How bad does it get?

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It seems that most autistic/AS people I read about not only can't function socially, but also can't get jobs and live with their parents because they lack the independence and the social development necessary to live on their own. One story I read was about a man in his 30s-40s who lived with his mother and had just gotten a job at a library for two hours a week. However, one day while he was on a bus, a crying baby caused him to flip out uncontrollably, and he was subsequently arrested and taken into police custody. Six months later, he was dumped off at his mother's house, having been shot full of drugs, and all the hard work that had been put in over his lifetime to integrate him with society had been undone. It raises a question for me: Does this sort of thing happen often to people with autism/AS? It seems that nearly every person with Asperger's I know is barely able to function socially or in school without some sort of aid from a teacher or Special Ed tech. Why is it that every person with Asperger's that I've met is dependent on others so much?

I must not have it as bad as people who never leave home, but reading stories like that shows me how close I am, in some aspects to that. I can understand how it could get that bad. I often wonder, if I had known all my life that I had Asperger's (I only just found out this year), would I have been less likely to force myself to be more independant? I forced myself because I 'thought' I was normal and had actually convinced myself I was lazy, like everyone said.

Now that I think about it, I've never lived alone. It wasn't intentional, so I thought, but maybe, subconsciously, it was. The thought is a little scary. I moved out when I was 20 and moved in with a friend. That didn't work out, I moved back home, and then soon had a boyfriend who I moved in with. Once again, didn't work, moved back home, then met my fiance and moved in with HIM. I rationalized going back home every time instead of just getting my own place...but I guess it really was because I didn't want to be alone. I do depend on my fiance a lot now too. He is an Aspie too, but we are good at different things, so we support each other in the things we're good at.

I also don't keep jobs for more than 3 years. Again, there's always been an excuse...I got laid off twice, and the other two were just crappy jobs and I had to leave...but still, at every job I've ever had, they've found a way to get rid of me. It always seems like they love me at first, then I get too good at my job, and they start treating me like s**t...like I'm a threat to them or something...and I get pushed out or am always picked when there's a layoff.

It sucks to now realize that all of this IS actually because of me and not lots and lots of bad luck and strange circumstances, but, yeah, I am pretty dependent on other people.

Becuse we miss some basic abilities necessary to function well in society ?

Edit: and maybe also because many (all ?) couldn't care less about succeding, it seems to me that most of us would be perfectly fine as long as they could stay home pursuing special interest with maybe 2/3 friends, to a certain extent it's like the outside world doesn't exist (isn't this the core of autism ?) so of course you end up "failing" in that outer world you neglect.

It's not as bad as you first make out because AS just like autism is a spectrum disorder. On the one end you have people who never leave home and have difficulty with everything in the outside world. At the other end you have someone like me where most people just regard me as a little 'odd' but for thirty years I've had problems holding down a job and dealing with the opposite sex. 99 days out of 100 things are just dandy but for that one remaining day I need all the help I can get.

One of the problems is that the NT world and the AS world don't mix too well. For some of us a large part of the NT world really does seem to be the Wrong Planet.

Vanilla_Slice

My social skills aren't so good. I have problems making eye contact even when I am conversing with someone. I work at a library and I get through the day by putting on an act. It's really hard for me to pick up the phone and call somebody. I always had my mum make all my appointments and phone calls, now I have my boyfriend do it .

Being an artist who won't speak up is also hard. I Can't sell myself unless it's online.

I am terrible at small talk and when people ask me how I am, I just say "fine". I never ask how they are doing. This bothers me as I know they are probably thinking I am a jerk and not interested in them. My boyfriend always has to ask me for a hug because I never do it voluntarily and when people need consuling I am lost for words and have to put on a sad face. Inside I have all these emotions but they never reach the surface until I explode and have a meltdown.

My boyfriend is one of the few people who sees my personality and it hurts me when I get ignored by people who think I am weird or being rude. I have few friends and my boyfriend is my bestfriend.

I wish I could have the same relationship with people as I have with my cats.

I can live on my own and I take care of my son but I still have so much trouble doing simple things. For instance, my mother referred me to a woman in her church who tutored math (for my son) and gave me her number but it took me forever to pick up the phone and call. I don't even know what I'm afraid of. Eventually I did and she was a perfectly nice person. I just always assume I'm going to fail in some way.

Oy! And just try describing that experience to anyone without AS. They just give you that 'WTF is wrong with you' look and roll their eyes.

It feels to me much like the resistance you feel when you try to push the 'like' poles of a magnet together and they repel each other. No matter how hard you push, they just won't go together. Sometimes the simplest little tasks are like that. Eventually a window will appear when, for just a moment, the force field drops and I can do it easily - but if I wait too long, the window passes and I'm stuck behind that invisible repelling wall again.

Willard wrote

Yes! I can't even explain it to myself. You're so smart-why don't you have a better job?
You're so pretty, why aren't you married?
You're so talented, why aren't you painting?
answer: because I can't and I don't know why.

How bad does it get? It depends on where you are on the spectrum and your responses and your life circumstances.
I have a mild case of Asperger's, and yet the only paid job I have ever held I got fired from and my executive disfunctioning has always frustrated my husband and me. Fortunately I married a man who has always made enough that I did not need to work. He also took over the bill paying as I proved incompetent. And when I was sick for years with kidney and autoimmune difficulties, he took over most of the housework too. Now he pays for a friend to come in once or twice a week to do cleaning so I'm free to do what I'm great at: gardening.
I seem to be aging badly, so I am glad I'm retired from raising kids. Of course, one of my kids was a wookie who beat me on a regular basis and another adopted kid had Alcohol Fetal Effect and told me she had to learn everything the hard way and proceeded to make my life hell, and then three delightful boys, one with asperger's, and maybe there's a reason I could not get very organized. Except they're gone, and I still can't. But I'm also only able to work a few hours a day before exhaustion sets in, so maybe it's a matter of energy.
For me life is very good, due to having the best husband in the world. How would I do without him and his continual supports in the areas I lack in? I might find out how bad it can get.

I find that if i hang in larger and larger groups (seen as dependance) my lack of ability to start conversations is totally overlooked because everyone is already talking. All i have to do is get in 5 minutes of small talk with a few people and swallow my distaste for socializing. It sounds silly to go to crowded places when you're anxious about people, but it's better than being alone forever with no one but my dog to talk to. understandibly, she never really talks much, lol.

That's a silly question. It's a disability for a reason.

Do you ever feel that knowing you had Asperger's meant that you put less effort into life? Do you think that perhaps you got used to all the extra help that was being given to you, and so you felt less like you needed to actually work toward success in life?

Maybe they don't see succeeding in life in the typical way (friends, job, own house, car etc) as important, so they aren't as motivated to do so. I mean, I can understand how it would be good to have a job so you can pay your own way, but I don't understand why so many people think it's necessary to move out of home as soon as they are 20, 21 or some other specific age.
Maybe the people you have met have Aspergers more severely, because it IS a spectrum disorder.

Less effort? Than who?
I never got special helps. Oh wait.... I was in the ret*d class for a few years until I was IQ tested and the school found out I was the highest IQ that had ever gone through that school. I don't know what they thought I was doing with all those books I was reading every second I could.

Err.. no. While I'm grateful not to be completely on my own, sometimes the institutions that offer this help have also created setbacks. I struggle every day of my life with Aspergers/Autism, and work hard in hope that I may become more independant one day.

PREACH IT!

My answer to each of those would be, "I don't care enough about the goal to invest the effort needed to obtain it."

I so despise invoking an entitlement mentality, but with AS, I really get frustrated that it's never good enough to just have a set of skills and a desire to work. It's all about being aggressive to land the job/opportunity. I just wish that a good job would take me and put me to work without my having to do all the hoop-jumping to win the job in the first place.

Relationships can be equally exhausting. I just am not up to the head games involved in finding a mate. Short of love at first sight, I don't think I'll ever find someone.

And talent? Well, without a lot of hard work, talent goes nowhere. I need something that holds my focus long enough to develop a talent into something worthwhile, and I just don't have that.