Why don't you like eye contact?

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That's one thing I never bothered about is worrying how much time I spend looking into other peoples eyes when talking. When I was young I did not make eye contact and thank God my grandparents never stressed eye contact as one of those things I had to learn in order to "survive in society on my own as an autistic adult". I was born with and have crossed eyes to this day due to brain damage so I guess eye contact was never going to be my strong suit.

I look at anything I want when talking to someone as what does it matter where I look. I do make an effort to look in the general direction of the person I am talking to. I think its disrespectful to turn your back to a person you are talking to without a valid reason they understand and agree to. I tend to look at their clothing, their body movements, their hands, the sounds and inflections in their voices, they way they tilt their heads, how move or place their legs and feet, if they fidgit I look to see is it a random or ordered pattern. Is the pattern a lengthy exact repetition or a short exact repitition. Does the pattern change in an ordered fashion and more. These patterns in a speakers behaviors give me insights into the kind of individual they are. I look at the office to get insights into the individuals personality, their loves, focused areas and dislikes. I do not get any insight into the speaker by looking into his eyes so why waste time looking there for insights I will never see or understand. I get my insights as an autistic man in the places I specified herein, those people who know me will just have to accept me for who I am.

I do tell people I speak to and care about that I am autistic, so if I do not make eye contact with you it does not signify boredom disrespect or any other negative conventional humans attribute to the behavior. Autistic's like me do not make eye contact as part of our processing of life when speaking with others. I ask that they please consent to respect the facts I have shared before we continue. Most people accept my explaination and terms and things work out fine. If they can't accept that I am different there is no use to talking with such a closed mind anyway! Walk out wishing them luck in life, they will need it!

Me too.

Same here.

Eye contact often makes me panic and I start twitching.

The eyes have it topic

I have learned to do a 5 second eye contact and then turn away for 10 seconds. I guess I do not want people to know this about me, to know that the eye lock freaks me out. I would rather not let anyone know it bothers me. I do not like looding at men's eyes at all--this is just too much. My kids and very supportive women I allow for the 5 and 10 rule. Yet I can look at my pets' eyes. I know they accept me unconditionally.

ive been told i have bad eye contact... unless im lividly mad at them... ppl have stopped me mid fight to be like, "oh, NOW you're looking at me while yelling at me!" they then go on to yell at me even more... why i had never said my true feelings before cause i can usually never look at anyone at all (ill literally turn my head away) when people yell at me or scold me and i am trying to navigate the fight... this makes them more angry btw...

when i look at people full on... i feel i am at the middle of a merry-go-round... with the world moving way too fast and i lose my balance of visual flight to keep up with my thoughts... i think like i dream in my opinion... with my eyes to roam free... to look at two eyes at once, just flings me out into orbit... nice while orgasming... but hard to talk coherently whilst it happens.

i have learned though to bounce back and forth between eyes and mouth while talking to people... though im still told i usually hold my head cocked to a side... almost looking for a way out!

you prefer not to have eye contact. this has nothing to do with the person you are talking with, you're not trying to offend him/her. so why is it a problem :S

they dont know that though...... it's insulting... and shows disinterest or disdain.... boredom... all kinds of things.

im not that bad unless in a fight or when upset... then i cant even really look at them at all... but im used to talking to people... have had to teach for some time now...

I don't really know how to make eye contact normally. Actually, I've recently been able to make normal eye contact with the one or two people I'm most comfortable around. With anyone else, it's really awkward. I think about it a lot and worry that I'll look at the person the wrong way. Sometimes I do accidentally make the wrong kind of eye contact. It's scary!

You are a lot better than me at this. I did not even know there was such a thing as the wrong kind of eye contact!

My only issue with eye-contact is that I am never completely certain how long I should look before looking away. Thus, I fear the occurance of either wandering eyes or staring on my part. If I must do it imperfectly, I try to err on the side of looking away too much rathen than the alternative, which I would imagine has a greater potential to be perceived as creepier.

i never knew until i was in grad school... getting 60 teaching evals per term saying as much... as well as other things. then i read an article randomly on AS.... ding ding ding! we had a winner

Direct eye contact makes me very uncomfortable unless I am very trusting and familiar with a person.

I have no problem looking at people's eyes--in fact I often look at their eyes if being spoken to, as long as they are not looking at me--but as soon as they make eye contact, I look away. It's 100% instinctual.

If I do look people in the eye, I tend to get distracted by their different eye colors and shapes.
Especially so if the person has exceptionally beautiful, unique, interesting, or brightly colored eyes.
I can't talk to them and look at their eyes at the same time. It's hard to do both at the same time. That's probably also why I occasionally get accused of staring.

Yes this is a way to graduate the immersion, in order to desensitize you eyes. Some ASD It doesn't matter if the person is familiar to them, they still can't do direct eye contact. Direct eye contact is when both can see each others iris and pupil and are looking at each other eyes.


So if you get someone to look away so you can look at the whites of their eyes (if you can do this, otherwise try sunglasses). Then get them to look at you momentarily. You repeat this exercise and try to slowly increase the number of seconds you can look at them. Then turn with them a little closer to you. It takes time several weeks. I still feel it sometimes, especially with some eyes/people but it is not as prevalent.

ok, truth be told

I feel like that when I look at someone in the eye, I can't lie, I can't prevaricate, I can't hide any problems that I have. That they'll discover what a 'phony' (thank you, Holden Caufield.. I am, an impostor, etc. It's like an organic lie detector.

Of course, the converse is that I look shifty to people, since I can't look them at eyeball to eyeball, for sustained periods of time. What I try to do is look in their eyes when I'm confident of my information, can't be second-guessed, etc., almost a visual 'punctuation'. And that's about as long as it lasts..

I used to actually look at women in the eyes, but from about 10-20 yards away. Some of them were happy about it (some women like the attention, even from an old geezer like me... and some will display behavior showing they're uncomfortable; blank stare, focusing on other places, and that's where I'd cut it off. I used to be better about it, but now I tend not to look at any of them, at least not with anything but peripheral vision. I've noticed some will look at me to see why I'm not looking at them. Such is life.