Detecting Sincerity - How do you know?

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This may be a bit too vague of a question, however, I'm curious as to how to know if someone is truly seeking friendship. How do you know if someone really likes you, or wants to get to know you? I'm always skeptical as to who is just being nice, or is possibly using me. I'm never sure whether or not it is acceptable to approach a person or sometimes even say hello. I just want to better understand my relationships with the people in my life, such as potential friends, at school, at work, etc. Any advice as to how to identify open social situations or people's interest in me? I'm tired of making mistakes, or keeping to myself because I'm confused.

Those who are seeking friendship will not ask anything of you...

I have the same problem. I just keep away from most people for that reason.

I agree. The ones that are using you will always ask you to do them favors, but it will be like pulling teeth trying to get them to do anything for you.

I used to just trust everybody, but now I just know with a gut feeling when somebody is being insincere. I don't know how I learned this, but I'm appreciative that I know how to do that now.

An interesting question, and I suspect that it's a common one amongst *everybody*...

For me, I have a good number of people I'd consider to be acquaintances but few whom I'd consider to be close friends. Those who are, have been people who have been there for me when I've needed someone, who accepts me for who I am, and who's willing to forgive me for making an idiot of myself on occasion.

I generally accept people for who they are, and work on the basis that until I know they're trying to do me harm then they're OK. But I don't make friends easily although I can be *friendly* to them. As for sincerity, I think that comes with when people match what they say with how they act. As SilverStar said - a friend will know that they can call on you for help, but will also be happy to be called upon as well. Friendship is a two-way street.

Honestly I don't know when someone is being sincere, however, I usually always pick up on the 'X factor' (as I like to call it) if someone has it. That can be a number of things like insincerity, ulterior motives, etc. I never know what the exact intentions of that person is but for the most part, basically if I don't like something about someone, I sense it for the most part.

Does that make sense? I'm not good with explaining things like this...

I'm just wondering, how might someone act, or what could they say or do? What's just being polite or habitual, and what's real?
I know I might not get answers, but I'm just trying to figure this all out.

Sigh, I also have this problem particularly with people at work since my mom owns the restaurant I work at.

I would have to say, there are some ways to tell, but these are still hard to obtain.

If they offer you their phone number then chances are they don't mind getting to know you.

If they come over to talk to you, then chances are they don't mind getting to know you.

If their feet are pointed towards you during conversation then they have an interest in talking to you. (This one is body language)

Also its always polite to approach people and say hello, I mean I was the quiet kid in school almost every year. Now that I have observed someone other than myself being quiet.. someone who under the surface is funny and interesting, I KNOW that it is a huge challenge trying to get someone to open up after you've said hello to them the first couple of times and that anyone trying to talk to you is making a HUGE effort.

Know that when you don't say hello back you are making it very difficult to know them, a lare part of understanding is trying to put yourself in the other persons shoes. Exactly how would it feel after you try to make a conversation with you and they don't respond with any level of enthusiasm. You would think that they are rejecting you, but in truth they may simply not know what to say.

Also there are no open situations, because even outside of AS people will have different perspective and takes on things. I know from working in a social environment (and i'm sure 1 or 2 psychologists have done this) that every single person will have a different take on things.

There have been people who looked at me like I was creepy at work, there've been customers who thought I was shy, there have been customers who flirted heavily, there have been customers who were bored with me, who flat out didn't like me, etc.

An open social situation in a class room would be being socially aggressive when doing a group project, same thing for extracurriculars. For a lot of situations that seem closed, they really are open and just require being clever on your part. I mean, my aunt met my uncle just because she asked him for a number 2 pencil in their highschool class.

Also there are VERY few situations where someone is being nice just for the sake of being nice, unless they're trying to be professional (I.E. work, or a clerk at a groccery store). As far as habitual, I guess that could be a guy holding a door open for you? I do it all the time because its how I was raised. Other than that I don't have time to play nice, I try to keep myself open to any friendships and there are other people who are the same. Intent doesn't always change just because you have aspergers.

Also remember who we actually become friends with has nothing to do with social skill but more or less the individual and having a shared common interest with someone.

It's very hard to know that. The best way is to watch how they act/look at you, things that don't seem quite right, feeling nervous around them, them borrowing money...
I don't know, I just try not to put too much trust in any one person unless I have a damn good reason to.

For me, the biggest clue that someone is being insincere is that they ignore me when their other friends are around. Someone who sincerely wants to be your friend won't only hang out with you when nobody better is there.

I'm good at reading people, and I'm very observant, so I look to see if their body language and actions matches what they are saying. If they don't match up, then you know something's off with them. I know what you are saying about the borrowing money part. There are very few people out there that will borrow money off of you, and actually pay you back (this includes family members as well). My take on it is, most people that borrow money, are usually financially irresponsible, and if they would spend money on the things they need, instead of blowing it on things they want, they wouldn't be asking for it. There are some though, that really need it, and would pay you back as soon as they could, and it would bother them until they did...these are the only ones that I ever loan or give money to.

I always wondered whether to trust my boyfriend and if he was being sincere or not and it was so scary and frustrating and traumatizing and miserable and depressing that I felt like I had no way to find out.

When I mean habitual, I mean routine conversations, such as eating lunch with the same person every day or sitting with the same person each time in class. Whether or not it's strictly out of habit or they might actually enjoy your company.

I discovered this at age 40 instead of 16 like you.

That is something that took me many, many years to figure out. There have been a number of people in my life who I felt really nervous around, and yet I was convinced that they were something special that I ought to have in my life. I used to lose hours of sleep worrying that I might start quivering and stammering while trying to talk to someone who I thought was destined to be my friend or lover. Eventually, if the person did end up having some semblance of a relationship with me, it ended with me feeling confused and robbed of my self-esteem.

I was nervous around them because I really wanted them to like me, but was worried that they might think I was weird/unworthy or whatever, and I guess I subconsciously detected that they did think that way about me. When I met my husband, it was a revelation that I could feel "in love" with someone without also feeling nervous around them. I had never experienced such a thing before, and that's how I knew that he was a keeper. It was so obvious that he accepted me for what I was, that I never felt that nervousness.