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Jaydee
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

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Joined: 4 Aug 2009
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 130

05 Aug 2009, 8:07 am

I've got an acquaintance who I believe is an aspie (she hasn't said anything about it, so I'm not sure if she knows or if she's diagnosed or anything), we're both members of a small choir. She tries to become close friends with people but pushes them away in several different ways. First and foremost by speaking her mind without taking into consideration the effect of what she says, in other words: her bluntness hurts people's feelings. I know this is something which is said to characterize aspies, and that they don't want to hurt people's feelings on purpose, but nobody bothers to stay in the company of a person who's rude towards them.
She also talks mostly about her own interests and does not seem to be very interested in the people she's trying to befriend (this is a smaller problem than the first one, "nerdishness" is not a problem in our group). I know she's frustrated because in her attempts to get close to people she's simultaneously criticized them for being hard to befriend, and this is perceived as whining, immature and extremely rude behaviour. Is there anything I can tell her to make it easier for her? Does it help if I correct her when she's blunt, or will she just be sad and upset? Can I tell her that blunt honesty is not the best policy when you want to get friends, and that it can be perceived of as directly cruel? Any thoughts on what I can say to her?
(A couple of us have worked out how to best convey formal information to her so that she doesn't get stressed out or frustrated or angry, but we're kinda worried that her social behaviour pisses people off so that she'll feel left out.) Grateful for any constructive replies!