Reality doesn't exist to me anymore

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I feel highly uncomfortable posting this here as I don't generally care to discuss my personal life, but it's the only safe haven I know to turn to, as I find myself with no friends that I feel comfortable talking to about this. Anyway, I feel like I've lost complete touch with reality. I recently lost my job and my place to live (because I had no job). I am living with friends right now, which is fine because they're really nice and want to help me get back on my feet. I just know anymore what to think. I am dreamer by nature, as most of us with AS are, and lately, it is becoming harder and harder to get back in touch with reality. I feel like I've hit the breaking point and I have no one to put me back together again. I have no motivation whatsoever to do anything anymore. I sit and think about anything and everything concerning nothing that I should be concerned about. I don't know how to pull myself out this hole. I know I've lost touch with myself and that's a big step is knowing, but now I don't know how to help myself. I can't afford to see my doctor anymore to help me because I don't have insurance or the money to go...and no one wants to do anything for free. I just don't know what to do. Sorry to burden anyone who reads this expecting a cheery post. I guess what I truly want to know is if anyone has ever felt like this, and how did you pull yourself out? Please help me.

Why did you loose your job?

When I was in school, that was pretty much my life, every year is marked by a school year, that was fine. Things didn't work nearly aswell as they could, but I had a place and connection in reality, or a place where things happen and there are people.

But after I graduated, there have been no events, its sort of a continued existence marked by nothing, a void (not part of reality). I would just sit at home and think about all the things I wish I could do. But I got a job, and was fired not being able to talk to customers well.

I think if you don't have a job, or something to do every day, you won't have that connection to reality.
You gotta find a job that works for you. What are you good at? What are you not good at? Do you like any activities?


And after reading that I think the average psychologist would say "you are dissociating". And I don't think that to be the case. I just think you need to find something to do, find some fun, that you can physically do, not mentally. But its still alright to day dream on the side though.
I think not day dreaming at all, is like holding my breath.

I lost my job because the place I was at downsized. I loved it. I was a lab tech. It kept my mind busy tinkering with things that I enjoyed, while staying physical at the same time, moving around and such, doing certain things. I think alot of my current mood has to do with that because I loved that job more than I begin to describe. I often tell myself that I can't find a job that satisfies me as much. If you knew the job market where I live, you'd agree. I live in a decently large place, but no one is hiring at the moment. Beyond city limits is an endless void of country...it's like I'm trapped.

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I keep going by thinking "some people have war in their countries, and they are living though nightmares just trying to eat and sleep, what are YOU(meaning me) complaining about, again." Being out of work can corrode your spirit, Rok, that I agree and understand.

I have always treated being out of work as a full time job of finding work. I get up early with a plan for the morning of X amount of time to search online job sites, write resumes, force myself to call people and (horror of horrors) 'network'. I can't lie in bed after I wake up of a morning because the thoughts ( I call them 'the buzzards on the bedposts') of worthlessness and giving up will assail me and I am mulling over fantasies of ending it all and such. . .nope, gotta nip that attitude in the bud! and make my feet hit the floor before I start thinking of it!

So up and coffee and breakfast (gotta eat at least cereal or something, otherwise your metabolism gets lethargic and that will depress you even more. Besides, having a good bowel movement will cheer up your whole body!) and do your morning job search before you even think about not doing it. This will give you a more positive outlook on the rest of the day because you actually have made yourself useful!

Then go to your volunteer job as was suggested by others on this thread, cause you meet people there that see you as an investor in your own future, and that is a good attribute for a potential employee. It shows those you are staying with that they made a good choice letting you stay there, because you are being responsible about the condition you find yourself in and it fends off any second guessing they might have about your motivation.

In other words, friend, 'fake it till you make it'. It might not be the easiest path, but the easiest path is to just give up and be sucked into that gaping maw that is hopeless helplessness. Yikes! Give yourself a break and light a fire under yourself and roar back into life, you know you want to!

all my best!
Merle

If nothing else the volunteering idea will look good on your resume. When they ask about the gap in work the fact you lost your previous job through no fault of your own and didn't spend the time idle between jobs will make a really good impression. Also check out the "Pants" episode of I Should Be Writing by Mur Lafferty. A lot of the suggestions she makes for getting through a slump also double as great grounding tools for when reality becomes a bit hazy.

Thank you all so much for your input. When I wrote that I was a bit more depressed than I am currently, so I am thinking with more of a clear head. I will do the volunteer work and see where it takes me. It's just demoralizing sometimes for me. Sometimes when I dwell on things, I end up spiraling downward and random thoughts generate from that, such as my post. Again, I thank all of you who contributed. I would appreciate more ideas as they come if you don't mind. Like I said, it's hard for me. I don't do well under stress and I just feel like my world caves in around me. I'll try to do better.

I used to work in a lab and tinker away all day. Best thing ever. I wonder if I will ever find myself doing something like that again - I really hope so. I lost a big chunk of myself when I left. I can relate to your situation.

I don't know if there is anything like it where you are but in Australia we have Technical Aid for the Disabled (TAD). I was looking for something to volunteer for and came across the TAD groups and just signed up with one the other day (awaiting police clearance before I can start). You volunteer your time / skills / resources to design / make / modify / install special equipment for disabled people.

If you're a tinkerer and like solving special problems that could be something (if an equivalent exists in your locality) you could consider.

Best of Luck