Choose the right insight option for this story

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Mark the option that most reflects your thoughts:
B is a nice, polite person, probably everyone likes him/her. 42%  42%  [ 15 ]
B is a coward too afraid to stand up to injustice. Probably no one likes him/her. 14%  14%  [ 5 ]
B was just hinting to you not to expect much from them 17%  17%  [ 6 ]
Other ______________________________________ 28%  28%  [ 10 ]
Total votes : 36

Greentea
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01 Sep 2009, 2:45 pm

I was talking to person A when person B arrived. A short time later, A said something very humiliating about me. B continued talking nicely to both of us, without referring to the incident. I left soon after. A few months later I met B at a party and we conversed. I asked B if they were still good friends with A and B told me "I'm not awfully fond of A, I also know A hurt you very much, I was there when it happened. But I keep a good relationship with A. I'm a nice person who makes a point of being nice and polite to everyone."


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UrchinStar47
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01 Sep 2009, 3:25 pm

B probably likes to be liked by people, but remember, NTs are less exclusive about who they socialize with. It takes some accumulated miscues and such to really end one of their relationships. In some cases just :roll: and moving on is an appropriate response in their world, and this is what probably happened.



SingInSilence
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01 Sep 2009, 3:28 pm

I'm a bit B myself, though I usually downgrade my relationships with insensitive folk like A.


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Stinkypuppy
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01 Sep 2009, 4:43 pm

If I could choose, it'd be a mix of the first two options.

I thought that B is a generally nice person, most people like B because of that... but B isn't really going to be the one to stand up for injustice. B would rather wait for someone else to rock the boat for him/her.


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gina-ghettoprincess
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01 Sep 2009, 5:21 pm

I think B doesn't stand up against injustice, but that people probably still like B. So a mixture of two of the options.


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southwestforests
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01 Sep 2009, 5:27 pm

I kind of understand where B is coming from, I've often ended up friends with each side of people who for whatever reason don't like each other.

It's an odd place to be.
But then again, my relationship with X and my relationship with Y are each their own thing and not their relationship between themselves.


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Greentea
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01 Sep 2009, 5:35 pm

Now...could you fall inlove with B after he/she witnessed your being humiliated by A and not only pretended not to notice but later told you it's because she prefers to be on good terms with everyone, and they're still good friends?


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Stinkypuppy
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01 Sep 2009, 5:55 pm

Greentea wrote:
Now...could you fall inlove with B after he/she witnessed your being humiliated by A and not only pretended not to notice but later told you it's because she prefers to be on good terms with everyone, and they're still good friends?

Excellent question. For me... no, not at all. I have much more respect and love for those people who are willing to stick up for you and defend you, through thick and thin. It's way too easy to befriend people like B who just want to be on good terms with everybody, so I don't see anything special in a person who does that. B is the kind of person who just wants to have a good time with everyone, but will run at the first sign of trouble. I wouldn't trust B with much at all, let alone fall in love with B.


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Greentea
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01 Sep 2009, 6:09 pm

That's how I felt, Puppy. When, at the party, B made noises about us getting closer, and told me A had mentioned disappointment in him, I told B: "When you strive to be everything to everyone, you're nothing to anyone." and I left. However, only you and I see it this way... Why?


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Greentea
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01 Sep 2009, 6:13 pm

And that dog is beautiful...is it yours? What breed is it?


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Stinkypuppy
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01 Sep 2009, 6:40 pm

Greentea wrote:
That's how I felt, Puppy. When, at the party, B made noises about us getting closer, and told me A had mentioned disappointment in him, I told B: "When you strive to be everything to everyone, you're nothing to anyone." and I left. However, only you and I see it this way... Why?

Having the strength to stand up for what you believe in is a dying trait, I'm sorry to say. :( But no worries, I'm sure many others here feel the same way too.
I love what you said to B. Hopefully B takes it to heart. :) A lot of people like B try to satisfy everyone, but it's an impossible task which just leaves them empty inside.
Thank you for the compliments on my dog! Yeah he's mine, and he's a dachshund. He's been my loyal, faithful friend for almost 15 years! 8)


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gina-ghettoprincess
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01 Sep 2009, 6:50 pm

I would definitely have a lower opinion of someone if they saw someone being insulted, belittled, humiliated, or otherwise bullied, and didn't say anything about it. All it takes for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing (or something like that. I'm not good at remembering exact quotes).


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mechanicalgirl39
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01 Sep 2009, 6:56 pm

I voted 'B is a coward'.


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marshall
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01 Sep 2009, 7:50 pm

I think it depends on how close you were to B. If you're just acquaintances with B then B's behavior doesn't strike me as too unusual, unfortunately, especially if A happened to have some kind of political power over B. B probably isn't worth being a close friend to though. I'd probably be upset with B's trite sounding response. If she was really trying hard to be empathetic she wouldn't immediately follow up with "but I like to be nice and polite with everyone". That would sound to me like a blow-off of my feelings.

I've had a slightly different but similar situation where politics drove a wedge between me and people I wanted to like. In my situation B was basically unwilling to rock the boat. Unfortunately when it comes down to the bottom line most people are unwilling to compromise their position socially. It's frustrating when you want support from people who you think are genuinely friendly only to be given the party line.

If I had to choose one answer I think 'B is a coward' is the one I'd choose. Unfortunately most people are cowards when you get right down to it.



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01 Sep 2009, 9:33 pm

Perhaps it's my own bias from having been betrayed so often throughout my life by folks I thought I could trust, but B's statement seems to be a warning to you to not expect any sympathy or assistance from him. I don't know that I'd call him a "coward" for his unwillingness to turn his back on A following her hateful behavior; he - like most NTs - is merely looking out for himself, and what he believes to be his own best interests. He's not willing to support you if it means compromising whatever benefit he gets from his interactions with A; he prefers not to get involved in the issue at all because it doesn't serve his purposes. He's a selfish prick.


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Greentea
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02 Sep 2009, 1:11 am

Sinister, I could've written that post, every word of it.

Actually, when B arrived, I was informing A the details of a plan I had come up with. During the conversation with B, A suggested carrying out the plan without my participation. B didn't voice any problems about it, though they knew perfectly that it was my plan. So they went off and carried out my plan, without me.

Why would B think there's a chance I might want to be friendly with them after that - is beyond me, because I lack Theory of Mind.


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