content when I am by myself (which is most of the time). So are you wrong or am I lying?
I was speaking generally, i.e. most N.T.'s and aspies.
I do know some aspies and Asexuals care less about social interaction and thus feel loneliness much less.
I have heard a lack of interest in socialization can be a symptom of Autism.
Anyway, it is in my experiences, online and real-life, that it appears men are far more likely to NOT enjoy being single or alone at all.
Yes, I've seen plenty of women express being upset and feeling depressed and miserably lonely, but for every female I see who does this, there's at least 10 males who feel the same.
You'd think because men and women are equal in numbers internationally, and the fact that both men and women express themselves more on the internet than real-life, that a seemingly equal number of men and women would express great misery in loneliness if they both equally felt it.
Still, there are some cases where many women express loneliness:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comme ... dor_alone/
Also, do you at least have friends or a caring family to spend time with?
Some, if not many of us here don't just not have a relationship, but have no friends and/or weak/long distance friendships and cr*p families.
I also enjoy being alone sometimes and my solitude, I think everyone to an extent needs time alone, but the difference between most of them and I is they have a CHOICE.
I don't actually get as much social interaction as I think would be good for me, but at the same time I don't feel tortured by my isolation. I lost my family over the years due to deaths and also to leaving behind toxic relationships--I miss them sometimes, and I miss having a family, but I don't necessarily feel tormented by that, either. It's just how things turned out for me, so I accept it and live my life the best I can and get out of it what I can. I have a single friend that lives in a different city but who I talk to just about every day, and that certainly helps.
I'm not sure why it is that I am OK with being by myself even if that's not how I would prefer things to be (having a man around would be nice, but I don't know how to initiate relationships or meet people because of social anxiety so it's just not going to happen), other than that I have consistently made it important to learn how to get along on my own because I can't force people to be there for me and the only person I can rely on is me. I learned how to be independent because it was required for me to survive. I just can't relate to this aching for other people because all the people I ever thought I could rely on (with the exception of my single friend) have let me down and made me realise that the only person who is guaranteed to be there for me is me. I've just taken how my life turned out and learned to see and value what I have left rather than what I've lost along the way.
_________________
"Ego non immanis, sed mea immanis telum." ~ Ares, God of War
(Note to Moderators: my warning number is wrong on my profile but apparently can't be fixed so I will note here that it is actually 2, not 3--the warning issued to me on Aug 20 2016 was a mistake but I've been told it can't be removed.)
Same here.
I've suffered betrayal in the past, but that doesn't mean it's numbed me to the feelings of loneliness though.
Am I less trustworthy, more pessimistic, and more cautious? Yes, yes and yes.
But that doesn't mean I still don't feel the aching pain of loneliness.
I mean, if someone as loyal of a friend as I am can exist, surely there are others, no matter how rare they might be, that exist.
I will find them, and not fool myself into thinking I'd be fine alone only to realize I was lying to myself when it's too late and I'm too old, jaded and bitter.
RetroGamer87
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Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,185
Location: Adelaide, Australia
RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,185
Location: Adelaide, Australia
