A friend getting married mad at me

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Recently,
I had been asked to be a friend's maid of honor who had just come home from Iraq. She had e-mailed me two months before telling me this while still in Iraq. When she came home, however, she was totally evasive about telling me what was really going on. In fact, she was quiet about it for two weeks.

Last week, she finally got in touch with me and told me that there was no wedding and she was doing a Justice of the peace so that she could sign papers and move to his home base elsewhere. She had also told me that she was having a pool party this Wednesday night afterwords but didn't know what time the thing was.

I sent her a message telling her that I couldn't make it due to work, transportation issues, and that I was angry with her for not communicating.

I had also left her a message telling her that I felt like we really needed to talk and what she had pulled on me was unacceptable. However, she flew off the handle at me by telling me that I have an attitude and she really doesn't. She also told me that yes, she should have said something but she didn't know if it was going to happen. There was also mentioning that I need to tell her that I am sorry and not her. Moreover, I got accused of being jealous of her for joining the ARMY and for moving on with her life. Finally, she said, "I'm, sorry about that."

She has had a history of being flaky towards me in the past and getting mad every time I confront her. I am also very low on her list because she cares more about having a guy on her arms than women friends. She has also fed me a list of excuses every time I have invited her to things and even gave me the run around.


I have actually written to her but I didn't say sorry. I didn't appreciate her accusing me of having problems so I gave her quite a bit of detail about her treating me like that.

However, how should I respond to her when she writes back?

It sounds to me like your friend has other problems and that she's stressing out.
For example; she may not be happy with the way the wedding plans have changed - her fiancee may have imposed the change on her - and she could be taking it out on everyone (not just you).


If you just want to move on with your friendship, write her a quick note that says...

I'm sorry we fought.
You're a good friend.
Do you want to go out and catch up sometime.

When you do go out, don't talk about the wedding, just be nice, understanding etc... and let her tell you what she wants in her own time.

She had replied back to me and said that I am the one with the problem and I don't have one. However, I really feel like I am stepping on eggshells around her. Whenever I confront her, it's always my fault. Her messages are always so selfish and always seem to be about her. She also acts like a 15-year-old spoiled brat and says things like, "I work my a** off and you're
being ungreatful." No, she is the one who is ungreatful towards me. She never seem interested in me and doesn't care.

What should I do?

If she can't be nice to you... why would she be the sort of friend you want to keep?
Some women change after marriage.

Keep in mind NRE (new relationship energy) is a powerful thing. We are biologically wired to obsess over a new partner and even if the relationship has been going a while getting married can put someone back into that space. It sounds like you both need to apologize (though probably her a little more). Getting married is stressful. Besides, what good is a friendship if their not worth forgiving?

Yup, that sounds like natural b*tchy behavior that occurs with engaged women.

Thank you for giving me another reason why to not ever get married. Heh...

Seeing that this isn't the first time your friend has been like this to you, I wouldn't have said anything about how upset you were with the lack of communication to begin with. Instead of saying that you were angry with her I would've just asked why she didn't say anything so to avoid her getting pissed with you.

If you know you're at the bottom of her list...then why put up with her? I've had this kind of friend before. She was far from a b*tch but it was clear that her relationship and self-image issues were more important than her friends and I got hurt and betrayed really bad in the end. But you do whatever you feel is best. I just hope you don't get hurt like I did.