Page 1 of 1 [ 10 posts ] 

Alycat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Oct 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,690
Location: Birmingham, UK

21 Jul 2009, 4:10 am

I would like to make more friends and have been given advice on HOW to do so (to invite people to do things like go for coffee, or invite them over to my house). I'm going to have to work out what sort of activities are apropriate at some point, but I have a problem before I even reach that decision.

How do you know WHO to invite? Obviously you wouldn't walk up to a complete stranger on the street and invite them round to your house, but what are the signs that you know a person well enough? I know a lot of people, but I don't know which of them I should invite, and I don't want to make a mistake.


_________________
If you don't believe in dragons it is curiously true, that the dragons you disparage choose to not believe in you.


TB
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Oct 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 531
Location: netherlands

21 Jul 2009, 11:26 am

easy just invite the people who you like the most. but they should have given you some reason (before you invite them) to think that they like you equally.



NicksQuestions
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 25 May 2009
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 218

21 Jul 2009, 3:09 pm

I'm trying to figure out the same thing.

I heard that you should learn non-verbal language in order to read if someone's ready or not. I've heard some teach yourself body language books are good. Also, if they make eye contact with you and facial expressions, vs. they don't seem to do that after you've been having conversations with them.

I've heard that it's good to make rapport with them before inviting them to do things or go places with you, small talk or conversations.

Then I've heard it's good to see what they like to do, because you're more likely to be successful if it's something they like, and if you ask them if they like to do something before you ask, it's a more smooth transition. At least that's what I heard.

I also heard that since friendships requires time to maintain, inviting them to do things with you is only part of it. I heard that as you have more conversations/do more things with them, you should slowly share personal experiences with them and be a listener, so it's more than just someone to do things with, but also you're someone they can use as company/friendship. I heard that you're supposed to increase trust/support/etc as you go along, but not too much or too slow, so that it turns into a friendship. I also heard that having personality similarities and a shared outlook on life is more important than common interests. I'm not sure if that's true, but I heard that leads to more stable/deeper/satisfying friendships, rather than just shallow/flaky hang out buddies.

I don't know, that's just what I heard.



Alycat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Oct 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,690
Location: Birmingham, UK

22 Jul 2009, 3:11 am

TB wrote:
but they should have given you some reason (before you invite them) to think that they like you equally.
Such as?


_________________
If you don't believe in dragons it is curiously true, that the dragons you disparage choose to not believe in you.


LolaGranola
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 10 Aug 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 382
Location: 1994

24 Jul 2009, 10:01 pm

Alycat wrote:
TB wrote:
but they should have given you some reason (before you invite them) to think that they like you equally.
Such as?

This is a problem for me as well. I can never be sure if someone is sincere, or just tolerant.


_________________
"I've been really, really anti-social for the past few years, and I'm just starting to get over it, and come out of my shell, and be able to like people again" - D'Arcy Wretzky


Brittany2907
The ultimate storm is eternally on it's
The ultimate storm is eternally on it's

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,718
Location: New Zealand

24 Jul 2009, 10:23 pm

LolaGranola wrote:
Alycat wrote:
TB wrote:
but they should have given you some reason (before you invite them) to think that they like you equally.
Such as?

This is a problem for me as well. I can never be sure if someone is sincere, or just tolerant.


If they have given you their phone number (either home or mobile phone) and told you to call anytime. It's an indicator that they would like to spend some more time with you and get to know you more. You don't have to invite them over to your house but maybe meet them somewhere.


_________________
I = Vegan!
Animals = Friends.


Alycat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Oct 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,690
Location: Birmingham, UK

25 Jul 2009, 3:22 am

LolaGranola wrote:
Alycat wrote:
TB wrote:
but they should have given you some reason (before you invite them) to think that they like you equally.
Such as?

This is a problem for me as well. I can never be sure if someone is sincere, or just tolerant.


This is exactly my problem. I worry that people are being nice and polite to me, and I misread that as friendship.


_________________
If you don't believe in dragons it is curiously true, that the dragons you disparage choose to not believe in you.


Tory_canuck
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,373
Location: Red Deer, Alberta, Canada

25 Jul 2009, 4:51 am

inviting to your house??

slap a bunch of posters around a college saying PARTY at my place.....lots will come. :P


_________________
Honour over deciet, merit over luck, courage over popularity, duty over entitlement...dont let the cliques fool you for they have no honour...only superficial deceit.

ALBERTAN...and DAMN PROUD OF IT!!


misswoofalot
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2009
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 670
Location: London

27 Jul 2009, 8:22 am

I've never invited anyone to my house before, but I have been invited to many. I think that's when you know its ok...let them make the first move maybe.



barbedlotus
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jul 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 185

06 Aug 2009, 4:38 am

Tory_canuck wrote:
inviting to your house??

slap a bunch of posters around a college saying PARTY at my place.....lots will come. :P


lol, I don't know about your college, but mine there wouldn't be a house left afterwards

I actually have a HUGE problem with this for two reasons. I never can tell the difference between someone just being polite, or someone who actually likes me as a friend. Even the people I know are okay with me as a friend I never can get this right with, or when to go visit them. It always feels all awkward unless there is a set reason for the visit (working on a project, a birthday party, helping out with something) and so people start to get the idea I only want to be around them when I want something. The reality is I really do want the company, stress out over whether I'm being rude or not by coming over or inviting over, and end up freaking myself out of doing it.

The second problem is if I do end up going through with it, I just flat out don't get what to do. Most friends that have come to visit, rarely do again or for very long because I just don't seem that entertaining. I don't do the whole conversation thing well (I always seem to come off disinterested or fake), don't have tv because it seems like such a waste of money that I could be wasting on books instead ;), and not a lot of people I hang out with here are really into gaming (my friends back home are, but I think are mad because I can't afford the trip to see them and haven't been able to for a while).

Over the last year I have totally given up on this and it's eating at me. I don't really like the chit chat and socialization part of socializing, but it's lonely staying at home all the time. I think that if it weren't for my 2 year old and my grandmother I'd have lost it by now. I am getting to the point though that I'm almost scared to write or call someone, and I haven't visited anyone in ages and no one has come to visit me in even longer except for my grandma, but visits to her are easy. She needs help around the house with the more strenuous chores, doesn't like to drive much anymore, and wants someone to talk to since the rest of my family is too wrapped up in theirselves to pay much attention to her these days. So there's a purpose behind it and I don't get all confused or panicky about it. Besides, she doesn't do much small talk either.