Weightlifting for the Aspie Brain.

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I'd like to compile a list, (or have a list from the archive pointed out to me - thank you Merle), of tricks you do to improve your ability to deal with all the social bits and pieces. I have a few that have done me well over the years - A kind of workout for the part of the brain that goes under-utilized by aspies.

1. Being other people. When in a place where I can observe people, I pick a random person, and watch them as closely as possible, and while doing so I try to imagine everything that has ever happened in their life to get them to where they are right now. Do they walk evenly, do they look at things as they walk, do they seem hunched or tense, are their clothes in good condition, do they have smile lines or frown lines, do they notice you looking. After doing this I pretend that I am that person, and I imagine how it is to walk like they do, to hunch like they do, to be nervous as they are and I get a sense of who they are. And when I imagine I am that person, I learn some of the things that I didn't notice. While I advocate you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, I think the feeling you get of someone while watching them while they don't know your looking is a good place to start.

2. Eye contact without staring. When I make eye contact (which I can only do while listening as I can't seem to talk at the same time as making eye contact), i tended to stare and it made people feel uncomfortable and actually tell me that I was 'intense'. I learned a trick whereby I look at their eyes and then I look at all the parts of their face really quickly. Nose, mouth, left eye right eye. It sounds weird, but because those things are close together, your eyes don't look like they are insanely darting all over, they just look interested and not intense.

3. Being dominant. I stopped being a programmer when I was 28 and dived into Sales. Which was probably the scariest thing I've done and I still get nervous to the point of throwing up before big meetings, however, it did teach me that you can't sell anything unless you are dominant. Or at least, can effectively fake being dominant. Dominance is mostly communicated through body language. To be dominant, a good rule of thumb is to take up as much room as possible with your body. Try it, rather than sitting with your legs together and your hands together, open your legs, stretch them out, and spread your arms out. It feels totally awkward and unnatural but is a good thing to remember to do from time to time. A really great book all about body language is The Book of Tells ( http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/HOW ... -item.html )

Thought of another one.

4. Third person perspective. I try and do this whenever I remember. In whatever situation I'm in, I try and imagine also looking at the same situation as though I was a fly on the wall. Just looking at this scene from a different angle often gives me more perspective and puts another part of my brain to work.

I can relate to 2. especially, people seem to get scared just because you're looking directly at them, even in normal conversation.

I go to the gym a lot. That's a pretty good motivating factor, I never thought about it in that perspective. Thanks for putting that out there, I can say from experience that going to the gym frequently helps with some of the negative AS characteristics.

Great thread, thread creator, with some very helpful advice. Your approach certainly reflects my own, but you've still given me more food for thought.

Good advice. I think I'll check that book out. It's funny that you say that about the eye contact thing, I do that too.^^