Dear People Who Are In The Elevator With Me

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Dear "Holiday Super Smiley" advertisement off to the left corner of the screen...please stop moving...you are making me queasy

Dear everybody,

Why do you care what I'm reading?

please don't talk down to me, just because YOU think the old lady on the other end of the phone probably doesn't have a clue, I actually WAS doing tech support when you were in diapers.

Bravo - been there, done that so many times. Don't ask me if it's plugged in; I've been fixing computer equipment since the 80s. And if you've never picked up a screwdriver and done something with it, can you connect me to someone who can? And don't tell me 'thank you for calling (vendor name), you built it, who else would I call?...

I have an advantage of carrying around a hand truck. I just pick a corner, and put the hand truck between me and thee... Actually, I know where all the freight elevators, secret tunnels, and back doors are, so it rarely becomes an issue...I just pop out of thin air at times...

This is about the first page of responses, that's all I've read so far.

People make small talk in close/closed-in spaces to show they are not a threat, and to be sure YOU are not a threat. That is the simplest way of putting it.

There are many discussions on the origin of the handshake, one of which is that people (men) would extend their right hand (most people are right handed) to show that they did not carry weapons.

The person who says NOTHING and doesn't look around is seen as an abnormality, in that they are not playing the "I am harmless" game. Especially in these times when we have people that go on shooting rampages at schools. Or the increase in knife attacks in the U.K.

Sullen or unfriendly can be seen THESE days as being potentially DANGEROUS. Yes, that includes small talk.

The small talk also has the subliminal message of "I am intruding in your personal space, and you in mine, let's not kill or harm each other, and try to be peaceful."

As far as the hair stylist, they may think that if you don't talk, you don't like the style. Or they may be a people-loving chatterbox. I had a dentist that was a chatterbox, when I was younger. Now, how the heck can I carry on a conversation when half my mouth is numb, he's got hands and tools in my mouth, and the assistant has that saliva vacuum and some hands in my mouth too. And yet he'd (the dentist) would ask me questions!! !

Some clothing salespeople are paid on commission, so if they could, they would shoot you down with a tranquilizer dart and put an ear tag or GPS locater on you, so they could be sure to get the commission if you buy something. And if they don't follow you around, they might get fired for not doing their job.

There's always another part to the story. There's the other side. It would be interesting to hear what the other side would say. Since we don't have those people here, would it be possible for the people who have already posted, to reply to themselves, as if they were the person? Like quote yourself and then pretend to be the sales clerk or the elevator rider.

I have a lot of time. I liked to post on some various websites and was told I post too much. Also that I post too much about myself and that I am not very entertaining. I want to talk with people. I am lonely. And the other day, the ONLY human being I talked with was the person on the elevator, and the exchange was just "what floor" and the response to the level desired.

But that was better than nothing. I got to hear a human voice. When you're all alone, that really matters.

Especially since it wasn't someone making fun of me on a website, or harassing me, or making me feel so bad by telling me I am unworthy of friends because of the way I am.

I got to have an exchange with someone who didn't insult me. And if that's all I can have, is that short elevator exchange, then it will have to do.

Well said, True. People making pleasant remarks in elevators don't bother me, either, for the reasons you present. It's the ones who interrupt me while I'm trying to get from Point A to Point B through a crowded or potentially crowded situation that are harder to tolerate. Like standing in that long line last night to see the Batman movie -- and having to sit surrounded by people other than my family (at least my husband was on my left).

MadAme, but everyone is in the same boat, in that crowded arena. Everyone wants everyone else to just MOVE and get out of the way. Except there isn't a lot of room to move around or move TO, so it doesn't help to be tense.

I often chat with people in line, because I think it's a neat way to make that human connection, to make time pass quickly in an enjoyable manner.

I remember starting a conversation with one lady, in line. And it continued while we both checked out with our groceries. And then we kept talking into the parking lot and stopped to talk.

We chattered on and on (like I'm doing now). And at one point, she says "But I don't like other people and I don't like to talk to strangers..."

And I do a hand movement, pointing my finger at her and then me, at her and then me...because *I* was a stranger and WE were talking.

She says, "Yes, but YOU are different and I like talking to you!" It was like talking to a good friend. And maybe that's part of the Aspie gift?

Because I don't follow or even understand the social rules, so I talk to whomever I want, on an equal level. Not as a stranger. Besides, a stranger is a friend you haven't met yet.

Another time in the grocery store, I suggested while checking out, that all the people in line should give each other back rubs. Nobody would care if the line was slow, in fact, people would go to the longest line to get the longest back rub.

And the person who was doing the bagging, she thought it was funny and a good idea, and she gave me a back rub. It was short.

So many of us are lonely and awkward, but these SHORT encounters can be a wonderful relief from the loneliness. Whereby I will GLOW for DAYS after a longer conversation.

There isn't the burden of trying to figure out what to do next in the friendship...because once my groceries are paid for, it's kind of over. I leave, they go back to doing what they were doing.

But this one time that the checker and I started talking and then laughing hysterically to the point that other people were staring trying to figure out what was so funny and why we were so loud, it was wonderful.

Even the people in the line behind me could not help but to start to laugh, it's an interesting phenomenon. Laughter brings more laughter.

This is a YouTube of a Royal British Guard who starts laughing. It always makes me smile. Does it do the same thing for anyone else?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6ttV4h5mbo

Dear Random Customer Where I Work,
Please stop talking to me about your grandchildren or your days in the RAF. I really do have absolutely no idea how to respond to you and it makes it rather awkward.

Dear Counsellor/Professional People,
Kindly stop asking how I am. I find my feelings confusing enough as it is without having to work out whether you want me to reply 'okay' or 'miserable'.

Dear Other People My Age,
Please stop rambling away to me about who did this, who got off with who and who got drunk at the weekend. I really do not take any pleasure in listening to the antics of other teenagers and to be honest, it just makes me realise how very different I am to you. Also, I have absolutely no idea what face expression to use.

Dear Random People,
Please stop questions which I would deem silly; such as asking questions with obvious/impossible answers, I really cannot see why you're bothering to bug me with such irrevelant questions.

Dear World,
Please note I have a big sign above my head saying 'please leave me alone' and kindly follow. Also it would be appreciated if you didn't scream or laugh manically right next to me - it startles me.

Thank you. Rant over.

Dear Voices in my head.

I will not commit arson. It would be fun but I am capable of understanding the ramifactions.

Thankyou

(Joke )

But seriously...

Dear Family.

Shut up. You b***h about how difficult your life is when you have no idea how much worse mine is with being a social neophyte. Kindly shutup before I rip your tongue out and give you a self-rimjob.

Thankyou.

Regards
GM

Dear elevator folks
Stop farting, seriously did you hold that in all day?

Dear Mexican McDonalds guy at the Drive-in
Get the Russian guy at the counter who knows English to work the Drive-in or learn to actually speak it

Dear new Gamestop employees
Stop trying to get me to join your money-extraction club. You don't discount any of the games I want, You end up flooding people's inboxes with spam about games they don't even want, You end up taking two minutes of my time to give me a pitch when you know damn well I'll say no. And no, I don't want GameGuard, now give me my game, now slave!

Dear Mailman
Are you ret*d, drunk, or just a a**hole?
Which is it, I know its one or all three.
Look carefully, you've seen me through the window or on my porch.
So why is it that you seem to have the idea that Hyun Kim Park lives here, unless you mean the North Korean double agent in my basement, but he doesn't get any mail after the anthrax incident. So why do I get his mail and for that matter, where are my Playboys going?! To some shriveled old Asian man with about as much sex appeal as a rotten lemon.

Dear moderators on IGN, Facepunch, and any other gamer site I loiter on
! !@$ you! If I want to bash the hell of PC gamers I will, if I want to say how much I like JRPGs while some forty-year old num-nuts with an elf costume tries to flag me because D&D and high fantasy are too niche, I will. Face it people, the Scar can't be stopped. Open your eyes nerds! Fnaboys will suffer my flaming wrath HAHAHAA!! !
Note: I was permabanned on Facepunch, but then again who wasn't?

Dear staff of Newark Airport Magazine Rack
How the flying !@#$, do you charge 10 bucks for a magazine. That print better be embossed for me to pay that much. The real b***h is that its CHEAPER IN CANADA

Dear people who pick movies for airlines
Why is it you pick the worst movies to occupy our time? Nim's Island was garbage, so was Spiderwick Chronicles, anybody could tell you that, even kids hated those movies. So why can't we see anything good?
Note: If there any nerds who defend these movies here right now, step outside and we'll settle this like men.

Dear Family,

Yes I realize that actor I like has put on a considerable amount of weight lately. He's almost fifty and his metabolism has most likely slowed down. Please stop bashing him and whatever other actors I like for being too old or chubby or skinny. Just thank God I actually LIKE something for once that isn't too detached from popular culture.

Dear Best Friend,

Please stop trying to make me co-write a book with you for your own personal gain. You're trying to make me relive the worse thing that ever happened to me so that you can make money. I do not want to whore out my personal tragedies.

Dear Miss Dixie, my old high school bus driver:

Don't scream at me in front of the whole bus for my mistakes, like not saying 'bye' when I exit. I have selective mutism and can't always reply to you. And when you tried to block my way to hold me 'captive' to your rant, I didn't see your hand, because it was pretty low in my field of vision. I tried to walk through because I thought you were done. I was not trying to disrespect you, certainly not 'physically assault' you, and I certainly did not deserve a goddamn referral.

Dear Aunt,

Please don't accuse my mother, brother and I of 'making up' our problems. For example we really cannot recognize people's faces and really do have powerful sensory issues. My brother especially is not going to respond to your flipping out since he is lower functioning than us.

Dear loser who works at 7-11
You're 28 years old, you told me, when I didn't ask, all I wanted was a slurpee and a snickers, not your life story, now take my money and shut the hell up.

Dear most of the student body at Monta Vista High School who are not my friends or close acquaintances
SUCK MY BALLS!! ! YOU ALL ARE IDIOTS!! HAVE FUN ZOMBIES WHILE I HAVE A LIFE!! !!

Dear fat old guy who owns a leaf blower and uses it regularly, particularly when I'm asleep in the morning
I'm about ready to stick that thing where the sun doesn't shine. Use a rake, is it too much exercise, you need it, you fat !@#$

Dear Jehovah's Witnesses
Leave me alone, I'm not joining your stupid religion, now find some other shmuck.

Dear telemarketers
I'm glad there's a special place in Hell just for you

Dear people who get in the elevator with me when it is obviously going up,

Don't expect me to let you in. You know a card is required to get in the part of the building. If you want to get in, bring your own card with you. I am not here to accommodate you. I am prepared and you are not, deal with it, go down and around to the elevators on the first floor.

Dear people at my cousins 21st,

If I want to stick my name tag to my forehead, that's my business.
Don't presume to tell me what to do.
No, I don't do it for the attention.

Yours Sincerely,

The person you judge and know nothing about.

I always wonder how often "the person in the elevator" starts small talk with you is doing so because they are actually interested or because it's been ingrained in their mind that it's a social necessity. The idea that their interested does not make sense to me. After all, I'm just a random stranger so if they're interested in me, then, they'd have to be interested in everyone and I don't see them getting off the elevator and asking every single person who is getting on about themselves. No, I think they do it because they've been programmed to believe that are supposed to do it. They believe it's rude to not say anything and that silence is awkward.

I know this isn't the actual purpose of the thread, but I had to share this. A few days ago I was waiting for the elevator to come in my dorm building and this guy came up behind me. He started betting on which one would came first. As more and more people came he insisted on polling everyone, and when we all squeezed in he started asking me which floor of the building was the most important one, the funnest to be on. So I said that the second floor had the video rental and all the mail, and he said, "that's great, I love males, men are great," and that made me very confused. After I left he waved and shouted "thanks for riding the elevator with me!"
I couldn't tell if I was annoyed by him or delighted by his sheer weirdness.