connection ???

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people have said to me that they feel a 'connection' with me.

I do not believe I have felt this with anyone ever.

what do you think they mean by feeling a 'connection'?

Have you felt this? what is it like?

do you think it is linked with theory of mind?

I believe it means that they really like being around you and feel comfortable.

I was just thinking about the nature of connection. I do not feel connected to people when in their presence. It is as though I am just there, like furniture; not real to them. I've gone through life slipping past the social landscape, barely touching it, whereas they are fully real to one another and can make contact.

Some have told me they loved me, but I felt emotionally flat and couldn't feel connected to them in any meaningful way. I have loved only once, but it was not reciprocal, and do not know how much was based on what I imagined them to be (i.e., poor theory of mind).

Sometimes I read about others who have experienced very similar things in life to me and briefly feel some kind of connection or fondness. Extrapolating from that to understand how others experience connection in their lives does not work for me. I think it's definitely the autism.

It's like meeting someone who shares your special interest and the two of you can talk about it for hours, and you look forward to getting together again so you can share your passion for your interest again.

I think.

But then again, I'm autistic. How the H*** would I know what they're talking about? That's just what I think of as feeling connected.

some people who said they felt connected to me are on the spectrum, I think I shall question them on it. I avoided questioning them previously as I did not want to be rude. I thought it might go down badly when they said that they felt connected to me to ask them what on earth they were talking about. However its bugging me now so I shall ask them.

so Lelia- do you think it just means enjoying spending time with people? why dont they just say that then?

Outlier- do people get cross at you for not reciprocating their feelings and for not knowing what they are feeling? How do you respond to this?

DonkeyBuster- I shall ask them if that is what they mean, I dont think I shared any special interests or other things in common with these people though. I wonder if aspies use NT terms without having the same definition as NT use for them?

They rarely get cross at me for not reciprocating. It's very odd. I grew up never reciprocating emotionally to my parents and I can't recall it bothering them much at all.

Those who said they loved me were mostly emotionally independent types and did not express anything beyond mild annoyance or upset at my lack of reciprocation. The worst I can remember is one of them giving me a horrible lecture when we were in public one day supposed to be enjoying ourselves. He was the one I tried to reciprocate to most in my life, but he still accused me of treating him like furniture. He would also bully me about how I didn't get things right in general.

I responded to his lecture and bullying by trying to discuss things reasonably; this only escalated things. In retrospect I can see that he didn't accept me for who I was and put his needs first. It's too stressful being around those who don't accept me. I can try to improve in some ways, but cannot change certain basic things about myself.

Yes Outlier, I am the same.

Ive changed/improved all that I can, whats left is fixed/permanent.

I cant be bothered with people not understanding me or explaining myself to people any more, I dont feel motivated to.

I feel that people should like me or sod off.

I just dont seem to get any benefit from people at all, I cant see a point in having to do with them if they are going to give me a hard time.

Ive been thinking about this and I actually think that maybe they are lying, I think maybe they think that if they say that the feel a connection to me it will flatter me and make me like them. I think it maybe a tool people use to give the feeling of closeness with people, to make people be nice to them.

I get frustrated when people idolize me and 'make out' that they think Im so great, and then when they see that infact I was correct in saying I was not like that, they 'take it out' on me and behave spitefully and resentfully. I understand tht they respond like this because they feel rejected and that their aim in 'idoliziong' me was to make me be nice to them. But I would prefer it if people behaved in a more neutral but consistant fashion.

I very seldom feel "connection"...except maybe to the small handful of friends I have had for years...who are mostly non-neurotypical..
I would like to though....I would not mind having a female friend..for example..who knew where I was coming from..who I didn't offend or whatever it is we do that makes female-friendships not happen

I have a sort of female acquaintance who is kind of like this....but she is refreshingly eccentric

But um...howyousay....when I get praised and flattered by someone...it makes me feel weird...and worry about their sincerity...or their real motives for the flattery

A lady my partner was sorta dating for a while liked to go on and on and on about how totally cool and pretty and interesting and talented she thought I was....and it was a little overwhelming..

That kinda stuff has nothing to do with "connection"...I am not sure whether people carry on like this because they want to receive flattery in return...or some kind of reassurance....

Whatever it is, it is something I am not automatically able to provide in conventional ways...

This is the sort of thing that people might have a hard time understanding about me.

I am a "gifter"....I compensate for not connecting by giving gifts to people...and then I think that usually gets misinterpreted...