Over stimulation? Or anxiety of some sort?

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I'm an NT female, trying to understand some things.

1) Is it possible that an older Aspie male can become anxious in the presence of a woman they find attractive or one they
have obsessed over for several years. And, actually seem to run away? But then, come back around, and then run away.......

2) Is it possible that when touched unexpectedly, that same male would visibly flinch, and then try to recover?
Example, in a social setting where most people (NT's) were being very gregarious - lots of hugging, etc. I
locked arms with a man who was an old friend, I was just being friendly, and I could feel his discomfort although, I knew
he liked me and was attracted to me.


Does any of this make sense to any Aspie's out there? As an NT, this was an unusual experience for me, given my history with other NT males.

Last edited by spankyandthegang on 03 Feb 2006, 5:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I find this statement fascinating... Can you explain what would be your usual experience in situations like these? What signals would you be reading from the other person?

But what you've described of the guy makes perfect sense to me. The whole approach/withdraw dance... wanting to know a person, being curious and intrigued and attracted, but then going too far and overwhelming yourself. There's a concept that one autistic woman describes on her website, she calls it exposure anxiety (<-- link). The article's written for working with kids, but I've seen the pattern across all ages, child to adult. It has more to do with the way a person handles emotion than any external factors like intelligence or career success.

For me at least, overstimulation and anxiety are one and the same, so I can't really tell if this guy's actions were one or the other... but I can say they're very familiar.

I tend to pick up on cues more easily than most NT's so, you could say I was hyper-aware in this situation. Anyway, with most NT males in my experience, given the warmth that was being expressed in the group, casual/friendly touching and contact would be expected - hugs, pats on the back, linking arms, laughing, smiling, etc. A group of old friends who shared many memories and happy to see one another. Even with an NT man who was of our age and shy (we are quite a bit older than most of the posters) one would not expect maybe a little reticence but, not what I observed. With a shy older NT, there may be an initial "surprise" at finding themselves being touched but, the feeling of unease would pass after the initial contact.
With regard to the slow dance, given again our ages, an NT male would be much more relaxed in their own body. I could sense the tension in my friend during our dance and an awkwardness in his body posture that never did relax. I picked up on all of it right away. It was truly as if he did not know how to hold me during the dance but, I knew he wanted to have the dance.

Absolutely! I flinch sometimes when my *husband* touches me and I *want* him to be touching me.

Just recently I was talking to my father-in-law about an annoying client, and while I was still talking he reached over and put both hands on my shoulders and said "don't get so worked up about it". I instinctively brought both hands up inside his arms and flung his hands off my shoulders. For a split second I was insanely angry at having been touched. The moment passed, and neither of us commented on it, but I am sure my father-in-law was very surprised. (Fortunately he's known me long enough to be able to take things like that in stride, even if he doesn't understand them . )

Me too. For those of us with tactile hypersensitivity, we want to be touched but the sensation of it can be physically uncomfortable - very frustrating for both the toucher and the touchee.