Hi everyone,
I've found several books that have been really helpful for me in developing my social skills, and I wanted to share them all with you. Enjoy!
The best book I read on body language was What Every Body is Saying, by Joe Navarro. It's written by an ex-FBI agent, so the real-life examples of body language applications are fascinating, and it's written in a style that's very helpful to quick comprehension. Essentially, rather than focusing on all of the little individual pieces of body language, it talks about how to read quickly if someone is comfortable or uncomfortable. That's a very useful thing to be able to take in at a glance.
On relationships and conflict, Crucial Conversations, by Kerry Patterson et al is a FANTASTIC book about how to manage conflict effectively. Can't recommend it highly enough.
Leil Lowndes has a variety of books of social skills tips. I've found the most helpful one to be How To Talk To Anybody, but most of them are worth a read. The books are organized into super short 2-3 page chapters, each covering a different social tip or trick. Some of the tricks are gimmicky, or would come across as cheesy, and most would only work when used in moderation or in certain situations. But many of them are genuinely useful, and the book is written in an easy to read style that makes it fun to go through the tips. An example of a Lowndes tip: How to deal with a nosy person. If someone keeps asking you a question that you don't want to answer, and they keep asking, how do you get them to back off? Her suggestion: Pick a response that gives very little information, then repeat that response word for word if the person keeps asking. Keep a cool tone, don't get upset--soon they'll get the hint For instance:
Them: "I heard you and Alex broke up. How was that?"
You: "It's a really sensitive subject, and I'd rather not talk about it"
Them: "No, really, just tell me a little bit"
You: "It's a really sensitive subject, and I'd rather not talk about it"
Them: "C'mon, just give me a little info"
You: "It's a really sensitive subject, and I'd rather not talk about it.
Them: "Well, all right then"
Switch, by Dan and Chip Heath, is a great book about the psychology of change, and how to make change happen. It's not specifically a social skills book, but it has great implications for if you want to help yourself change to be less shy, more outgoing, etc.
Click, by Rom and Ori Brafman, is kind of useful. It's worth picking up at the library, if not buying. The entire book is reasonably interesting, but the best chapter is chapter 7, on Naturals (the book defines Naturals as people who click really well with other people almost automatically). It talks a lot about the reason why Naturals click, which is that they're high-self monitors (that is, they're really good at monitoring the situation around them and adapting their behavior to the situation.) Being a high-self monitor is really useful in social interactions, so it's worth reading that chapter to find out what the deal is.
Hope that helps! Everyone else, feel free to suggest books as well.
04 Feb 2011, 4:41 pm
