How is this fair?

Post Reply New Topic

When my grandparents came over today, my mom baked them a cake. This was a cake that I could not eat because of anti-yeast diet I was on. I decided to sit down with them (after dinner) and sit and chat. Somehow, this constituted as me "making a mess" because I was then asked--no, commanded--to help clear the place. Since I did not, in any way, contribute to eating with them at that time, nor did I make any mess as I did not eat the cake, nor did I take a plate, I flat-out refused saying, "Not my mess," since it wasn't at all. My stance is this: My mom is not required to clean up after me. Unless it's something that requires immediate attention (which hardly any mess you make does--so you leave crumbs out over night. You're not going to get ants the next morning necessarily. And if you do, so what? You use bug spray and that gets rid of them. Doesn't take a genius to figure this out ), such as maybe spilling a sticky drink or something, leave the mess out, and require me to clean it up in the morning. If I miss something, you give me hell about it anyway.

My dad claims it has something to do with a familial unit. I disagree. All that it does is foster laziness. If I were to clean up after my brother every single night when he leaves his glass in the sink, that requires more work on my part. After all, my mom's ALWAYS complaining about how much work she does, while I'm constantly living in fear of her scolding me for the littlest thing (I call that "going blooey"). Though I'm not a big contributor in this house, I've always done what is asked of me (for the most part) (such as cleaning my room, etc. etc. etc.).

My question boils down to this: how in was this fair that I was asked to clean up after my family, when I really bare no responsibility to contribution to the plates, silverware that was out, etc.?

fair is a place where animals and pies win blue ribbons.

Pretend it's payback for all the years she had to wipe your butt when she didn't cause the mess.

Ahh, but she did create the mess by helping to create the baby that makes the mess.

It's not about fairness, it's about getting along with others.

You can be "right" or you can get along and have friends and family. Your choice. Just don't whine when you don't get included in things if you'd rather be "right".

I'm already not included in things because I had a meltdown at my mom. I'm supposed to make my own dinner, etc., until I move out (or until rents say other wise). Not that I mind, of course, since it enables me to eat whenever I want, instead of at some arbitrary hour each night. I eat at 5 each night, instead of 7.

I think it had to do with a courtesy rule in their home. Because they did all the cooking and had to set the table, they wanted you to help them in return even though you didn't make the mess but still it was courtesy they wanted from you. You are like a guest in their house or someome renting a room from them since you pay them rent right?


In my mom's home when she was a kid, whenever her mother cooked for the family, one of the kids had to clean the mess by washing the dishes and clearing the table. My mom said it was polite and courtesy and it's pretty rude to not help because that person did all the cooking and served you food so you should pitch in for return because it's polite. I think my mom and her sisters took turns of course cleaning up the mess. It be unfair if my mother always had to do them and never ever her siblings.

I don't think it's a big deal to clean up after your grandparents. They're guests in your home, so it's your responsibility to clean up after them.

At my house, I just automatically clean up whatever needs to be cleaned up. So, it wouldn't even occur to me to leave the dishes on the table, or to make my grandparents clean them up.

First off to paraphrase sinsboldy life is not fair. Secondly being resentful about not getting cake is silly, I am allergic to shrimp but I don't expect others to not enjoy eating shrimp because I don't. Third being respectful of your grandparents and other family members is not a bad thing. Please refrain from making a whiny post in the future if your grandparents leave you out of their wills because you offended them.

When you get your own house, if you were to command your parents to clean up a mess in your house, they would likely decline. I don't think what was asked of you was fair and i'm glad you refused to do it.

who puts yeast in a cake?! Yeast goes in bread. I've never seen a cake recipe that included yeast! And I've been baking a lot of cakes lately..

I've always had a serious problem with the "life isn't always fair" people. Maybe it would be more fair if people tried to make it more so rather than taking the cowards way out or using it as an excuse for their own unfairness.

Like a couple of people have already said. You are missing the point. The person who made the mess is neither here nor there. You should be courteous when guests are in your house. Furthermore, you should be respectful to your grandparents and offer to take their plates and clean up without having to be told.