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Richard1
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Joined: 8 Aug 2009
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1

09 Aug 2009, 4:12 pm

Hello everyone, I came here for advice in maintaining a friendship of a friend of mine who has AS.

I'm a very introverted, shy, loner who enjoys his solitude more than anything and so is my family. A good week for me is when I hang out once or twice a week, and then I cool down on my own or very very casual experiences throughout the rest of the week.

My friend and I both enjoy computers, but due to his parents he's only allowed small amounts of computer time. He's currently banned from computer for around two weeks. I have two computers in my room. He has been calling me every day, multiple times a day and stressing out my family constantly. One time he asked if I could drop something off at his house, and suggested maybe 1:00. I told him not to count on it, and that I'd call him when I was on my way. He proceeded to call my mother every 20 minutes asking if I was home yet, waking up her up.

When he does come over, he always asks my mom for food, which she is all too happy to provide for. If we don't have the exact food that he wants, she'll go and drive far out of her way just to get what he wants. Sometimes he doesn't even eat lunch at his place so he can eat more of our food. He also eats unhealthy amounts of food and ice cream when he does come over, once even getting my mom to bake him 2 dozen cookies and eating them all. But what worries me the most, is the fact that all he seems interested is my computer. I feel like I could just leave for hours and come back and he wouldn't even notice. Sometimes on the phone I tell him not today, we just need to relax a day, and he'll try to convince me that it's easy and I don't have to do anything, and that he, "Just needs a computer."

My friend is a great guy, and I accept his AS as part of him. In fact, his honesty is quite refreshing. But how can I get this to stop? Once we've given ground to his demands, he seems to feel entitled to them. Expecting me to prep his computer and fetch the food before he comes over. Can you guys help me maintain a friendship without hurting his feelings, and without us having to constantly be afraid of the phone? Also, is he just using me for computer and food? Thanks very much!



CrinklyCrustacean
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Joined: 22 Mar 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,284

09 Aug 2009, 6:52 pm

I don't think he's consciously using you for the computer and food, but it's a very strange friendship you have. I think you have to ask yourself how much he actually cares about you before the question of being 'used' can properly be answered.